A Look in the Mind and Heart of a Stay At Home Mom

New Blog

2010-10-27T10:57:00.001-04:00

It's been real, blogspot, but I'm tired of fighting with you to format each and every post in a simple, basic format...so it's time to part ways.

Thanks to all my readers, you can find me in my NEW home...

http://horseymama.livejournal.com/

FALL is Here!!!

2010-10-14T21:27:00.005-04:00

It's October...autumn is here! Our new life in the new town, and new part of the state is revealing an earlier, cooler autumn at that. By early September the air was already a touch cooler, and by the last week of September we were having our first cool front. The first week of October we experienced temperatures in the 40s! The children were LOVING the weather. So were the animals, I might add. Boe kicked his up heals, galloping and bucking around the pasture. We've taken walks (been attacked by a dog on one of them) and have been using this glorious season as an opportuinity to be OUTDOORS and learning. We've done school on the front porch, photographed leaves, done scavenger hunts, and just plane romped and played for the sheer joy of it. Here are some photos of the children in this GLORIOUS season that we've been thanking the Lord for.

Samantha found Boe's bell boots and decided to play horse. Yes, she's sporting horse overalls, with an attached stuffed horse, and wearing horse bell boots. Ah, my previous baby girl who is NUTS about horses!

If it was easy.... they would call it football.

2010-08-27T15:27:00.000-04:00

Getting Settled

2010-06-19T10:49:00.002-04:00

We made the trip to Jacksonville with ease, but upon arrival we discovered that the kids' bedrooms all had dog urine soaked carpets (ick!) and we had a GERMAN ROACH problem! *faint* Our (awesome) landlords took care of the carpets, and we're being very aggressive with the roaches too, with marked improvement already.

So, we're getting settled. My (awesome) mom came up for a couple of days to help me clean and get unpacked. My mom is amazing, and was a true life saver. She pulled me out of the mental funk I'd been in regarding the smells, filth, and roaches.

God put us in a location (house, as well as part of town and the state) that is perfect for us. We are close to a big airfield with jets that fly over our house (our house is on the landing path), but out in the country. We're surrounded by great neighbors, 3 major horse farms, and right up the road from the Jacksonville Equestrian Center and the Jacksonville Aquatic Center (which boasts an Olympic size indoor pool, with FREE use for Jacksonville residents).

We're surrounded by country, planes, and horses. Life is good. Soon, my pasture will be filled with horses as mine will be home soon, and we are being given another horse. So, pics will follow. After 8 years of struggling, God has blessed us with a little piece of paradise and for me, a life long dream fulfilled.

God is GOOD!

MOVING!

2010-05-29T07:13:00.003-04:00

There must be some kind of record. We are moving for the 3rd time in 11 months! Hopefully, though, this will be the last move for a VERY long time.

We love our apartment, and it breaks my heart to leave. However, it is too far of a drive for my Darling Husband to commute to his NEW JOB!!!! That's right, DH got offered a job in Jacksonville, FL working for the Navy! He LOVES doing what they hired him to do, and it's a significant pay increase from what he's making now, so it's a blessing.

We knew he was being considered for the position, as the process started a month ago. Last week they had us go up for him to complete a physical, which he passed. The final word came in 2 days ago, and he has to report on June 7th!!! That's right, we have ONE WEEK to pack up our house and move! I am very stressed at this prospect.

We went up to Jacksonville again 2 days ago to look for a place to live. God has blessed us many times over. We found a place easily. God provided us with a 3 bed, 2 bath home on 2 acres for rent. Even the little things are perfect! The side yard is fenced and off the kitchen so that I can watch the kids while I cook/clean (I seem to spend a LOT of time in the kitchen), and keep them separate and safe from the horse (or is it keeping the horse separate and safe from them?). The property owners own a big Quarter Horse farm right behind our property, so I have experienced horse people right there to ask questions (or get help from in a situation beyond my experience). I will also have full use of their facilities for riding! Additionally, continuing down our road is direct access to thousands of acres of riding trails! Once I get my horse re-trained, it will be a lot of fun. :-)

My dad is going to bring up his camper and park it on our property so they will have a "retreat" of sorts, and an excuse to come see their grandkids.

I'm scared of taking Sweet Pea, Little Man, and Baby Girl away from my family...and terrified of the prospect of being so far away from help. But I trust that the Lord will continue to provide. :-) What an exercise in faith!

Thank you Lord!

The Right to Bear Arms (and awaken a sleeping Bear)

2010-03-01T17:06:00.002-05:00

This past weekend my husband and I decided to support our 2nd Amendment and went to a local gun show. My husband says he has created a monster. I say he's just awoken the sleeping bear (and the bear is armed and bearing arms...ha ha at my pun).

A few weeks back I took my concealed carry class, and on April 2 I am completing the process to obtain my concealed carry permit.

[A sleeping bear rumbled.]

At the show, my husband purchased a weapon from the store's booth through whom I took the concealed carry class. Typical since we don't have our permits yet, there is a 3 day wait. No biggie, we can pick it up on Thursday.

As we were leaving the show, a man with a private collection for sale had a revolver that caught my eye. It was pretty, but impractical for me. Regardless, I felt an irresistible urge to stop and admire. This was the beginning of the end. He had more...and I ended up buying my first firearm.

[The sleeping bear opens an eye.]

What did I purchase?
A Smith and Wesson .40 Sigma.

[The sleeping bear awakes]
Now...I want more. *rubs hands eagerly* But, alas, the budget prohibits the purchase of all that I desire...

Oh, and now our eldest daughter wants a pink gun.

[The sleeping bear FAMILY is awake and on the prowl]

Fabulous Friday

2010-02-12T22:29:00.004-05:00

Today is a day of praise! What are the good things going on in my life?

I have 3 AWESOME kids!
I have a husband who is so kind and supportive...and works hard to support this family.
I have an awesome family.
I have awesome in laws.
My friends rock!
God has placed us in an AMAZING church!
I love my HOME!
I love Plant City!
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this cold weather that we're having!!!!

What are some awesome things that are happening in your life? What do YOU have to be thankful for?

My sisters and I at the 2nd sister's baby shower.

Just a Look

2010-02-11T09:57:00.004-05:00

It Is Well with my Soul

2010-01-14T22:45:00.002-05:00

Tonight God has placed this hymn upon my heart. I'm not sure why, but the lyrics are bringing me to tears tonight. This is my all-time favorite hymn, as the story behind the author's inspiration is amazing.

I figured I'd blog about the lyrics and verses and story of this song, and see if I can't find what God might be trying to impress upon me tonight.

"When peace like a river, attendeth my way; When sorrows lie sea billows roll, Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul."

I just want to add an exclamation point at the end of that verse, as when I sing it I feel as though my soul is screaming it to the Lord.

The author/composer of this song is Horatio Spafford. In the 2 years leading up to his inspiration to write this song, his only son was killed, his family fortune was destroyed and he was bankrupt in Great Chicago Fire, and all 4 of his daughters were killed while sailing to Europe and their boat suddenly sank. Only his wife survived.

God later blessed them with more children, additional fortune, and the chance to minister to others, but I think of the pain he must have been enduring at the time of the writing of this song. The thought of loosing even one of my children brings me to tears and makes my heart ache. To have lost ALL of his children...I can't even imagine his pain!!! And then, to sit there and cry out to the Lord, telling the Lord that even though he's in agony, he's filled with peace and that his soul is okay and at peace...what an AMAZING thing to experience, and truly NOT something we as humans experience (in a time of extreme loss and grief) without the love of the Lord.

"Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate and hath shed His own blood for my soul"

Again....WOW!!! To sit there and say that even though the Devil himself is attacking him, and trials (and I'd say he was enduring far more than mere trials) are his lot at that moment, that he is at peace because GOD has seen his grief/sorrows/pain/anguish/(fill in with appropriate adjective here) and in His grace, DIED for him/us...it's amazing!!!

(P.S. the spell check didn't recognize my type-o of "christ" and insisted that it must be spelled "Christ" how cool is that!?!?!!?!?)

"My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, no in part but in whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!"

I'm serious, that makes me want to sing and shout and scream and whoop and holler!!!!! SERIOUSLY! MY sin, ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the wrong things I've done, and will do, are NOT mine to bear! That God would look at ME, take pitty upon ME, and DIE so that I am freed of this burden and may spend ETERNITY in Heaven with Him....WOW!!

(P.S. the exclamation points are Mr. Spafford's...not mine!)

"For me, bit it Christ, be it Christ hence to live, If Jordan above me shall roll; No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life, Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul."

How amazing...to be at a point where you can say that regardless of the pain in your life, you live for CHRIST and that regardless of whether you are alive or dead, God is giving your soup peace. AMEN!

"But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait; The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord1 Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul."

Lord, this is SUCH a true statement! I must try and live my life more in the anticipation of your return, and less wrapped up in the moment of today. These things I do here, nothing matters but that which will bring you GLORY! My frustrations, happiness...it will all be forgotten. But what I do for YOU...that will be carried on. I MUST remember to focus more on sharing your love, peace, and grace with my children (who are quickly loving You) as their tender lives can impact others. THAT is what is important, Lord! Thank you for helping me to see this! I do ache for your return. I used to more as a child than I do now as a mother...as my heart hurts at the thought of my children enduring any pain that may be associated with my reunion with you....but I MUST remember that regardless of what may happen to me (Or more painfully, to them) we WILL be reunited and that it is YOUR return that is so important!

"And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul"

Lord, my soul gets excited as this thought! To get to be here when You return is a truly thrilling experience! Lord, please hurry! This impatient human girl is in love with You, and anxious for your return!

"It is well, with my soul"

AMEN!

I do find it amazing that, while Tim was unemployed for 2 months (he is now employed, thanks for any prayers you all might have said) my soul WAS at peace! Ever need was met...and exceeded!!!! We never wanted for anything, much less needed a thing! God you were and are GOOD!!!!

Last week the transmission in my van died. Friday we received an estimate to rebuild it for $1500. Resolved to wait a month until we receive our tax return, we started making due with one car and Tim newly employed. By Monday, we had an unexpected check in the mail form Tim's school...for excess financial aid money...enough to cover the tranny re-build and then some!!!!

God you are AMAZING!!!!

Happy New Year!!!

2010-01-01T22:36:00.002-05:00

Today is the 1st day of 2010. Wow, that is weird just writing it...much less saying it.

I hope that the year to come is much better than the one just passed for everyone. The year for us was filled with many difficult obstacles that we had to overcome, but by the Grace of God (and strength that came from Him) we did.

This past fall we moved into a new home, an apartment. We truly feel that this apartment was from God. It is big, beautiful, has all the amenities that we could ever hope to have and then some, and God surrounded us with some amazing neighbors. We could stay here for a long time very comfortably.

Samantha turned 1 this past Halloween! I can't believe my baby girl is 1 already! We celebrated her birthday in our new home, welcoming a few friends and family members in for the first view of our home. Samantha enjoyed the cake, of course she did NOT make a mess (she bucks the norm where ever she can), and LOVED all the books she was given (have I mentioned this child LOVES books???). As of last night (New Year's Eve) she is 14 months old. It is truly staggering how quickly they grow.

Heather is excelling in school. She's gone through the kindergarten math in half a year, so I'm sitting here about to finish the school planning for the second half...as I have to plan out the remaining weeks using all 1st grade math!

William is still William: my train loving little boy. He has SUCH a tender heart. I thank God for this precious boy. He learned to use the bathroom over the summer, and has fully mastered it day and night. He's a cool kid (who LOVES his Thomas and Spiderman underwear).

In November my Darling husband was involved in a severe car accident. He was in his work truck, on the clock at work, when he was run off the road by a large box truck. His work truck rolled a couple of times. I thank God that he was wearing his seat belt as the police officer and paramedics at the scene informed me he'd have been killed if he'd not been wearing it. Getting the phone call from an unknown number, and having the unfamiliar voice inform me immediately not to panic but that he was a paramedic, well...it was hard not to panic. I do remember that my blood ran cold, and I'm certain my heart missed at least a couple of beats. The help of my family, and two AMAZING friends who accompanied me to the hospital to a) support me b) support TJ c) help with Samantha d) bear witness to what ever may be said/done regarding his boss and the company he worked for are what got me through that evening. You two know who you are, and I thank you from the BOTTOM of my heart.

TJ ended up with some nasty lacerations from the windshield and windows that blew out, as well as some very deep road rash from his elbow being drug across the interstate. These scrapes have still not fully healed almost 2 months later. The scars still open up and bleed from time to time and cause him a lot of pain. Above the external injuries he suffered some bad back injuries. We will not know the true extent of these injuries until next week when an MRI is done. He has been going through physical therapy for over a month and while the muscles are getting stronger, the source of his pain is his actual spine. This is leading doctors to think he has a problem with a disk in his back. They have said it is either: bulging, slipped, or ruptured/exploded.

4 days after his accident, while on medical leave, TJ received a call from his boss informing him that the company's board of directors had met and decided not to replace the work truck and thus, he was being laid off.

The last 2 months have been a very difficult time, where we've had to REALLY lean upon God. I must take the time to say that the one thing we've learned in all this is to take the step of faith when you know that step is one that God wants us to take. God made it clear to us that He did not want us to utilize Toys for Tots to help our children have a Christmas this year. That very day I came home to find two unexpected checks in the mail box for over $1200. OH how He provides!! We were able to pay bills, pay rent, and purchase a few things for the children for Christmas. A week later a close friend of my sister's (and a good friend of ours) went out and purchased an overwhelming number of gifts for all three children. Tearfully we drove home that night overwhelmed by the love of others, and of God's amazing grace. Finally, on Christmas Eve we were blessed by our church for a 4th time. We'd been provided with a full Thanksgiving dinner shortly after TJ's lay off, and on Christmas Eve the church provided us with a full Christmas Dinner as well. I was floored. Additionally, they bought the children gifts, and a gift card for TJ and I. I was overwhelmed. So many people have done SO much to help us. I continue to thank God.

So, the year ahead is filled with SOOO many uncertainties, but is filled with a cautious excitement. We will continue to trust God as we move on into 2010.

To all those who have helped us, we all thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.

Paid to Blog

2009-08-27T16:44:00.002-04:00

I'm trying out a few of those "Paid to Blog" things. Hey, any way to make a little money, right?

Put it out with a perdurable

Now that you've added your blog, we need to make sure that you own this blog

Catching Up

2009-08-04T21:33:00.002-04:00

I am sorry for my prolonged absence. This summer has been a very difficult one for my family. We have moved (the location I will not disclose at this point on a VERY public forum), which was hellish in and of itself. We have gone on vacation to NC and fallen in LOVE with the mountains. So much so, that Darling Husband is now actively seeking a job there. I have plenty of pictures to post, and will do so as soon as I get around to undertaking such a magnificent task.

Finally, we are entering into a new step: school. Our oldest daughter, Sweet Pea, is entering Kindergarten this year. As a (logical) result, this blog will be filled with our adventures on this new journey.

There are several things I have learned as we are preparing to take this momentous step in our lives. First, the amount of homeschool curriculum out there is overwhelming. Most of it claims to make homeschooling easier, or be the next great thing to enable your child to learn the most, or claiming to be the most "efficient' way to teach a child. It is overwhelming. Second, there is LOTS of planning to be done. LOTS. Days and evenings filled with sorting through page after page, web page after web page, book after book, and pouring my heart into plans for this year. To give myself an idea of what Sweet Pea needs to know upon completion of Kindergarten I have been researching various state Kindergarten Graduation standards. I have been using this as a guide while planing out her school year. I have learned something monumental while doing this research: Sweet Pea knows almost everything she needs to know to be a "kindergarten graduate" and has yet to start Kindergarten. So, I am proving her with a mixture of Kindergarten and First grade and expect her to fall somewhere between the two upon completion of the school year (my mom, however, predicts that I will have Sweet Pea through both Kindergarten and First grade...we shall see if her lofty predictions based upon 20 years of homeschooling come true or not. Any wagers?)

Little Man is fully learned how to use the bathroom. He is a bright, happy, 3 year old boy whom I dare say is smarter than his big sister. I am not the only one to notice this either. He is not the energetic boy running and jumping on everything (although he does his fair share of running). Rather, he is a boy who studies everything intently. He HAS to know how everything works...and why. He is going to be super intelligent just like his father and his uncle (my youngest brother).

Baby Girl is now 9 months old. I can not figure out where the time has gone! She is crawling all over, pulling herself to standing and standing there, utilizing only one hand, while bouncing and "jumping" in place. She has 3 teeth (two bottoms, one upper) and devours any and all solid food (and some non-food objects) she can find. She hasn't had her 9 month well visit yet, but at 8 months was 23 lb 12 oz and I'm measuring her here at home to be around 30" to 31" long. She is a BIG girl wearing 2T clothes.

That is about all the news for the HorseyMama family. Thank you for reading, and please leave your comments. May God bless you all and keep you safe.

2009-06-04T17:31:00.001-04:00

I want a house elf.

Missing In Action

2009-05-26T14:22:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry that I have been M.I.A. lately. I have had some traumatic events happening in my personal life, that have culminated with the loss of a 15 year friendship. This person is a reader of my blog, so I have been uncertain about how to proceed. I want to continue to post and blog to all my readers...but I am afraid of personal information getting into the wrong hands and finding my family, once more, in danger.

Anyone have any ideas?

Praying for Stellan

2009-04-21T13:29:00.002-04:00

For those that may have not heard of this amazing little boy who has been sweeping the web with his miraculous life, the blog is here.

Stellan wasn't supposed to have survived in utero to birth. Instead of "terminating" the pregnancy (GOSH how I hate that term) the parents, very strong Christians, chose to give their child wholly and completely to God. Stellan was born, full term. He is the same age as Samantha, so when I look at my chunky bug I can't help but wonder how I'd feel if it was my baby who was sick.

Anyway, Stellan is in surgery right now, so if y'all could spare a few prayers for him it'd be much appreciated.

Adventures in Potty Learning

2009-03-17T20:11:00.002-04:00

Well, my little man is growing up...and fast. He has been consistently waking up dry for about 9 or 10 months now. The last couple of weeks he's been insisting upon being changed every time he soils his diaper. These are BIG signs that he's ready to learn to use the potty.

So, I pulled out the choo-choo train underwear that we got him for Christmas. I explained to him that if he went pee pee in his underwear then they'd be icky and he couldn't wear them until I'd washed them. Yes, baby words...but he understood. So, for 3 hour or so he paraded around the house in his shirt and underwear without any accidents. Granted, he didn't go on the potty either, but he didn't have an accident. YAY!

After dinner (of organic yogurt, organic strawberries, and a BP&J made from all natural peanut butter, sugarless jam, and whole wheat bread) he had to get a bath (because we played at TWO parks today...what a treat!). I'm sure you can see where this is leading...right?

He got undressed, climbed into the tub (that I had just decided needed a good scrubbing...hey, I had to try out my new Bathroom Cleaner) and I heard a, "Mommy, look! I pee pee!!!"

Yes, after a whole afternoon of shuttling him to/from the potty, and reminding him that he needed to go pee pee on the potty and not in his underwear, he was SOOOOO proud!!

And, what did I say that gets me the mother of the year award?

"Oh hunny...you are supposed to go pee pee on the potty."

Ooooh...shot down. I felt horrible even before the words had finished spewing from my mouth.

I then replied with, "But you did a VEEEEEEEEEEEERY good job by not going in your pants, and yes! That IS pee pee! Good Boy!!"

Okay, so that made up for SOME of what I'd just said...but still. I feel horrible for it. :-(

But yay for Little Man! He spent 3 hours in underwear w/o an accident! Your the man, Little Man!

Obama LOVES the VA!

2009-03-17T14:20:00.002-04:00

*laced with heavy sarcasm*

This just came out. It makes me ill to my stomach. Literally. Men and women, like my husband, who have served to defend this country, some sacrificing the mental health, and some sacrificing LIMBS, are to be turned out in the cold until they have private insurance if Mr. Obama gets his way. He is pushing socialized medicine on this country (not going to comment on this one way or another) and yet is trying to require our veterans to get private insurance to cover the costs of their SERVICE or COMBAT RELATED injuries??? Um...I have news for Mr. Obama. Sir, it's called the "pre-existing condition clause." As someone who just went through the process of obtaining private insurance (private as in: not through my husband's work...but truly private) I was grill in great detail regarding any previous condition, and received a 150 page booklet explaining their final decision regarding my insurance policy and what they were excluding. There is NO WAY my husband would be able to get coverage for any of his problems with private insurance. He relies upon the VA to help him continue to recover from the injuries he sustained due to the nature of his job and a training accident.

So, essentially what you're saying, Mr. President, is "Thanks for your service, but if you get heart that's too damn bad."

Yes, people are going to be lining up to serve now, and where will that leave our country1's security when the next anti-American nut-job decides to try and murder thousands of Americans????

Maths

2009-03-13T14:54:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine in the UK shared this with me. It accurately describes the US too. LOL Enjoy (and then pray that we don't truly end up this way).

1. Teaching Maths In 1970

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200.
Your assignment: Underline the number 200.

5. Teaching Maths In 2008

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish
and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or
the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of
this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did
the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?
(There are no wrong answers.. If you are upset about the plight of
the animals in question counselling will be available)

6. Teaching Maths 2018

Ã ÇáãÓÌá ÊÈíÚ Íãæáå ÔÇÍäÉ ãä ÇáÎÔÈ ãä ÏæáÇÑ. ÕÇÍÈ ÊßáÝÉ ÇáÇäÊÇÌ ãä>
ÇáËãä. ãÇ åæ ÇáÑÈÍ áå¿

Obama messed up or "We're sorry Great Britain!"

2009-03-13T08:18:00.003-04:00

During his campaign, our new *cough* President played down his sheer inexperience. Said it was no big deal. So what if he didn't have foreign policy experience...it's not "that" big of a deal...right?

I have been afraid of the new President doing something stupid as a result of his inepxerience, but never DREAMED he'd do something so immature and asinine as he did to Great Britain.

I am truly ashamed to call this many my leader right now. This man and his administration represents all Americans...or so it's supposed to be. Lemme say this: this man does NOT represent me. Even "I" could have done better than to great the Prime Minister of Great Britain with such immature callousness.

To anyone who may be reading this from Great Britain (or is from Great Britain) I offer you my sincerest apologies. Please know this man does NOT represent or equal my thoughts or feelings. I am TRULY grateful that you have stood by us time and time again, and that you are standing by us right now. My husband and I have the deepest respect and love of all of Great Britain. Thank you.

Rant Of the Year - Rick Santelli

2009-02-24T13:57:00.002-05:00

I honestly can't believe that NBC, one of the most liberal new stations, didn't pull this off the air mid-way through his rant! Mr. Santelli has hit the proverbial nail RIGHT on the head!

Just An Update

2009-02-17T03:53:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry I've not been updating much here in "blogland." I've been attempting to spare y'all repetitive posts about my emotions, etc. Anyway, here's an update to life.

We're moving. A WONDERFUL friend offered us their HUGE home in a FABULOUS neighborhood. We're renting it from them at the maximum of what we can afford, but half of what it's worth. I's 3200 sq. ft., 5 beds, 3 bathrooms, pool, basketball/tennis courts, etc. It's a TRUE blessing. God has blessed us immensely through these friends, and we're grateful for it. I'll be able to teach piano and flute again, so it will actually improve our lives. The home is large enough for us to live here comfortably for a very long time. Our move-in date is set for May 1st.

Second, we've been listening to Dave Ramsey. We're trying to improve ourselves financially, and he's helping. I've been talking with other Dave Ramsey people, and we've come up with a few ideas to help our financial situation.

First, instead of trading our car in and taking on a new car payment for a van, we opted to take our tax return and buy a slightly older van outright. God blessed us again, I believe because we trusted him and chose to be faithful stewards with what he gave us (our tax return). We found an amazing deal on a van that is newer than we'd expected, and has every feature we wanted and then some. THANK YOU GOD! We own it outright, no car payments, so this summer (only a couple of months after we move into our new home) we will be CAR PAYMENT FREE!

Second, we're investigating better insurance options for me. We've found that since I am the only one needing medical coverage, and I'm not needing maternity coverage, that private insurance will be a MUCH better option for us than the crap offered through Tim's work. We're looking at $250 a month freed up here as well. So, by summer, we're looking at a total of $650 a month saved!!! This is not including the estimated $100-$200 a month saved in gas by not having to drive 40 min. each trip (2 trips a day) to take Heather to/from school.

So, I am grateful for God placing such wonderful friends and family in our lives to help us figure out ways to become better stewards, and thus alleviate a LOT of stress in our lives.

Tim was diagnosed with Diabetes this month. We're not 100% in agreement with the diagnosis for a lot of reasons, mainly the way the "tests" were done (they were not accurate tests to give a diagnosis like this, and the dr. Tim got stuck with isn't very competent - it's a VA Hospital Dr who admittedly told us his license to practice medicine is limited ONLY to the VA...that his prescriptions and such are good ONLY in the VA system, and won't be recognized by civilian pharmacies, clinics, etc...). However, as his wife I DO see signs that if he's not a diabetic he is at least headed towards that diagnosis. This has proven to be a strain on our marriage, but we're trudging along and working on things. :o) God is good, all the time!

Baby Girl is HUGE! She's in the 18 lb - 19 lb range at only 3 months of age!! She's moving into 9 month clothes because she's equally long! She's cooing up a storm, and "talks" in her sleep (can we say security risk? LOL).

Little Man is going to be 3 in 6 weeks! I can't believe it! My baby boy is growing up! He's such a little man now, not a trace of the baby left in him. He is such a sweet, tenderhearted little boy. I pray that God keeps him this way.

Sweet Pea is about to be 5! She's such a sweet girl, and she LOVES her baby sister. She's thriving in school, starting to read, and doing basic addition/subtraction. We're getting ready to home school her this fall. She has a best friend, with whom she shares a love of horses and has already spent the night. She is fearless. She spent the night with her friend, and didn't even need a call home to put her at ease. LOL I think I was more nervous about the night than she was, and even I was fairly at ease. I trust her friend's mother implicitly: they're a like-minded Christian family. She is also starting Martial Arts through a WONDERFUL program at a local church. She's loving this as well.

I think this is all for now. All in all, our family is doing well. God is continuing to work in our lives and bless us immensely.

CPSIA - A Well Intentioned Law gone Awry OR Cloth DIapers and Slings to be deemed "Hazardous Waste"

2009-01-23T08:30:00.002-05:00

Not many people are aware of this law, but it's going into effect on Feb. 10th. Congresses pushed this law through without any to do, they kept it "hush hush." The average American citizen has NO idea about what is happening. I've been spending months working tirelessly (okay, I wish...I'm VERY tired...staying up until 2am surfing the web informing people of this crap law, while tending to an infant, a toddler, and a preschooler who has to be at preschool at 8am has me VERY tired LOL) to get the word out that Congress, in an attempt to protect our children (because we as parents aren't capable of doing this ourselves, right???) ended up passing a law that is going to have DEVESTATING effects on our country. THOUSANDS of small businesses will be forced under due to crippling costs...and moms could end up in jail for making DIAPERS and SLINGS and DOLL CLOTHES if they don't comply or close up shop. So much for being able to buy your daughter a hand made doll outfit made in the USA by another mom...you're stuck buying what ever the big box companies decide is right for your little girl (like those Barbie clothes are SOOOO etifying, right?). Dress up clothes? Nope...can't get well-constructed dresses from a work from home mom, you're stuck with the cheap products that Matel et al, decide your daughter should wear for dress up...using inferior cheap fabrics. Want your son to have a toy car? Great! Just go down to wal-mart and buy the "Made In China" metal version...because you won't be able to find the hand crafted, lovingly sanded and painted by a grandfather supplementing his social security on etsy any more.

This bull crap law has my blood boiling so much I've been loosing sleep. I was planning on re-opening my cloth-diaper making business, but now that'll never happen. Anyway, here's some info on it. I'll add to the list of links as I find more. Here is how it's explained (it's impacts on Americans) on the handmadetoyalliance.org web site:

" * A toymaker, for example, who makes wooden cars in his garage in Maine to supplement his income cannot afford the $300 - $4,000 fee per toy that testing labs are charging to assure compliance with the CPSIA.
* A work at home mom in Minnesota who makes cloth diapers to sell online must choose either to violate the law or cease operations.
* A small toy retailer in Vermont who imports wooden toys from Europe, which has long had stringent toy safety standards, must now pay for testing on every toy they import.
* And even the handful of larger toy makers who still employ workers in the United States face increased costs to comply with the CPSIA, even though American-made toys had nothing to do with the toy safety problems of 2007."

http://www.handmadetoyalliance.org/
http://www.cpsc.gov/ABOUT/Cpsia/legislation.html
http://www.fashion-incubator.com/archive/cpsia-rant-blame-special-interest-groups/
"...I must admit there have been unsupported claims coming from “our” camp; specifically the repeated assertion that CPSIA will “decimate” the children’s products industry. The definition of decimate is to kill one in ten and CPSIA is a far more effective killer than that. You couldn’t even describe CPSIA as “deadly as plague” since that only killed 30%-50% of infected persons. Based on the results of the Economic Impact Survey I’ve conducted, over 70% of businesses say CPSIA represents the last nail in their coffin."
http://nationalbankruptcyday.com/

There's a lot more out there, just search CPSIA and WAHM. People don't realize the implications this is going to have on every aspect of this economy. Honestly, it makes me sick to my stomach. How DARE the government dictate what I can and can not buy? How DARE the government tell me that I am too stupid to make a decision regarding what is and is not safe for my child? Despite everything else that has ever happened politically this is the first time I am truly wanting to move out of the US...b/c it's the first time that MY freedoms have been impacted so blatantly. I used to sew and sell cloth diapers. I was hoping to get back into it this year since I'm not in school anymore...you know, to pay off my student loans, etc. NOPE! THAT'S not going to happen. The government is telling me that not only am I not able to do that but I can't even sew slings or diapers as GIFTS!! This is the first time that my hands have been tied behind my back. I feel as though I'm tied to a chair and having the government slap me repeatedly. THIS is why I am a conservative...because I am SOOOOOOOO against big government. A big government has WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much power. Our government does plenty of things right...regardless of party (and I'll be the first to vote a liberal candidate if I felt that he'd help this country and reduce the size and power of this government...I just haven't found such a candidate yet...b/c that's the kind of change that "I" want!!!) but this is something that they are doing WAY wrong.

Okay, rante/tyrade over. You, as parents and Americans, need to be aware of this insane law and how it is going to effect you. You won't be able to re-sell your baby clothes/toys. The CPSC released a press release on Jan 8th stating that it'd be okay to, but they haven't changed the wording so until they do, selling baby clothes to a consignment shop, on ebay, or even in a yard sale is ILLEGAL! The costs of products is going to go up...in THIS economy. Yea..that's all we need...most Americans are barely getting by financially and they want to pass a law that INCREASES the products that most American buy.

Thoughts on Attachment Parenting and Spoiling a Baby

2009-01-10T15:12:00.002-05:00

Someone on one of the forums I post on a first time mom (FTM) posted very disheartened about her baby. In short, her baby is wanting to be held all the time and will scream if not. She posted asking for ways to break her baby of this manipulative behavior. Her baby is only 10-12 wks old. I posted encouraging her to not try and break her baby, but rather to nurture her in the way that she (the baby) is needing to be nurtured, that it WILL pay off in the long run. So, I thought I'd put my thoughts down here as well for those days that I'm overwhelmed with a screaming infant and 2 small children clamoring for my attention.

<>< <>< <><

Anyway, here's some of what Dr. Sears says on his site.

= = =

SPOILING

Few parents make it through their offspring's babyhood without being told that all their efforts to nurture and respond to their baby will surely spoil her. And if it's not spoiling that they're warned against, they're told not to let themselves be "manipulated" by baby. Attachment parenting is not the same as indulgently giving your child everything she asks for. We stress that parents should respond appropriately to their baby's needs, which means knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Sometimes in their zeal to give children everything they need, it's easy for parents to give their children everything they want, and this is indeed harmful. Parents must learn to distinguish between a child's needs and a child's wants.
click here

Yet, telling the difference between needs and wants is not a problem that parents have to wrestle with during their early months of parenting. In the beginning, wants and needs are the same. During the first several months of life, a baby's wants are a baby's needs. A consistent "yes" response teaches babies trust, which will make them more accepting of "no" later on, when they start wanting things they should not have. If you learn to know your baby by responding readily to his needs in the early months, you'll have a good sense of when it's appropriate to say no later on.

New parents often ask, "Won't holding our baby a lot, responding to cries, nursing our baby on cue, and even sleeping with our baby spoil her?" Or they ask if this kind of parenting will create an overly dependent, manipulative child? Our answer is an emphatic no. In fact, both experience and research have shown the opposite. Attachment fosters eventual interdependence. A child whose needs are met predictably and dependably does not have to whine and cry and worry about getting his parents to do what he needs.

Dr. Sears suggests: Attachment parenting implies responding appropriately to your baby; spoiling suggests responding inappropriately.

The spoiling theory seems scientific. At least it seemed logical to the childcare "experts" who popularized this idea, beginning in the early part of the 20th century. They thought that if you rewarded crying by picking the baby up, he would cry more, so that he would get picked up more. It turns out that human behavior is a little more complicated than this. It is true that if you carry a newborn baby in your arms much of the time, the baby will protest when put down in the crib. This baby has learned how to feel right, and she lets you know when she needs help getting that feeling back. However, in the long run, this rightness within her will make her less likely to cry for attention. She gets used to feeling right most of the time, and her parent's responsiveness shows her how to recognize her own needs. Spoiling happens when a child is put on the shelf, left alone, forgotten about--the way that food spoils. There was no scientific basis for this spoiling theory, just unwarranted fears and opinions. We would like to put the spoiling theory on the shelf � to spoil forever.

The attachment style of parenting is not the same as overindulging kids or creating inappropriate dependency. The possessive parent, or "hover mother," is constantly in a flurry around her child, doing everything for him because of her own fears and insecurity. Her child may become overly dependent, because he has been kept from doing what he needs to do. An attached mother recognizes when it is appropriate to let her child struggle a bit, experience some frustration, so that he can grow. This is why we continually emphasize putting balance in your chosen parenting style. Attachment differs from dependency. Attachment enhances development; prolonged dependency will hinder development.

Science Says

Attachment studies have spoiled the spoiling theory. Researchers Drs. Bell and Ainsworth at John Hopkins University studied two sets of parents and their children. Group A were attachment-parented babies. These babies were securely attached, the products of responsive parenting. Group B babies were parented n a more restrained way, with a set schedule and given a less intuitive and nurturing response to their cues. All these babies were tracked for at least a year. Which group do you think eventually turned out to be the most independent? Group A, the securely attached babies. Researchers who have studied the affects of parenting styles on children's later outcome have concluded, to put it simply, that the spoiling theory is utter nonsense.

Pick them up quickly and they'll get down quickly. Or, as one sensitive mother of a well-attached child said proudly, "He's not spoiled; he's perfectly fresh!" Spoiling does become an issue a few years from now, when overindulgence or permissiveness signals a parent's inability to set limits and provide boundaries. This happens most often in children who are materially bonded or whose parents are still trapped in dysfunctional patterns from their own childhood.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t100200.asp

= = =

THE PAYOFF: OUR 6 OBSERVATIONS ON HOW AP KIDS TURN OUT
Attachment tip: The six baby B's translate into the six childhood C's.
click here

Note: Parents should not take all the credit or all the blame for the person their child later becomes. You do your best to raise your children with all the tools and resources you have at that time. The rest is up to the child. While there is no perfect correlation between what parents do in those early years and the outcome of their children, in over thirty in pediatric practice, I have observed that AP kids share many of these features:

1. Caring kids. Attachment-parented kids show empathy. These are kids who care (e.g., care-full). From birth on, these children were on the receiving end of nurturing. Someone cared for then. Caring, giving, listening, and responding to needs became the family norm, and these qualities became part of the child. The child went from receiver to giver. When friends are hurting, these children rush to help. These are compassionate kids who hurt when other people hurt.

Studies on troubled teens and psychopaths have shown that these persons have one abnormal feature in common: a lack of caring. They feel no remorse for what they do. They act without considering the effects of their behavior on others. Not so the children who are the product of attachment parenting. These children consider the feelings of others before they act. They care about how their actions affect other people. They have a healthy sense of guilt, feeling wrong when they act wrongly and feeling good when they should. Connected kids care. (For more information see Raising a Moral Child)

2. Compassionate kids. Because these children are on the receiving end of sensitive parenting, they become sensitive themselves. These children grow up with a deep inner sense of rightness. They are keenly aware when this rightness is upset and they strive to bring things back into balance.

I watch these children in playgroups. These early takers have become good givers. They actually share willingly � something that is difficult for many children. In playgroups, they are concerned about the needs and rights of their peers as they've seen that modeled.

These children are more sensitive to their friends and their parents. Attachment-parented (especially high-need) children are supersensitive to your moods. When you feel stressed, they act stressed. Eventually, this sensitivity becomes an asset, so that when you feel bad they act their best in order to help you feel better. I have witnessed our own children and others trying to console their upset parents, "Don't cry, Mommy, I'll help you" or "It's okay, Daddy, I love you." Watching a sensitive three-year-old console the adult she loves is one of the most beautiful payoffs you will ever witness. No adult therapist could ever offer words that have such impact as those that naturally flow from the heart of a sensitive child.

As an added bonus, because you were sensitive to your child, you will find your overall sensitivity to everyone and everything else goes up a notch. The ability to get behind the eyes of your child, to see things from his viewpoint, to think "kid first" carries over to your sensitivity to your mate, your friends, your job, and your overall social awareness.

3. Connected kids. AP kids develop the quality of intimacy . Attachment-parented children have the ability to feel close to another person, because these "Velcro babies" spent the most formative months of their lives in arms and at breast. These kids have learned to bond to people rather than to things. They become high-touch persons even in a high-tech world.

Therapists whose offices are filled with former high-need children who didn't get responsive parenting tell us that most of their energy is spent in helping these persons get close to someone. These people have difficulty getting connected. They do not have the capacity for feeling close. Not so high-need children who are the product of high-giving parents. These children thrive on interpersonal relationships. Being connected is their norm. The AP infant is more likely to become the child who forms deep friendships with peers and the adult who enjoys deep intimacy with a mate. These are deep children, capable of deep relationships. Because they were close to their parents and caregivers, they become capable of strong attachments. Intimacy becomes their standard for future relationships. These children are affectionate. The connected child has learned to give and receive love.

(For related topics, see: unconnected child and growing up connected)

4. Careful kids . Connected kids are less accident prone. Securely attached children do better because they have a better understanding of their own capabilities. In parent parlance, they are less likely to "do dumb things!" The organizing effect of attachment parenting helps to curb their impulses. Even children with impulsive temperaments tend to get into trouble less if they are securely attached to a primary caregiver. A child who operates from internal organization and a feeling of rightness is more likely to consider the wisdom of a feat before rushing in foolishly. They think before they act. This may be because connected kids are not internally angry. Anger adds danger to impulsivity, causing a child to override what little sense he has and plunge headfirst into trouble.

5. Confident kids . Confidence comes from two words meaning "with trust." High-need children whose parents respond freely to their needs grow up as if "trust" is their middle name. They grow up learning that it is safe to trust others, that the world is a warm and responsive place to be, that their needs will be appropriately identified and consistently met. The trust they have in caregivers translates into trust in themselves.

I felt he would never leave my arms, but when he became two, he often said, "My do it." I know this is a phrase that many mothers dread (because it takes five times as long for the child to accomplish a simple task), but to the mother of a clingy baby, this phrase is a joy. Now that Jonathan is absorbed in trying things himself, he is rapidly leaving many of his old baby needs, such as demanding to be carried everywhere and never leaving my lap. I must admit that there are times when I miss being the exclusive interest in his life. But when one of those moments arises, all I have to do is give him a big hug and he stops doing what he is doing and returns to me. Mostly, I am proud to see him growing into a happy, loving, self-confident little person, especially when I realize he has done it on his own. I have simply given him the support he needed.

6. Confident parents. Besides these "C's" for children, there is an important "C" for parents. The attachment parents developed confidence sooner. They used the basic tools of attachment parenting, but felt confident and free enough to branch out into their own style until they found what worked for them, their baby, and their lifestyle. In fact, during well-baby checkups I often asked, "Is it working?" I would advise parents to periodically take inventory of what worked and discard what didn't. What worked at one stage of development may not work in another. For example, some babies initially slept better with their parents, but became restless later on, necessitating a change in sleeping arrangements. Other babies slept better alone initially, but needed to share sleep with their parents in later months. These parents used themselves and their baby as the barometer of their parenting style, not the norms of the neighborhood.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130600.asp

= = =

SHUTDOWN SYNDROME

Throughout our 30 years of working with parents and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they receive.
click here
"You're spoiling that baby!"
First-time parents Linda and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy, dependent child.
Parents lost trust
Like many first-time parents, Norm and Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and neither were her parents.
Baby lost trust
After two months of no growth, Heather was labeled by her doctor "failure to thrive" failure to thrive and was about to undergo an extensive medical workshop. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted, and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting to carry her a lot, breastfeed her on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within a month Heather was again thriving.
Babies thrive when nurtured
We believe every baby has a critical level of need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry it out" or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's language.

Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs, and they may become children who don't ever speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t131200.asp

= = =

WHAT ATTACHMENT PARENTING IS NOT

Attachment parenting is not a new style of parenting. Attachment parenting is one of the oldest ways of caring for babies. In fact, it's the way that parents for centuries have taken care of babies, until childcare advisors came on the scene and led parents to follow books instead of their babies. Picture your family on a deserted island and you've just delivered a baby. There are no books, advisors, or in-laws around to shower you with child baby- tending advice. The baby B's of attachment parenting would come naturally to you as they have other cultures who have centuries more child-rearing experience and tradition than all of us have.
click here

Attachment parenting is not indulgent parenting. You may hear or worry that being nurturing and responsive to your baby's needs might spoil your baby and set you up for being manipulated manipulated by your baby. This is why we stress that attachment parenting is responding appropriately to your baby's needs, which means knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Sometimes in their zeal to give children everything they need, it's easy for parents to give their children everything they want.

Attachment parenting is a question of balance �not being indulgent or permissive, yet being attentive. As you and your baby grow together, you will develop the right balance between attentive, but not indulgent. In fact, being possessive, or a "smother mother" (or father) is unfair to the child, fosters an inappropriate dependency on the parent, and hinders your child from becoming normally independent. For example, you don't need to respond to the cries of a seven-month-old baby as quickly as you would a seven-day-old baby.

As your baby grows, you become more expert in reading her cries, so you can gradually delay your response. Say, for example, you are busy in the kitchen and your seven-month-old is sitting and playing nearby and cries to be picked up. Instead of rushing to scoop your baby up, simply acknowledge your baby and give your baby "it's okay" cues. Because you and your baby are so connected, your baby can read your body language and see that you're not anxious, so you naturally give your baby the message, "No problem, baby, you can handle this." In this way, you're being a facilitator , and because of your close attachment you're actually better able to help your baby delay gratification and ease into independence.

Attachment Tip:
"It's easier for me to say 'no' to my attachment- parented child when she wants a lot of stuff, because I know I have given her so much of myself."

Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. not control a child. Attachment parents become like gardeners: you can't control the color of the flower or the time of the year it blooms, but you can pick the weeds and prune the plant so that the flower blooms more beautifully. That's shaping. Attachment parents become master behavior-shapers.

Attachment mothering is not martyr mothering. Don't think that AP means baby pulls mommy's string and she jumps. Because of the mutual sensitivity that develops between attached parents and their attached children, parents' response time can gradually lengthen as mother enables the older baby to discover that he does not need instant gratification. Yes, you give a lot of yourself in those early months, but you get back a lot more in return. Attachment-parenting is the best investment you'll ever make -- the best long- term investment you'll ever make, in your child, and yourselves.
"Won't a mother feel tied down by constant baby-tending?"

Mothers do need baby breaks. This is why shared parenting by the father and other trusted caregivers is important. But with attachment parenting, instead of feeling tied down, mothers feel tied together with their babies. Attachment mothers we interviewed described their feelings: "I feel so connected with my baby." "I feel right when with her, not right when we're apart." "I feel fulfilled."

Remember, too, that attachment parenting, by mellowing a child's behavior, makes it easier to go places with your child. You don't have to feel tied down to your house or apartment and a lifestyle that includes only babies.

Attachment parenting is not hard. Attachment parenting may sound like one big give-a-thon. Initially, there is a lot of giving. This is a fact of new parent life. Babies are takers, and parents are givers. One of the payoffs you will soon experience of attachment parenting is one we call mutual giving � the more you give to your baby, the more baby gives back to you. This is how you grow to enjoy your child and feel more competent as a parent. Remember, your baby is not just a passive player in the parenting game. The infant takes an active part in shaping your attitudes, helping you make wise decisions as you become an astute baby-reader.

Attachment parenting may sound difficult, but in the long run it's actually the easiest parenting style. What is "hard" about parenting is the feeling "I just don't know what my baby wants" or "I just can't seem to get through to her." If you feel you really know your baby and have a handle on the relationship, parenting is easier and more relaxed. There is great comfort in feeling connected to your baby. Attachment parenting is the best way we know to get connected. True, this style of parenting takes a tremendous amount of patience and stamina, but it's worth it. Attachment parenting early on makes later parenting easier, not only in infancy but in childhood and teenage years. The ability to read and respond to your baby, carries over into the ability to get behind the eyes of your growing child and see things from her point of view. When you truly know your child, parenting is easier at all ages.

Attachment parenting is not rigid. On the contrary, it has options and is very flexible. Attachment mothers speak of a flow between themselves and their baby; a flow of thoughts and feelings that help a mother pull from her many options the right choice at the right time when confronted with the daily "what do I do now?" baby-care decisions. The connected pair mirror each other's feelings. The baby perceives himself by how the mother reflects his value. This insight is most noticeable in the mother's ability to get behind the eyes of her child and read her child's feelings during discipline decisions. One day our two-year-old, Lauren, impulsively grabbed a carton of milk out of the refrigerator and spilled it on the floor. As Lauren was about to disintegrate, Martha mellowed out the situation and preserved the fragile feelings of a sensitive child and prevented the angry feelings of inconvenienced parents. When I asked how she managed to handle things so calmly, she said, "I asked myself if I were Lauren, how would I want my mother to respond?"

Attachment parenting is not spoiling a child. . New parents ask, "Won't holding our baby a lot, responding to cries, nursing our baby on cue, and even sleeping with our baby create an overly dependent manipulative child?" Our answer is an emphatic no. In fact, both experience and research have shown the opposite. Attachment fosters independence. Attachment parenting implies responding appropriately to your baby; spoiling suggests responding inappropriately. The spoiling theory began in the early part of this century when parents turned over their intuitive childrearing to "experts"; unfortunately, the childcare thinkers at the time advocated restraint and detachment (i.e., formulas for childcare), along with scientifically produced artificial baby milk � "formula" for feeding babies. They felt that if you held your baby a lot, fed on cue, and responded to cries, you would spoil and create a clingy, dependent baby. There was no scientific basis to this spoiling theory, just unwarranted fears and opinions. We would like to put the spoiling theory on the shelf � to spoil forever.

Research has finally proven what mothers have long suspected: You cannot spoil a baby by attachment. Spoiling means leaving something alone, such as putting food on the shelf to spoil. The attachment style of parenting does not mean overindulgence or inappropriate dependency. The possessive parent, or "hover mother," is one who keeps an infant from doing what he needs to do because of her own insecure needs. This has a detrimental effect on both the infants and the parents. Attachment differs from prolonged dependency. Attachment enhances development; prolonged dependency will hinder development.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130400.asp

= = =

To My Husband

2008-11-25T09:19:00.002-05:00

I wanted to take this time, as I've been working through my emotions regarding Samantha's birth, to thank my husband.

Hun, you have been awesome. I appreciate everything you have done for me, and for our family. Not just in the recent weeks, but over the past 6.5 years. I am very grateful for all that you have done. I see you working day after day to provide for this family, only to come home and stay up until the wee hours of the morning studying...to continue to provide for the family and to provide us with a better life and I am amazed. I can honestly say that I do not think I would have the stamina to do what you do day after day. Thank you.

Thank you for being here for me, supporting me physically, financially, and emotionally. Thank you for being here for me to cry to as I work through the pain and grief of our daughter's birth. Thank you for getting mad with me at the way I was treated by the doctor and hospital staff. Thank you for being so good with our newest daughter, and with our older children. They love you and adore you. I can see the love and adoration in their eyes when I talk about you while you're at work. These children love their father, just as much as their father loves them. I am in a unique position to see both sides.

Thank you for everything you have done, are doing, and will do for this family.

I love you more every day. I know we have our arguments and miscommunication, but I know that at the end of the day you love me and I love you. Thank you.

Assaulted...Traumatized...Birth Rape

2008-11-22T21:15:00.002-05:00

I feel as though I've been assaulted, abused, and raped...that something VERY important to me was stolen by an impatient dr. who may know the mechanics of birth but after more than 20 years of delivering babies is still totally clueless to the process. Birth is more than just about a happy and healthy baby. Yes...if interventions are truly needed then they are wonderful. But, with me...I'm not convinced they were. In fact, I honestly feel as though they were needlessly forced on me by a man who wanted to get home because it was Halloween. I have no doubt this man had every intention of slicing me open from the moment I stepped foot through the hospital doors. I detest this man....this man who sliced me open from hip bone to hip bone, scaring my body, and ripping my baby from my body...all to make an extra buck.

Using breathing techniques and a few minor pushes I got my baby from a -2 station to 0 station. If he had backed off, shut up, and called off his dogs (the nurses) I could have relaxed, spared my BP spike, and given birth to my baby the way that God intended.

Instead, I will never again get to experience the power of labor, of bringing forth a new life from my body. I'll never get to birth my baby in my home. I'll never have the chance to birth as God intended...and as I so STRONGLY believe in.

All because one man was impatient and had no faith in me or my body. He violated me...left me traumatized and forever changed and my body forever marred. (Seriously, my c-section scar is 8" long...by far the longest c-section scar I have EVER seen). He has left me with irreperable damage to both my body and my soul. I detest him. What was supposed to be a beautiful birth of our final child has instead left me feeling less of a woman, violated...raped of sorts.

And then the feelings that come with having a body that has failed me...2 times (well, really 3...but only 2 times that really count). I will never get to VBAC because my body can not tolerate the end stages of pregnancy. I thank God that I live in a time where my pregnancy complications can be caught and me and my babies spared, but I feel shame and heart break and heart ache from loving pregnancy and wanting to do things as close to natural as possible but knowing that because of my body I am unable to birth in the comfort of my home...in the water...in the presence of a wise, experienced midwife and the women in my life whom I love and trust.

This week has been hard for me. My emotions have overwhelmed me...overcome me...and left me battered and torn. My husband doesn't know how to help me, and the strain is great. I'm SICK of hearing, "Well, at least you have a healthy baby and that's what's important" from people. Yes, it IS important...but it is not ALL that is important. If I hear it one more time I fear I may SCREAM!!!

So, please pray that God will bring me healing in the months to come. I have already gotten involved with a group of mothers who have been through similar experiences, and the support is amazing. God has placed women in my life who are able to emotionally help me right now...but I still have a VERY long way to go towards being healed. Your prayers as I journey down this road would be appreciated. Thank you.

More Pics

2008-11-17T10:49:00.002-05:00

Pictures of Samantha Rose

2008-11-07T19:32:00.004-05:00

Here she is! My family thinks she looks more like me than DH. But, she still looks like one of our children. :o)

Samantha Rose - Homebirth to C-Section

2008-11-07T16:52:00.002-05:00

Samantha Rose - Homebirth to C-Section

Written Sunday, November 2, 2008

The short story:
Samantha Rose was born Oct. 31, 2008 at 11:44am.
8 lbs 8 oz. and 20.5" long.

I will start by saying Samantha's birth ended up being the exact opposite of what I had planned (and dreamed). Wednesday at my apt. I noticed I had a REALLY high protein count in my urine. The dip stick registered more than 2000 grams of protein in my urine. My BP, however, was good. I discussed with my midwife what the cause could be, and she thought that maybe it was some blood from my having some blood show on Saturday that was registering it, but to rest and monitor my BP through the drug store, contacting her if it went up. Honestly, this didn't sit well with me and I felt she wasn't REALLY listening to me. Given my history (having had pre-eclempsia twice before) I felt pre-e was where I was going to end up again.

Thursday, we took Heather to school, went and got Tim's paycheck, and went to a friends' house (they had picked Heather up from school for us). We all went out to lunch. On the way home, I had Tim stop by the local CVS to check my BP. This CVS had been pretty accurate through my pregnancy, but of course drug store BP checks can't be "really" counted on...just getting a vague idea. My BP registered 160/101. My heart sank and I knew where this was going. I called the birth center and my midwife told me to come in. We went home, quickly packed some hospital bags, found ppl to watch Heather and William, and headed in to the clinic. In the clinic, my BP was once again okay (while I was lying on my left side). But, I was still registering more than 2000 grams of protein in my urine. My midwife explained to me that we had two options at this point: I could either go home on STRICT bed rest and wait and see if I went into labor over the weekend, coming back in for a BP check on Monday, or go to the hospital to get checked out. (Honestly, she was rather abrupt in this discussion with us as I sat there on the couch crying, seeing my dreams for a home birth disappear...but that could be another whole post).

Tim begged me to go to the hospital and get checked out. I knew in my gut that the pre-e was back again. I'd had a few minor frontal headaches and minor visual disturbances over the early part of the week. Nothing major, but having been down this road before, I knew where we were going. I knew in my heart that I needed an OB at that point. So, we chose to go to the hospital and get checked out.

I got there and sure enough, lots of protein in my urine. BP started to climb, but wasn't really high. Given that I was 5 days from my due date, we expected an induction. The on-call Dr. ordered blood work done. He wanted me started on mag. We initially refused, knowing how mag. would effect me and the potential outcome of our labor, but decided to follow his recommendation for starting it when the labs revealed my liver and kidneys were already shutting down and my BP hadn't even started to climb yet. My doula was a nurse for almost 20 years, and she looked at the labs and agreed. It turned out, the mag. was the beginning of the end.

At midnight mag. and pit. were started. I was 80% and 1cm. A catheter was put in (b/c I can't walk while on mag). By 6am I was 3 cm. I was in a lot of pain from the catheter (not the contractions, if you can imagine). The leg message thingies they were using since I was on pit. (to prevent an embolism in my legs) actually provided me with a LOT of relief and welcome focal point for my hypnotbirthing. However, knowing where things were going and that I wasn't going to be able to use any of the positions/techniques I like to cope with hard labor, I decided to get an epidural (I totally could have gone w/o had I not had the mag..this stuff really is evil). It took and I progressed quickly from there.

I quickly reached 7cm, 100% effaced, and feeling pushy. This is where things went bad. I was weak from the mag. The nurses (I had a WICKED nurse BTW) checked me and I went from 7cm to 10 cm in one contraction so they ordered me to start pushing. I refused, insisting on breathing the baby down. She was still a -2 station, and as weak as I was on the mag. I knew I couldn't push as long as I would need to in order to birth her from a -2 station. I ignored the nurses and the chaos in the room, and focused on my doula who helped me keep my visualisations and breath her down. I got her to a 0 station in about 20 min. and was getting really tired, but could keep going. Then the Dr. came in the room. He kept ordering me to push, I kept refusing, he kept yelling at me, the nurses started yelling at me, it got really crazy and I don't remember much but mentally reaching a point where I knew I couldn't keep going. I was getting stressed and the Dr. wouldn't shut up and back off and let me do what I needed to do. My BP started to climb, Samantha's heartrate started to fall and the "C" word came out. In the end, after much refusing and pushing as hard as I could, I caved and agreed to the c-section. I knew in my heart that I could only keep going and birth my baby the way I needed to if the nurses and that darn dr. (can I use profanity here?) would back off and let me do what I needed to do.

Ladies, it gets worse from there.

I get into the OR and they top of my epidural (that had stopped working hours before...the nurse kept telling me I wasn't feeling pain but pressure and to be quiet...yes, I kid you not. I finally told her to shut up, that I'd given birth naturally before and I knew pain from pressure...that what I was feeling was pain...but that's another whole rant). Of course the Dr. was happy b/c he was getting what he wanted: an easy out since he'd been on call all day and night. The epidural didn't work. They could only numb me to my waist. They tried and tried for 30 min. but it didn't work. They needed it to go up another 4" or so. They tried a spinal, but couldn't discern spinal fluid from epidural fluid and were too afraid of doing the spinal and resulting in respiratory arrest/distress. So, general anesthesia it was.

I did get to see Tim before they put me under. They brought him in, he squeeze my hand, and we told each other that we loved each other. Then they gave me the medicine and I was out. I remember sobbing as I told him that I loved him.

The next thing I remember I was being wheeled back to my LDR room and was in a LOT of pain. I started hollering for pain meds and I was hurting. Tim says I'm a mean drunk. LOL (the only humor I could find in the situation). Samantha had been born an hour and a half before (delivered really...delivered from my unconscious body) and was screaming to nurse. I was in too much pain and begging for drugs. My mom showed her to me, and asked if i wanted to nurse her. I told her no, that I was in too much pain and afraid that I'd drop her. 30 min. later they finally got the pain under control and I was still SUPER weak from the mag. and pain meds. My doula held her to my breast for me so that I could nurse her for the first time.

Samantha latches GREAT! She nurses as though she is a 2 mo. old and is easily extracting all the colostrum from my breasts. She's making plenty of wet/dirty diapers and this has been the one blessing from it all.

I spent 24 hours on mag. following her birth. My mom stayed the night with me to help me with her (since I couldn't be alone w/ her due to the mag.) and Tim took the kids home to sleep in their own beds. This afternoon, after more than a day and a half w/o seeing my kids he was able to bring them to me and Heather and William got to meet Samantha. Heather, of course, is smitten with her little sister. William was a little frustrated that this little creature got to lie in mommy's bed but he couldn't (so my SUPER kind nurse passed Samantha off to Tim and Heather, and put William in the bed with me to snuggle).

I finally got off the mag. Saturday evening and into a room. I lost a LOT of blood during the surgery and had to receive 3 units of blood. Now that I had blood and am off the mag. and the general anesthesia is out of my system I'm feeling good. I never thought a c-section recover could be so painless. I'm sore (I feel like I got kicked by a Clydesdale, LOL) but I feel good. Samantha is nursing GREAT and looooooves the boob. She won't sleep unless she's in her mommy's arms (just like William). She is MUCH lighter in complexion than Heather and William and really resembles me (my sister said that I finally had a child that looks like me, LOL).

Anyway, this is the story of how my dreams of a homebirth ended up in my worst nightmare: a c-section under general anesthesia.

Thoughts as of November 7, 2008 - 1 week postpartum

The emotions that have come up in dealing with this have been intense. Physically I'm recovering fine, but emotionally I'm finding the recovery a LOT harder. To me, this is more than the loss of the birth I wanted, but rather the realization that I'll never experience the joy and peace of birthing my baby at home. I love pregnancy, I love labor, and I love birth. It is a very empowering thing to go through labor and to bring your baby into the world. A woman's body is so strong, and so powerful and I feel as though I was forced to be butchered and hacked open because a doctor and some nurses doubted my body and stressed me out. I know I could have refused the c-section, but with my BP climbing, and as exhausted as I was, I didn't know how much more I could handle physically. I feel like even though I never doubted my body and it's ability to birth my baby, others doubted me...others who really had control over me and the situation. I am angry at them. Very very very VERY angry at them. I am grieving the loss of birthing future children. I know that if I were to have any more children, since my body will go pre-eclemptic again I will have to have my babies by 38 weeks. No one is going to do an induction for a VBAC, even if I have a proven pelvis. The liability in this litigation happy society is too high. So I'm mourning the loss of EVER bringing forth another baby from my body. I can't even bring myself to write a letter to the hospital yet because I don't know that I can calmly and rationally write it.

Thanks for reading

A Vote for Obama is a Vote for Socialism

2008-10-29T21:46:00.001-04:00

Okay, I've refrained from posting things political this entire election/campaign season, but I can't hold back any longer.

A vote for Obama is a vote for socialism.

What is socialism?

Socialism is:
1.
a political theory advocating state ownership of industry
2.
an economic system based on state ownership of capital [ant: capitalism]

or

An economic system in which the production and distribution of goods are controlled substantially by the government rather than by private enterprise, and in which cooperation rather than competition guides economic activity. There are many varieties of socialism.
Some socialists tolerate capitalism, as long as the government maintains the dominant influence over the economy; others insist on an abolition of private enterprise

This is EXACTLY what Senator Obama has been preaching this campaign in his "redistributing" the wealth.

Sen. Obama...THIS HAS BEEN TRIED AND IT HAS FAILED!!! EVERY time this theory has been tried it has failed...MISERABLY! Those countries ultimately end up a people who are socially and economically depressed. They have no freedoms unless their government gives them freedoms. Who has tried Socialism? Germany. Cuba. China. Russia (USSR). North Korea...just to name a few.

We are a country whose core values were FOUNDED upon FREEDOM! The freedom come up with an idea, run with it, and then profit from it! The government has NO RIGHT to dictate how much money you can make. Under a Socialist economy you are told how much you can make. Bill Gates will be told that he's making too much, and the woman living off of welfare having 10 kids whom she doesn't care for and refusing to work gets his money. You make too much money if you make $45K a year, so if you make more than that we're going to give your money to those who are not working.

Power corrupts.
Why the hell would we give all the power over how much money we can make into the hands of a few people??????

Our economy is struggling. Obama is offering everyone a shit sandwich, but selling it in such a light that everyone is lining up to take a bite. DON'T be one of those who fall for this tactic.

I'm sorry if this pisses people off BUT IT IS THE TRUTH! And if you can't handle the truth then remember: the Nazis were Socialists.

Simeon Nix

2008-10-13T10:05:00.002-04:00

As many of y'all know I attended Bell Shoals Baptist Church when I was in high school. This church impacted me in many ways spiritually and emotionally. The people that God brought into my life during my time at this church He used to shape who I am today. One of these men was the Music Minister, Simeon Nix.

This summer the church has suffered two great losses. The first, on Mother's Day, was the loss of it's Sr. Pastor. This was not the Pastor whom I learned from during my time at this church, so I did not know this man (only of his reputation). The second was the loss of Simeon Nix.

Simeon was an amazing man. He was a big man with an even bigger heart and a love of God that was almost tangible. One of my passions (along with horses) has always been music. God gave me a great gift in music and a great passion for it. In my floundering teen years Simeon, who may not have even been aware of what he was doing, encouraged me with my music and helped me to find a way in which I could express my love of God through my music. Simeon is one of the people key in my spiritual and emotional growth through my teen years, and I was saddened to hear of his passing.

I look forward to one day seeing Simeon again, and watching him worship the Lord as he always does, but in the presence of our Lord. I pray that his wife and children are able to find peace in the months and years ahead.

HUGE Milestone

2008-10-12T19:10:00.003-04:00

I had my home visit from my midwife today. This was a visit from one of the midwives from the birth center to come, see how to get to my home, see the layout, check and make sure I have all my supplies, see where I think I'll be wanting to do most of my laboring and where I think I might want to birth the baby, and answer any questions pertaining to either one. This visit went very well and was very productive.

The visit concluded with the midwife informing me that because I am so close to 37 weeks (I'm 36 weeks 5 days) if I were to go into labor tonight they would still be able to attend my birth. YAY! THIS is the huge milestone. So, Baby Girl can come when ever she wants now.

My Doula also thinks that I won't make it to my due date since I am already having contractions, and have been having contractions for a week and a half now. LOL We'll see! God knows when this little girl will make her arrival, and since this is probably our last baby I am content to sit back and enjoy her rolls, kicks, and punches knowing I probably won't ever get to feel another baby again.

Notes on Solar Power from an Engineer

2008-10-10T09:34:00.001-04:00

My dad is an engineer for the electric company, and these are his thoughts on the use of solar power.

<>< <>< <><

I've had a few discussions lately about alternative energy. It seems that you can't go a day without hearing some environmentalist shooting off his mouth about needing to go "green" and getting off fossil fuels. Renewable energy is a noble idea but it is a long way off yet.

If you have not heard what the real cost of converting your house over to solar cell energy you might want to take a look at these facts.

The typical solar cell today has at best a 15% efficiency rating. The most efficient solar cells achieve a 40.7% rating. The cost of these experimental units are only affordable by the military and government. Go figure?! So if you really want to live in the 1800s and assume a life of crushing inconvenience read on and take a look at the real truth.

The typical solar panel contains 4 cells, and each of them can produce 0.45 volts and 100 milliamps, or 45 milliwatts. Each cell measures 2 inches by 0.5 inches. In other words, with these solar cells you can generate 45 milliwatts in one square inch (6.45 square cm). For the sake of discussion, let's assume that a panel can generate 70 milliwatts per square inch.

To calculate how many square inches of solar panel you need for a house, you need to know:

- How much power the house consumes on average.

- Where the house is located (so you can calculate mean solar
days, average rainfall, etc.). This question is impossible to
answer unless you have a specific location in mind. We'll
assume that on an average day the solar panels generate their
maximum power for 5 hours living in suntan acres.

The first question is actually pretty interesting, so let's work on it. A "typical home" in America can use either electricity or gas to provide heat for the house, hot water, the clothes dryer and the stove/oven. If you were to power a house with solar electricity, you will have to give up the use of these items and convert to gas appliances because solar electricity is so expensive, see below (note: you’re already behind the goal because the last time I checked, gas is a fossil fuel and is not a renewable resource).

This means that what you would be powering with solar electricity are things like the refrigerator, the lights, the computer, the TV, stereo equipment, motors in things like furnace fans and the washer, etc. Let's say that all of those things average out to 600 watts on average. This is probably a very conservative estimate because the power company usually estimates the average load for a typical home to be around 5 to 8 kw, but I digress. Over the course of 24 hours, you need 600 watts * 24 hours = 14,400 watt-hours per day.

From these calculations and assumptions above, we know that a solar panel can generate 70 milliwatts per square inch * 5 hours = 350 milliwatt hours per day. Therefore you need about 41,000 square inches of solar panel for the house. That's a solar panel that measures about 285 square feet (about 16' by 16'). That would cost around $16,000 right now. Then, because the sun only shines part of the time, you would need to purchase a battery bank, an inverter and regulator, a storage facility (away from the house because batteries produce hydrogen sulfide gas with is highly flammable) etc., and that can double or triple the cost of the installation.

If you want to have a small room air conditioner in your bedroom, double everything.

Because solar electricity is so expensive, you would normally go to great lengths to reduce your electricity consumption. Instead of a desktop computer and a monitor you would use a laptop computer. You would use fluorescent lights instead of incandescent. You would use a small B&W TV instead of a large color set. You would get a small, extremely efficient refrigerator. By doing these things you might be able to reduce your average power consumption to 100 watts. This would cut the size of your solar panel and its cost by a factor of 6, and this might bring it into the realm of possibility.

The thing to remember, however, is that 100 watts per hour purchased from the power grid would only cost about 24 cents a day right now, or $91 a year. That's why you don't see many solar houses unless they are in very remote locations. When it only costs about $100 a year to purchase power from the grid, it is hard to justify spending thousands of dollars on a solar system.

So before you let the next tree hugging wacko ruin your day with his guilt trip remember some of what we talked about here and go home and get you a tall glass of iced tea, kick back in your Lazyboy and watch a good football game on your 50" plasma and thank God what He has blessed you with and be prudent with all that He has given you.

Belly Pic - 34 weeks 5 days

2008-10-01T19:27:00.003-04:00

I have been bad about getting belly pictures taken this pregnancy. This is due to either not knowing where my camera is, or not having batteries. So, Sunday I passed the mirror in the ladies' room and decided to snap a pic w/ my cell phone. So, please excuse the poor quality...it was taken with a phone...but here I am at 34 weeks 5 days (34w5d).

40 Days!

2008-09-25T23:35:00.003-04:00

No, not 40 days and 40 nights of rain, but rather...40 days to my due date!

WOW! I can't believe it's so CLOSE! Little Miss is going to be here before we know it.

Of course, she decided to wake Mommy up at 4 o'clock yesterday morning with some vigorous kicking. For 3 hours she kept me awake. And when she was done...

...

...

...

...

SHE WAS TRANSVERSE!

The little stinker moved from vertex (head down) and as my darling husband puts it, "launch position" to transverse (or sideways). Her head was between 1 and 2 o'clock (on my uterus) and her little bum at around 6 or 7 o'clock.

At the ultrasound that day, she measured 36 weeks 1 day, and I was 34 weeks 1 day...and she weighs about 6 lbs (so about 65th or 70th percentile...so a good size, but not a huge size). She's long for her size. That means less room.

She has 2 weeks. 2 weeks to get back into "launch position" or my plans for a home birth, what I've fought for the entire pregnancy, go out the window as I go to a perinatologst (doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies) and he tries an external version (manually turning the baby). If not, then I get the knife b/c there is no way that a baby can physically come out a va-jay-jay spine first.

I've been back to the chiropractor today to have her perform Webster's Technique on me. My pelvis that is usually badly misaligned but very mobile is totally frozen. my Sacrum is frozen. My Round Ligaments are pulled tight. This is probably what torqued my uterus and prompted Little Miss to flip around. So, after nice adjustment, a complimentary 15 min. prenatal massage from the massage therapist who shares the office, and a LOT of walking around, she's trying to move some more. She's been moving around all evening.

So, prayers that in the next 12 days Little Miss flips back head down are GREATLY appreciated. I REALLY don't want a c-section (the thought of the recovery terrifies me: I will have NO help from family).

But anyway, 40 days!!!!! WOW!

Top 10 Ways that a Hurricane is like Christmss

2008-09-25T20:07:00.001-04:00

Top 10 Ways a Hurricane is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).

9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season
(Camping gear, flashlights).

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.

7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for 'specials'.

6. Family coming to stay with you.

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.

4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.

3. Days off from work.

2. Candles.

1. At some point you know you will have a tree in your house!

How Do I Deal with the Pain?

2008-09-17T14:18:00.003-04:00

Some recent events in my life have left me hurt, confused, and irritated about friends, friendship, life, and people in general.

I don't understand how a person can be close to another person for years, and then after receiving help bite the proverbial hand that destroyed it's finances to try and help them. Make accusations on events and then, when meeting the person's other friends, use them and hurt them and not see it. The very things this friend accused the person of doing, she is now doing TO that person, and is placing the now mutual friends in a hard spot with her pain, selfishness, and immaturity. The degree of her immatuirty has reached a new level in that she doesn't even call me any more unless she needs something from me. No calls to say hi, no calls to see how me or my pregnancy is progressing, no calls unless SHE needs something from me.

This person is very needy, and is behaving as a child in an attempt to get attention. As a result, her children (who are very very badly behaved themselves) are picking up and learning from and mimicking the behavior that they see in their mother (and father).

As a result of this selfish behavior she is hurting a friend very close to the me. How does one cope with the pain?

If the pain were limited to me, I'd just stop contact, cut ties, cut my losses, grieve, and move on. I can't do this, though, when I see my other friend being hurt. This other friend is placed in the middle caught between me and my (former) friend, her marriage, family, and health are all being hurt. Seeing this pain, and being unable to help in any way, is very hard for me and it makes the huge knife in my back twist further and further into my back. If my (former) friend wanted to hurt me, this is a very good way of doing it. The only way for me to protect myself from the pain (or the unnecissary rise in blood pressure) is to cut ties with my other friend, and I don't want to do that. I love this person SO much and hate seeing her being harmed by the selfishness exhibited by the other former friend.

How do I cope with the pain? How do I release the deep pain that I am experiencing without hurting anyone else in the process? How do I vent and cope and heal without having a rise in my blood pressure and having another child born prematurely?

I can use the prayers of those who love me right now, as well as advice on how to deal with my deep, deep pain. I know this will take years to totally heal, if it ever does, but right now I just need to know how to move forward and release all the pain I'm feeling.

Singing Obama

2008-09-05T19:44:00.001-04:00

This is funny. I could be done with any politician and it'd be equally funny.

So, enjoy the creative genius of whomever did this. LOL

Powerful Video - on Obama's Politics

2008-09-04T10:04:00.002-04:00

The more I learn about this man, the more I fear him. Not dislike him (I dislike Mrs. Clinton, I fear Mr. Obama) but fear him. I was sent this video on YouTube and watched it. I'm posting it here as well, but you have to click play to view it so if you choose not to, that's fine. It prompted me to do more digging on the topic. I have learned over the years that there is so much swing one way or another in politics that it's hard to get an "unbiased" truth. In the course of my digging I learned that this video is correct in that He did not vote to ban partial birth abortion. However, he also did not vote a direct "no." He voted "present" which is essentially a "no" vote, but allows him the freedom to say politically that he did not ever vote against abortion. Even Mrs. Clinton voted against partial birth abortion...and yet the man campaigning for our vote for President of the Free World refused to back this law.

Some argue that sending troops off to war is murder, and how can someone support that and not a woman's right to choose? I'm not going to get into the "she gave up her rights when she had sex" arguments, but I am going to say this. As a Christian.

Biblically, war is Godly. God says, "there is a time for peace and a time for war". (Ecclesiastes 3:8) God also says multiple times that life begins at conception.

Jeremiah 1:5 5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Psalms 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Isiah 44:2 This is what the LORD says he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.

Isiah 44:24 "This is what the LORD says your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself

Finally, those who are dying in war are doing so out of their CHOICE and are choosing to protect us and our freedoms. These babies that are dying didn't have the choice to be conceived..to be born...or to die. I don't think Roe V. Wade will ever be overturned...but I can not see how leaving a living, breathing, baby to die (especially alone in a cold room) is moral and does not bring God to tears. As long as people continue to oppose what we know to be Biblically immoral, and we continue to praise God, and pray for this country, and seek God's will, I believe he will continue to grant us his hand of protection. But looking at how many people want to obliterate us (mostly Islamic extremists) I see how easily we would be living under oppression and fearing for our lives if God chose to remove that hand. While I may not be thrilled with Mr. McCain and may of his choices or stances, I see a vote for him being a vote to keep God in our country. I will continue to pray for all the candidates, all of our government leaders, for this country, and for the physical and spiritual safety of my children.

The Cost of Cloth v. Disposables

2008-08-28T16:45:00.001-04:00

Someone asked me what the cost of cloth diapering is compared to the cloth of disposables. So, I finally sat down and figured it out. I was floored. Here's what I told her:

<>< <>< <><

The price can vary depending upon what system you want to use. There are various ways of cloth diapering, from cheap (but not as easy) to easy (but not as cheap). It all depends upon how much you want to spend. :o)

Prefolds - these are the cheapest cloth diapers to use. You'd need 3 dozen preemie, 2 dozen infant, and 2 dozen premium diapers. However, for the first 4-6 months you only need the preemie and infant. The preemies run about $11-$12 a dozen, and the infants about $18-$25 a dozen. You'll need about 6-8 covers per size, newborn (NB), Small (SM), Medium (MD), and Large (LG). But, again, the NB and SM will get you to about 4-6 months, giving you time to buy the next size (Premium prefolds and medium covers). You can get ProRaps for about $4.50 each if you call the 800 number in the FAQ section of the link in my siggy. You're also going to want about 3-4 snappi's (these are used instead of diaper pins, and are a one-time investment). They run about $2.50 each. So, to start, you're looking at:
Preemie Prefolds - $33
NB Covers - $18
Snappis - $10
This will get you through the first 4-6 weeks, so you'll want to order these first and order the infant and SM asap.
2 Dozen Infant - $40-$50
SM Covers - $10

The easiest method is to use all AIOs or the very popular Fuzzi Bunz (a pocket diaper). These are pricey, running $20 each. Again, you'll want 3 dozen smalls, and 2-3 dozen medium and larges. The thing about the mediums is they stay in the forever. My 2.5 yr old only started to fit into the Larges about a month ago, and he still wears the mediums. You can also find packages online where they have sets of 1-2-3 dozen and the price per diaper is discounted a little. You can also buy packages of seconds (they have some small flaw but are perfectly functional) discounted even further. For instance, www.abbyslane.com has 24 fuzzi bunz for $430. However, if you join her Yahoo! email group you can get a discount code for 5% off of your purchase, bringing the 24 diapers down to $409.26 However, you'd need to spend this for each size, bringing it up to about $1300 total. You can recover a lot of this (half or more) by selling off each size as your baby outgrows them, as they hold their value and are highly sought after. www.diaperswappers.com is a good place to buy and sell used diapers.

There is a method that is between the two above methods: BumGenius One-Size diapers. They fit from birth to 35 lbs (yes, my 2.5 yr old can still wear them, as can my 4 yr old...yes she's potty trained, she just wanted one on one day, LOL) Again, you can buy them at www.abbyslane.com You'd want 3 dozen of these (to prevent too much wear and tear over the years and because a newborn will need closer to 3 dozen diaper to get through 2 days between washings). They run $613.20 before her discount for 36 diapers (ordering a set of 30 and a set of 6) and $582.54 after the discount.

Compared to disposables, that run about $0.25 - $0.35 per diaper. A newborn will use about 15-18 diapers a day the first 2 months, averaging 960 diapers in the first 2 months for a cost of: $288 (at $0.30 per diaper in the current economy). From 8 weeks to about 9 months baby will use about 9-12 diapers per day, and the diaper packages go down to about 32 diapers per package. So, about $823 for those 7 months. From 9 months to 24 months they'll use about 6-9 diapers a day (depending upon how often baby pees)so about $882 for those 15 months. IF your child potty learns at 2, you're looking at a total of: $1993 for two years.

If your child doesn't potty learn until 3 then you're looking at an additional $705 bringing the total up to: $2698 for 3 years of diapers that end up in a land fill for 500 years.

100th Blog!!!

2008-08-22T09:34:00.004-04:00

This is my 100th blog!!! WOW! Hard to believe I posted 100 blogs on my random musings, thoughts, and sometimes complete nothingness. LOL

So, to celebrate, I'd like to hear from everyone as to what blogs stood out or impacted you the most. Maybe my political rants rub you the wrong way, or you disagree with them? I wanna hear it! If you love the advice I've given on wearing your baby, then tell me! :o)

So, to YOU...my blog readers...I want to say thank you for reading my thoughts. :o) You all are great!

Obama Has a Half-Brother

2008-08-22T09:29:00.002-04:00

It has come to light, by the Italian version of Vanity Fair, that Sen. Obama has a half brother. The shocking part? This poor man is living in poverty in a squatters/shanty town in Nairobi...and Sen. Obama knows this.

I think the thing that gets me the most is how Sen. Obama claims to be a Christian. As Christians we are called to help those in need, to help our spiritual brothers...and he will not even help his biological brother. To me, this is disturbing.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/barackobama/2590614/Barack-Obamas-lost-brother-found-in-Kenya.html

Barack Obama's 'lost' brother found in Kenya
Senator Barack Obama's long lost brother has been tracked down for the first time living in a shanty town in Kenya, reports claimed.

By Nick Pisa in Rome
Last Updated: 11:52AM BST 21 Aug 2008
George Hussein Onyango Obama
George Hussein Onyango Obama, Senator Barack Obama's long lost brother was tracked down living in a hut on the outskirts of Nairobi Photo: Guy Calaf, Vanity Fair, Italy

The Italian edition of Vanity Fair said that it had found George Hussein Onyango Obama living in a hut in a ramshackle town of Huruma on the outskirts of Nairobi.

Mr Obama, 26, the youngest of the presidential candidate's half-brothers, spoke for the first time about his life, which could not be more different than that of the Democratic contender.

"No-one knows who I am," he told the magazine, before claiming: "I live here on less than a dollar a month."

According to Italy's Vanity Fair his two metre by three metre shack is decorated with football posters of the Italian football giants AC Milan and Inter, as well as a calendar showing exotic beaches of the world.

Vanity Fair also noted that he had a front page newspaper picture of his famous brother - born of the same father as him, Barack Hussein Obama, but to a different mother, named only as Jael.

He told the magazine: "I live like a recluse, no-one knows I exist."

Embarrassed by his penury, he said that he does not does not mention his famous half-brother in conversation.

"If anyone says something about my surname, I say we are not related. I am ashamed," he said.

For ten years George Obama lived rough. However he now hopes to try to sort his life out by starting a course at a local technical college.

He has only met his famous older brother twice - once when he was just five and the last time in 2006 when Senator Obama was on a tour of East Africa and visited Nairobi.

The Illinois senator mentions his brother in his autobiography, describing him in just one passing paragraph as a "beautiful boy with a rounded head".

Of their second meeting, George Obama said: "It was very brief, we spoke for just a few minutes. It was like meeting a complete stranger."

George added he was no longer in contact with his mother and said:"I have had to learn to live and take what I need.

"Huruma is a tough place, last January during the elections there was rioting and six people were hacked to death. The police don't even arrest you they just shoot you.

"I have seen two of my friends killed. I have scars from defending myself with my fists. I am good with my fists."

Politics and Personal Responsibility

2008-08-18T09:29:00.004-04:00

This time, every 4 years, is filled with politics. There's name calling, bashing, mud slinging, and even bandwagon riding. This year has been even more so because with our first African American candidate who is a real contender for the office of President of the United States has caused many heated arguments. If a person does not support him, they get the "You're just racist" comments thrown at them (Yes, I've even had them thrown at me...as I stand there with my BI-RACIAL children!!!). It's been nasty.

Here's where I stand. We live in a society that pushes "self." All that matters is that "I" feel good, nothing matters unless the individual is happy. That brings back to mind President J. F. Kennedy said: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." We live in an era where neighbors no longer help each other out (unless it is convenient), and people will do anything to climb higher than the other person. In short, the Christian principals that this country was founded upon (brotherly love, kindness, the fruits of the spirit) are gone, or fading fast. So much of our society would leave our founding fathers rolling in their graves. Our society lacks moral absolutes, and our founding fathers founded this country upon absolutes. Just reading the Declaration of Independence shows this.

"When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. "

They didn't say, "We think that..." or "We feel that...", they said "We hold these TRUTHS". A truth is an absolute, it's not open for interpretation. Our society is lacking these truths, the absolutes. It's all become "What ever you think is right is right." Fewer and fewer people are willing to stand up and say, "Enough is enough...this is WRONG and there is no negotiating this fact."

I watched a Presidential Candidate discussion led by the pastor of Saddleback Church in CA (he is also the author of "The Purpose Driven Life"). He had a list of questions for both candidates (Sen. Obama and Sen. McCain) on morals, religious faith, and their personal character.

I will admit, that I was impressed by some of what Sen. Obama had to say, but there was still far too much that had me leery. For instance, one question was "Do you believe evil exists and what should we do about it." His response was that yes, he does believe evil exists (yay there) but (uh-oh...buts are never good) he doesn't believe that we should eradicate it, that it is something best left for God, and also that evil is subjective. I have issues with this. Why are we called to be spiritual warriors if we are to just sit back, negotiate with evil, and wait for God to do something? No, I'm not saying that God doesn't do anything...I am saying that God himself says that we are to be warriors, we are to fight evil. Even regarding war, God says there is a time for war and a time for peace. So, while people who believe in more of a pacifist way would like this answer, it did not sit well with me.

Sen. McCain, without hesitation, said that Evil DOES exist and we are not to tolerate it. We are not to tolerate the evil that was done on September 11, 2001 and that we are to stop this evil before any more people are harmed. This answer, I liked.

The questioning continued, and everything Sen. McCain said kept coming back to emphasizing how people need to stop thinking of themselves and start thinking of others. He criticized the government for telling people to go shopping, or go on vacation, after September 11 happened, and said that it should have encouraged people to join the Peace Corps or the military to help stop these people who killed thousands of our innocent people. I literally applauded this (as did my sweet little son who was sitting on my bed next to me).

So, the foundation of Sen. McCains views (and not all of them I agree with) seems to be simple: stop serving self, and start serving others. So, in the end of it all, after much research on my part, this man will get my vote come election day (which, ironically, is also my due date).

Sugar, Sugar, and a Big Ol' Crash

2008-08-13T00:12:00.000-04:00

I was FINALLY able to take my glucose test today. After the fiasco with the lab last week, my MW's office called and we decided to do the test there in their office. They were appalled at all the hoops both them and I would have to jump through to get the lab to let me do the test with anything other than glucola. *gag*

So, I ate a big protein and veggie dinner last night, and went in today. I drank my 10 oz. of pure grape juice, and then saw the midwife (MW). After that I still had 15 min. so i was able to go outside and power walk for 10 min. pushing DS in the stroller to help burn off some sugar. I came back in when the 1 hr. was up and went back to have my blood drawn.

Well, I was dehydrated. Badly. I'd not eaten in 17 hours, and had only had grape juice to drink in several hours. So, it REALLY REALLY REALLY hurt when she stuck the needle in my vein (in my best vein too, which was odd). I was so dehydrated that the blood was thick and dark and flowed slowly into each of the 3 vials, hurting more and more by the second. The more it hurt, the more dizzy I got. When she was done, I sat there for a second until the room stopped spinning. I then went into the bathroom to pee one more time, and when I got out I was so dizzy that I was able to call out for help before just collapsing on the floor. The poor nurses started freaking out. I was sweating bullets in a cold sweat, and all the color was gone from my face. They frantically got the midwife who laid me down, had them bring a blanket to put under my head, and stroked my head and face while I laid there. They said that I passed out for a moment there. Once I was lying down I started feeling better, and they brought me a wheel chair to wheel me outside. My MW clinic is inside the hospital, which has parking we have to pay for at each visit, or complimentary valet parking (which we utilize as tipping the attendants is cheaper than the cost of the parking garage that runs us almost $5 a visit otherwise).

A nurse wheeled me right out to the car, and gave my DH and I instructions to stop on the way home and get big protein meal...no sugars or I'd have another sugar crash like that.

The kicker: by the time they drew my blood, b/c i'd been fasting (like they directed) it was 17 hours without eating. Man, if this is how I was with just a 1 hr. test, I know there's no way I'll get through the 3 hour if I fail this one. I'm praying the fasting, grape juice, and walking will do the trick and I'll pass.

Breast Is Best...and a Protest

2008-08-07T22:47:00.003-04:00

I stumbled upon this site through another blog I was reading (whom I will not link to at this time to avoid any unwanted attention going to her blog in a difficult time). I saw this in the archives of the site and just HAD to share the link. Those of you who support breast feeding will enjoy this virtual protest and cyber "thumbing the nose" at Facebook from back in October of last year (2007). So, for the benefit of lactating moms every where, and without further ado, I bring you the video montage.

http://www.leagueofmaternaljustice.com/montage.html

My Vices

2008-08-07T19:34:00.003-04:00

I am a woman of many faults. I am working on them, but they (my faults) still keep biting me in the bum.

One is that I care too much about my friends. I take their pain and frustration to heart and when I see them suffering, or hurting, I want to fix the problem. I guess I'm too empathetic. This has it's good side, in that when my friends are happy, and something good happens in their lives I am able to rejoice whole heatedly. I tell everyone I know that something good has happened to a friend (they've had a baby, fallen in love, bought a new car, child reached a new milestone, etc...you get the picture). When they make a bad choice, or something bad happens to them, I typically turn to my DH to vent because I am so distraught. I am not the type of person who can bottle my feelings up. I guess you could say that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. (This is much to my husband's chagrin and has been the source of much frustration for him as well) When I am emotional about a friend's problems, and venting to my poor unsuspecting (although by now I suspect that he is not so unsuspecting) husband is not enough, I"ll turn to a few people close to me whom I care about and I know can offer me either an ear to vent to or can offer me wise counsel. I crave wise counsel and try not to make a decision until I have gotten feedback on the situation from a few select people such as: My mom and dad, Jack and Jill, and a only one or two others. When I am REALLY distraught, I may allow a little bit to slip out to a few other friends who will only be an ear for me...but I really really try not to do this (and it really does slip out, so I guess "allow" is not the best word to use here).

I can keep secrets when they need to be kept, but I am like an emotional volcano and when I get too emotional I must vent. I can't always vent here about people because I do not want to make my frustrations/pain that is another person's pain/poor decision public to the whole of the world wide web.

I am also very dramatic. I believe this stems from the same emotional charge that is effecting me now. I respond so strongly to my emotions, that I respond very dramatically. I guess I should learn to be a Vulcan and show no emotions and work off of facts alone...no, that wouldn't work. But how do I find a balance?

Sadly, this trait has come to bite me in the bum, and I fear I have lost some friends today. If they read this blog, I want them to know it was never my intent to cause harm, and to possibly understand where I am coming from to better understand why things are as they are. I love my friends dearly, and can not stand the thought of a life without them. This is why I do so much for them, why I help my friends (all of them) as much as I can. I'm a "fix it" kind of person. I see a problem, then I want to fix it. I see pain, I want to "fix it" (or heal it). I would take the pain of those I love and make it my own if it would ease their pain.

So, seeing that my poor choice in "venting" method has cost me so much, I am left with two choices:

Harden my heart to my friends, and take more of my husband's approach of "if it doesn't effect my family, I won't invest emotionally in it" (even though he sill tries to help out those he cares about, he limits his emotional investment)

or

Find another way of venting...of releasing this emotional build up. But how? What can I do? I just don't know!

I see now that my previous method of venting was not only a poor choice, but also un-Biblical. I love the Lord with all my heart, I long to be like Him. I believe he gave me such a strong empathy towards my friends for a reason, but I need to learn how to harness it and use it in a way that will not go against His will.

If anyone has advice on how I can vent without harming those that I so dearly love, I am open to suggestions. I also ask my friends to PLEASE call me on it if I begin to fall back on this vice. I seek accountability and pray that I can humbly accept it when it (accountability) is given.

To those whom I have hurt, I offer you my whole hearted, most sincere apologies and pray that some time in the future you can offer me your forgiveness. To those whom I have not hurt, please know that I love you all deeply. I consider you all to be as family.

Okay, so this is I think the second in a series of "my vices" blogs I've posted this year...if not, it's the second MAJOR vice/flaw that God has brought before me (painfully) to work on. The other, being negative all...the...time. I'm still working on that one, and hope that I am improving there too.

You Know You're a Floridian When...

2008-08-06T23:37:00.002-04:00

Being a 5th generation Floridian, I can TOTALLY relate. I thought my fellow Floridian readers would enjoy this as well.

<>< <>< <><

You know you're a Floridian if...

Socks are only for bowling.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but
everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

You dread love bug season.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

'Down South' means Key West ...

Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee and Micanopy.

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a
boat yourself.

You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.

You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba.

You not only forward this but you understand it!

Fun for Kids!

2008-08-04T11:50:00.003-04:00

Another comment that should probably make it to "The List" prompted this post.

My kids are playing with play dough right now, and I thought it might be fun to tray and make some home made goo or slime for them later today, so I ran a search for "goo" recipes. I found this one, and we're going to give it a shot! I'll let you know how it turns out

http://www.sciencebob.com/experiments/polymer.html

To make one golf ball size batch of slime you will need:

Elmer's glue (most kinds of white craft glue will work)
2 disposable cups
Food coloring (you pick the color)
Water
Borax (available at most large grocery stores near the laundry detergent)
Small plate, dish or plastic wrap.
A plastic spoon (for stirring)
A tablespoon (for measuring)
What to do:

Beforehand: Mix about a teaspoon of the Borax into a cup of water and stir (it usually doesn't fully dissolve)

SLIME TIME!

Fill the plastic cup with about 1/2 inch of glue
Add 20 ml (three tablespoons) of water to the glue and stir
Add a few drops of food coloring and stir again
Add two tablespoons of the Borax solution and stir well.
Lift out the spoon with the goo and place it on the dish
Let it sit for about 30 seconds and then pull it off the stick and play with it!

That's all for now!

P.S. If you're wondering what I said that didn't make it to "The List" it was, "Get the play dough out of your ear!" LOL

The "List"

2008-08-04T11:33:00.002-04:00

The things we say as parents, that we would never say otherwise. The list can be fun, so feel free to add to it in the "comments" section.

I bought my kids a bag of mixed nuts to share in the car one day. A MUCH healthier snack than chips, or cookies, or french fries, and I knew they'd enjoy it just as much so I was proud of myself for making such a wise decision regarding my children's dietary needs.

Heather took William's bag of nuts away from him.

"Heather, quit playing with your brother's nuts and give them back to him!"

Yes, I actually said it.

It gets better, though.

William was throwing handfuls of nuts from his bag across the car, and giggling gleefully.

"William, quit playing with your nuts and put them in your mouth!"

I...about...died. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I had to work hard to choke back the laughter that threatened to spill forth and cause my son to continue "playing with his nuts."

Of course, there's, "Leave the cat alone, and quit trying to lock his head in the box" with the box being a Sterilite container he was trying to close, with ONLY the cat's head inside. But that's still not as funny as the nuts comments.

Ah, the things we say...

He called the COPS!

2008-08-03T23:39:00.000-04:00

Okay, so William had a late nap today, falling asleep on the way home from the mall and sleeping until 7pm (from 5pm to 7pm). Thus, he was up late. This is not normal for him, and it is frustrating b/c DH and I are trying to keep an eye on him while we work on our individual homework assignments, which is why we wait until the kids are sleeping to attempt any homework...trying to get it done while the kids are awake is a mute point...a lost cause...b/c we just can't focus on homework AND provide adequate supervision to a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. I'm sure you all can relate. LOL

So, while I'm sitting here on my bed working on a paper regarding the roll of police officers in the court room and the ways in which their testimonies can impact a case (yes, blah..bland...can I go to sleep yet? ROFL I'm a Criminal Justice major, and will be graduating in 4 weeks!!!), William is sitting at the foot of my bed playing with some toys.

My phone rings. I look up and William has it. Okay, no biggie. I have T-Mobile and Myfaves, so if he hits talk, it'll just call DH. Thus, I've never been concerned about him getting a hold of my phone. He handed me the phone, and I didn't recognize the number. Since it was 10:30 at night, and I have a friend whose 30 wks pregnant and been battling pre-term labor, I figured I should answer just to make sure it wasn't her in labor.

IT WAS THE POLICE!!! The Police Officer informed me that they'd just received a 911 call from this number, and was wondering if everything was okay. I informed him that yes, everything was fine and my son had gotten a hold of my phone. I thanked him for calling back and looking out for us this way, but that everything was okay and I'd be placing my phone out of my son's reach. He said he understood, that it happens all the time, and wished me a good evening.

I hung up, hollered for DH, and then scrolled through my dialed calls, baffled at how a 2 yr old could manage to dial the numbers "911" (when I let him have my phone WITH supervision, he normally hits numbers that are next to each other, not so far apart). He dialed 112. The entry registered it as an emergency number. I've never heard of this before, but am CERTAINLY going to be keeping my keypad locked from now on. Geez!

So, my 2 yr old son called the cops on me. Boy, I certainly hope this isn't a sign of things to come. LOL

Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled evenings (and I'm headed back to my paper).

Cloth Diaper GIVEAWAY!

2008-08-01T18:32:00.001-04:00

For my Cloth Diapering readers, check out this give away!

http://charpenette.blogspot.com/2008/08/free-for-you-friday.html

10 Worst Baby Products Ever

2008-08-01T17:39:00.001-04:00

I got a kick out of this, and though my fellow mommies (and human beings for that matter) would get a kick out of this.

Lets face it...cold, lifeless hands to cuddle your baby? *gag*

http://www.creativeminorityreport.com/2008/07/ten-worst-baby-products-ever.html

More Jeff Dunham

2008-07-31T22:23:00.001-04:00

This guy HAS to be the world's best ventriloquist. This is a blooper thing, and is all "off the cuff." MAN is this guy good, and boy is this bit funny. ROFL

Christmas in July

2008-07-31T22:18:00.002-04:00

For your viewing pleasure (and to help distract you from the heat) here is: Achmed the Dead Terrorist singing "Jingle Bombs."

Using a Wrap

2008-07-30T17:17:00.004-04:00

Since there is so much interest here on using a wrap (like the Moby Wrap), I thought I would share some information, links, etc.

First, Here is why wraps rock! http://youtube.com/watch?v=iPojAygVqV4

There are some basic carries, so you can search YouTube for them.
FWCC - Front Wrap Cross Carry
Kangaroo Carry
FCC - Front Cross Carry
BWCC - Back Wrap Cross Carry
Ruck Carry - an easy back carry
SHBC - Secure High Back Carry

Here are some links to videos on how to do carries with a wrap, listed by the type of carry they teach.

FWCC
http://youtube.com/watch?v=knkiOnBdFB0 - this is an EXCELLENT video. The only thing I don't like about it is the dad only ties the wrap once, and he should tie it off (when done wrapping) with a double knot for safety.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9ZE1L2avn5M
http://youtube.com/watch?v=42yXjkoXl34

Kangaroo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjABSUlY-zU - a quick instruction on this carry, no sound
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6VTZ3M6HVeo - MUCH more detailed instruction on this carry. There's no sound, but it's in German anyway so sound wouldn't benefit most of us much anyway. LOL

FCC - This is an easy carry to do, you can leave it tied while you run errands and just pop baby in and out as needed
http://youtube.com/watch?v=unWZK8qaKa0

Nursing
http://youtube.com/watch?v=z7y8xEQB-xY
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TLduLJFSJn4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UG0vfnfSy-U - I'm not sure what type of wrap she's using as most wraps don't have rings, but this will work simply by loosening the knot.

Hip Carry
http://youtube.com/watch?v=_Z41I-jVO8s

BWCC - There are a LOT of variations on this carry, as well as a multitude of ways of getting baby on your back. If you don't like the method of getting baby up in one video, watch another...but the concepts of how to actually wrap it may be better in some than others or may be easier for some to understand than others. Back carries are highly subjective to individual preferences. Also, with this carry, you can use ruck straps instead of crossing your chest if you prefer. Larger busted women usually prefer this method.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jbKdxwkBiRo
http://youtube.com/watch?v=KppGN5Zy_aw
http://youtube.com/watch?v=z2e6DQTEUic
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3cy45hfsIt0
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jeS5Uqrq508

Ruck
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hA_IXe0yg5w - done with a newborn, she ties this Tibetan which is how I prefer to tie my BWCC
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hwi3cddZl0U
http://youtube.com/watch?v=HdyqImGegHM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qRy353K4Rbw
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wsewka-UpkA

SHBC - this is an advanced carry
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6QH8_EjyFAM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7zEpAOgYnqM - this is done with a newborn, so anyone who is good with the wraps can do it with a child or baby of any age.

For something just crazy, watch this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=iNdNFkIEmkY While this video is being made, she's pregnant with TWINS!!!

Okay, I think this should be sufficient for most everyone. If you are still confused on some of the carries, I'll see if I can't get DH to act as a camera man for me and try and make my own video for you. :o) Enjoy, mamas!

Using a Ring Sling

2008-07-30T16:57:00.004-04:00

A lot of people lately have been coming to me seeking help (online) using different types of carriers. I decided to compile a list of YouTube videos I've found that are helpful for all of the common carries and/or problems with each type of carrier and post them here to keep them central and easily accessable. So, if you are having problems or considering using a ring sling, here you go!

Tummy to Tummy - Newborn

Nursing

Tummy to Tummy (legs out)

Troubleshooting: Snug Top Rail

Rings Too Low

Troubleshooting: Spread Fabric on Back

Baby Too Low

Troubleshooting: Baby's Knees Below Bottom

Sling on Neck

Troubleshooting: Spreading Fabric around Rings

Hip Position

Kangaroo Position

Cradle Position (for Newborns)

The direct URLS

http://youtube.com/watch?v=HdP_KcN20uw - Tummy to Tummy (newborn)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=XCIgzjJjAT4&feature=related - Nursing
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bkb9vZklVpk&feature=related - Tummy to Tummy (legs out)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=h-tPzVZ4TWY&feature=related - Troubleshooting: Snug Top Rail
http://youtube.com/watch?v=it-TH7cC1RU&feature=related - Rings Too Low
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kQ3LZFyAbF8&feature=related - Troubleshooting: Spread Fabric on Back
http://youtube.com/watch?v=n2cbslV1Je4&feature=related - Baby Too Low
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qRt2Uhe0b3A&feature=related - Troubleshooting: Baby's Knees Below Bottom
http://youtube.com/watch?v=M250bvhQ7Kc&feature=related - Sling on Neck
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Sebvt9P2XjM&feature=related - Troubleshooting: Spreading Fabric around Rings
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qk85BnDF-j8&feature=related - Hip Position
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wvJp8FyZ1Mk&feature=related - Kangaroo Position
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vvyQE5ij-os&feature=related - Cradle Position (for Newborns)

Don't Drink the Water!

2008-07-25T01:18:00.001-04:00

The wisdom of the farmer.....

I thought this might make for a good laugh. Thank you hubby!

Don't Drink the Water

Near Fredericksburg, Texas, where there is a large German-speaking
population, a farmer walking down a country road notices a man drinking
from his pond, with his hand.

The farmer shouts: 'Trink das Wasser nicht. Die Kuhen haben dahin
gesheissen.' (Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have
[crapped] in it.')

The man shouts back: 'I'm from New York and just down here campaigning
for Obama, I can't understand you. Please speak in English.'

The farmer says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more

Stretched Too Thin

2008-07-24T23:59:00.002-04:00

I'm going to vent for a few moments. Some may take offense to my venting, but I have to do this (vent) for my own sanity and health as well as for the health of my husband, children, and unborn baby. I'm not a confrontational person. In fact, I go out of my way to avoid confrontation at all costs. I am also the type of person who will do anything and everything to help out those I care about. But I've finally reached my limits.

I guess you could say my desire to help out those whom I care about has come back to bite me in the butt. I've been helping a very dear friend out for the past 6 weeks by housing her and one of her children in my home. I've allowed my home to be turned into upheaval, my children's lives to become invaded (although in many good ways as well as they have had to learn to share as never before), and far too much unneeded strain to be placed upon my marriage and relationship with my husband. My husband is like me in that he also wants to help those whom he care about and so he was on board with helping this friend of mine. The situation is far from ideal in the best of times, but throw in the fact that I am pregnant and things just get harder. I've had to balance tending to my own children, meeting their emotional needs, my usual housework, and limited time with my husband only to have shoveled upon my shoulders coping with my friend's child, expectations that I help her with her child in every way, the added housework from the presence of another family, and I won't even get into the financial impacts it's had on our budget that is already stretched so thin we can only manage to pay our bare essential monthly bills with GREAT juggling (due to a summer of pay loss from one of my husband's sources of income). In short, it's been 6 weeks of hell in many way.

And this is just meeting the needs of one friend.

I've had another friend who had a baby and wanted me there with her through her labor. I did so. And came home to get only 3 hours of sleep due to the presence of small children in my home (namely one very loud child). While my friend apologized for her son disrupting my much needed sleep (sleep needed if I wasn't pregnant), she failed to do what most people would have: take the child out for a few hours so I can sleep.

I've had friends texting me and calling me late at night needing advice or help on things such as car seats, breast pumps, nursing bras, pumping, breast feeding, labor, birth, and much much much more. These are not unusual calls/texts for me to receive, but throw in the sheer chaos of my home, the fact that I am pregnant, I am sleep deprived, and have not had a place to be my sanctuary to go before the Lord in quiet and read my Bible, pray, or even just have peace and I'm stretched too thin.

I am finally standing up. I am saying no. My mom has been encouraging me to say no for a while now, and I guess it's taken me having ongoing painful braxton hicks contractions, running away from my own home to avoid confrontation and chaos, and strained relations with my husband (b/c I'm not the only woman in my home who is begging for his time and friendship...poor, poor, amazing man...Thank you God for SUCH an amazing man!!) for me to start saying No.

No.

No.

No.

I will NOT watch someones child at midnight when I am sleep deprived, tending to my own sick children, AND working on homework. It's not my responsibility. Find another option. (if the above factors are not in play, then yes...I'll most likely watch anyone's child)

No.

I will NOT get up at 6am to help you pick out a car seat. I will sit down at the computer at 8am or 9am after I have woken up on MY terms, cuddled with my children and husband, fed my children and myself, and am sitting down to the computer.

No.

I will NOT drive across town to help you (a proverbial you) with what ever else mundane need is that you have.

I. Am. Done. I finally realize that I need rest. I need peace. I need calm serenity. I need to be alone with my husband. I need to be alone with my children. I need to cuddle with my children, to be in the best form I can be to tend to their medical needs when they arise. I need to rest for the very life of my unborn baby. I need to be able to resolve an argument with my husband without an outside audience. I need to be able to clean my kitchen without choking back language that I do NOT want my children hearing b/c I resent that I am (once again) cleaning up mess that is not our own. I need to not find that I am spending more time going before the Lord seeking repentance and forgiveness for the un-Christ-like thoughts and feelings I have been having than I do seeking his desire for my life and the life of my children. I need to be able to work on my homework in peace.

My husband can only help me so much. He works full time, is a full time student, and helps out around the house as much as he can. He does not have time or energy to cater to any additional needs, and I do not need to find myself having to beg for more from him because I'm helping everyone else under the sun. I have no family to take my children for a few hours so I can sleep, and no friends have offered to step up and help me out in any way shape or form despite my helping them out in every way I possibly can. No one. Out of all my friends.

I don't expect my friends to help me out. I offer to help (and yes, it IS offering...genuine offers from a truly genuine heart seeking to help others...not some false sense of obligation) because I want to help. I don't expect any offers in return. But you know, once in a while just the offer would be nice. Even if I don't accept the offer, just getting one is nice. We mothers need to help one another.

So, for the time being...I'm done. I will continue to offer to help in any way that I can, but I will not allow myself to feel guilty for not offering, and anyone that tries to play the guilty card will be shown the door, or politely have the conversation ended. If I think I can help, I will. I still feel this is how God wants me to minister to those around me. But I will cut back. And I will instead put that time back into my daughter's education, my children's spiritual upbringing, reading the Bible with my children, my relationship with my husband, and more important than ANYTHING else, my relationship with my Lord and Savior.

I guess more than anything else, I just needed to get this off of my chest. I know that only one person really reads my blog, but I still needed to get it out. If anyone reads this and wants to discuss it, remember that I am not a confrontational person, and avoid fighting at all costs. I won't allow my stress level to rise any higher than it already is and endanger my health or the health of my unborn baby. Discussions are fine, but if it starts to get mean or angry, I will end the conversation.

I love my friends. I love you all VERY much. I pray for all of you daily, that God will protect you and your families, that He will Bless you and your families. I pray that no one will take this blog the wrong way. I am venting. Venting. Nothing more, nothing less. Venting because I have to get this off my chest, and putting it down where anyone can read it makes it seem more...real; like my decision is more resolute.

Again, I love you all and thank you all for your friendship.

Army Wife

2008-07-22T15:23:00.002-04:00

DH has always said he wanted to go back into the military. He's always wanted to do this, but had been told early on after his discharge from the Marine Corps that he would have to start out in the reserves in any branch. The goal of his education was to eventually become a commissioned officer in the reserves.

At the recruiter's office in our local town (not the big substation, but a tiny one) DH saw a sign advertising a nice signing bonus for anyone with an Associates Degree. Well, as of June 1, 2008 DH HAS an Associates Degree!!! This prompted him to go inside and talk with this new recruiter. He found out that the reserves requirement is bogus, and not only can he go in active duty but that he would be able to promote very quickly through several ranks due to his Associates Degree.

From a financial aspect, this would be a HUGE life saver for us. We would be able to pay off our debt, start a savings account, and the move into base housing where ever we are stationed would alleviate the stress of most of our bills. Also, DH would be able to continue his Bachelor's degree on the Army's dime...so no more student loans. YAY! In 24 months he will be done with his BA and able to apply for OCS - Officer's Candidate School...and being an officer would help us even more!

So, in many many many ways this would be a HUGE help to us and a huge blessing.

I am, however, nervous at this prospect. I want him to go for it. He would love it, it would help us financially and allow us to enjoy each and our children more, and we'd get to do many of the things with our children that we want to do. However, we would be moving away from where we live, and have only recently gotten totally settled into living here. For the next 11 years we would be living away from our family, whom our children have grown VERY attached to. Taking them away from their "Grandma" and "Abba" would be heartbreaking. Also, an Iraqi deployment would be a sure thing. The thought of caring for 3 small children alone terrifies me. I know that I would move back to my home town for that year, but it is still scary.

So, if you could please pray that God moves us in the direction that He has for us, and makes this path obvious for us, it would be appreciated. Thank you!

"I Want my Mommy!"

2008-07-20T18:20:00.003-04:00

My mom makes some wonderful trips to Jamaica to do missions work...and does a lot of work helping with the local deaf school. She does very good work and I am proud of her.

But she goes down 3-6 times a year, and for the whole week to ten days she's gone I have zero contact with her. I talk to my mom every day, and see her several times a week so these trips are hard. I miss her. I feel guilty for dreading her trips, but I am SOOOO proud of her at the same time.

In case you can't tell, she's there right now...along with 2 of my sisters. I miss them but I am immensely proud of them as well.

I guess I just want to say, "I WANT MY MOMMY!!!" Hurry home safely mom, but may God lead you to impact the lives of those whom you are helping.

Mothers can't do it (give birth) rant

2008-07-17T08:33:00.000-04:00

Wow...the medical community is getting pretty good at refusing to recognize birth as a natural, normal process...and a REALLY good job of scaring mothers into thinking our bodies aren't "good enough." I hear of things like this and it makes my stomach churn (or would that be the ongoing morning sickness? LOL).

http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2008/07/more-better-birth-track-tm.html

And yes, I went and checked out the product. *gag*

Baby Update

2008-07-15T21:15:00.002-04:00

Wow, no special title here. LOL I had another ultrasound today. Baby is continuing to be checked every 6 weeks for any bone deformities (since Sweet Pea has some bone issues) and today was our 24 week scan. I am 24 weeks today. Baby is measuring as an absolutely perfect 50th percentile 25 week 5 day gestational age baby GIRL! Yes, she's still a girl and still a Samantha Rose. She's measuring big, but proportionate for all bone/structure measurements. So, the perinatologist isn't worried. She currently weighs in at 1 lb 10 oz. So, she's a nice healthy size for her age.

I then went to the chiropractor up the road for an adjustment. I've not been in 6 weeks (gas is $4 a gal. and she's a 30-45 min. drive...OUCH!) and have been in excruciating pain in my pelvic/lower back area. It turns out that my sacrum is out of alignment, and is causing me to be in so much pain that by the kids' bed time I'm in agony and don't get out of bed myself (I sit there on my lap top working on homework). The sacrum is a bone but also a joint. Imagine your shoulder or rib being misaligned. Then put all your weight bearing on that section, add a growing uterus pressing up against it and that joint having to bear the weight of a 2 lb baby, the uterus, and the weight of all the amniotic fluid and placenta. From this picture I'm sure you can imagine the kind of pain that this leaves me in.

Finally, the misalignment is causing the baby to be breech. Not a big concern at 24 weeks, but since I can feel her trying to turn head down every night, it shows enough that we will have bigger concerns down the road if this problem isn't dealt with now. So, back to weekly adjustments. And, for tonight, back to icing my back.

That's all for now! I have some great sono pictures that I'll try and get DH to scan later for me. :o)

I Don't Need a Doctor

2008-06-30T01:28:00.001-04:00

This essay was written by Marcela Valle and was posted to ICAN online 5/19/07. It was written after she'd had a coversation in which she explained why she was choosing a midwife for her second birth.
It is reprinted here with her permission

Don't you want a doctor?...

It is a question I have been asked, "Don't you want someone who can handle *anything*?" When I heard this question, so many feelings boiled inside me so fast that my answer constituted: "No, because I don't want someone waiting for the slightest opportunity to cut me open again." And, while that holds true, there's so much more than that and it deserves to be put into words…

I don't want a doctor because I believe in my ability to birth. I believe that Mother Nature/Creation/ God(s)-or whomever you revere- have given us the ability and the opportunity to birth, and to go through that passage for a reason. Over the years in North American culture, we have lost sight of such experience and its purpose. It has been said before, that "A child is born, and so is a mother."

I don't want a doctor because they are experts in many things, but not normal birth.

I don't want a doctor because I want a birth attendant who believes in me. An attendant who will empower me, and support me, and tell me to get it together and birth this baby. I choose someone who will encourage me to be educated and make decisions with me, not for me.

I don't want a doctor because I am not making decisions based on fear. I make decisions based on research, and logic and, all the while, I also follow my heart.

I don't want a doctor because, despite widely held beliefs, birth in a hospital is not as safe as birth outside a hospital. Birth with a midwife, at home, is a rational choice.

I do not want a doctor because I am more than a paycheck, a liability, or a 'difficult' patient.

I do not want a doctor because I do not need to wait an hour in a waiting room to be seen for 5 minutes and by someone who needs to look at my chart to know my name. Instead, I want to be welcomed with a hug, offered water, a snack, and have an hour talking about my pregnancy, my feelings, and my birth plans.

I do not want a doctor because I do not need to feel scared about being an inconvenience, or have questions, take too much time, be too "needy" or have too many expectations.

I don't want a doctor because I want to be regarded as a healthy birthing mother. I am not sick, I am not a patient. I am full with life.

I don't want a doctor because birth is NOT an emergency waiting to happen, it is NOT dangerous. A doctor makes you believe birth is unsafe and you need them. After all, they would not have a job otherwise. A midwife trusts the process and allows it to take its course without fitting it into a box or random standards.

I don't want a doctor because I want someone who can handle things without a knife and someone who knows how to help me get the baby into a better position and over a pubic bone, and whatever else, without slicing me open or using torture devices.

I don't want a doctor because my body works. And it works best if not surrounded by strangers poking, probing and interrupting my concentration.

I don't want a doctor because I know I WILL go into labor, my hips are NOT small, they're the perfect size. My baby is NOT too big, my body CAN dilate, I am NOT a failure to progress…I DO NOT need to be saved. By not having a doctor, I AM saving myself.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want him, or a calendar, or a clock to tell me when I HAVE to birth and how fast I need to dilate. My body knows it, my baby knows it. We'll do it when it's time for the baby to be born, and time for me to birth my child.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want to be offered an induction (or be cut open) because it's close to Christmas, Mother's Day, or Labor Day. I won't be hurried because there's a golf game, a cruise, or a date to be made, or it's just inconvenient for me to wake them up at night or to take too long.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want to be imprisoned in a bed "just in case" and I don't want to have to stay still so a machine can work properly and the nurse doesn't have time to come into my room.

I don't want a doctor because I do not need to ask for permission to use the rest room, move around, eat, or have an opinion. Nor, do I need scare tactics and a "dead baby" card when I opt out of a procedure done only to cover the doctor's legal butt.

I do not want a doctor because I appreciate being talked to respectfully, and acknowledged, and being taken into account. I DO WANT TO KNOW, AND I WILL worry my little head about it, after all, it is my birth, my child, and my responsibility to do so.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want an electronic monitor to tell someone how I'm doing or whether I am in pain or not, or if my baby hugs are adequate enough.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want someone to "manage" my birth, and "solve" things by using interventions, which may lead to more interventions, which would be solved with even more interventions

I don't want a doctor because I don't want to be silent. I will groan, and moan, and sing if I want to, and my midwife may sing with me.

I don't want a doctor because* I *will birth my baby. My midwife will be present at my birth but nothing (besides food) will be *delivered*.

I do not want a doctor because I am not birthing on my back, or holding my breath or counting to 10.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want my child to be poked and prodded before we have a chance to hold each other. I want my baby to hear my voice first.

I don't want a doctor because I cannot bear another cut into my uterus and my heart, nor can I bear to watch another baby of mine born into blinding bright lights, deep suctioning, IV's and antibiotics.

I don't want a doctor because I have all it takes: wisdom, strength, courage, faith and a vagina.

New Blog on Blogroll- Please Pray

2008-06-26T09:47:00.002-04:00

I am a frequent poster on some message boards/forums on iVillage.com and my community leader for my November 2008 Expecting Board developed a tear in her bag of amniotic fluid. She was just shy of 18 weeks when this happened. The Dr's only gave her a 3% chance of making it to viability (24/25 weeks). It's been almost 2 weeks and she still had lots of fluid, no infection, and was given a 25%-50% chance of making it to viability!! This is a wonderful Christian family. Please join me in praying that their baby will make it to viability and beyond. God CAN work miracles!!

Fail Blog

2008-06-18T16:07:00.002-04:00

I found a new blog. I have enjoyed some wonderful belly laughs (and I have quite a belly these days) that are healing to the soul. I thought my readers (hi Jen! LOL) might enjoy this as well. :o)

http://failblog.org/

Love

2008-06-02T00:36:00.002-04:00

Love is the center of everything in our society. But our society's view on love versus the Christian's view on love are VERY different. I guess I've started reflecting upon this because my husband and I are very quickly approaching our 6th anniversary. We love each other. We love each other more now than we did the day we were married, but the love we have for each other is NOT the "mushy heart's all aflutter" kind. The love we have for each other is very deep, it has substance. So, here are my thoughts and beliefs on what love actually is...and is not.

Some believe that love is the aforementioned feelings. If you don't have the butterflies, or feel the sheer euphoria then you must not be in love and so why stay married? Right? Why stay together as boy/girl friend? What IS love?

What is love?

Love is a choice. Pure and simple. I have days where I truly can not stand my husband. I look forward to him leaving for work and taking his sour mood and ill temper with him...and being in bed by the time he returns. But I still LOVE him. (PS, Baby, these days are few and far between...just so you know). Most days I hate to see him go because he IS my best friend, we have such awesome conversations, and are quickly arriving at the same page in regards to parenting and our goals/desires/dreams/prayers for our family. I miss him while he's gone. But, even on the days when I wish I could send him off without the pomp and circumstance, shoo his back side off to the car to go in to work early, I still make the CHOICE to LOVE my husband.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a says, "Love is patient, love is kind, and it is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant. Does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account the wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

No where does God say that Love is a warm, gooey, mushy feeling and that lovers will never fight or get frustrated with each other.

Love IS patient and kind. Husbands and wives must learn to be patient with one another. The loss of patience leads to fights, misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you CHOOSE to love your husband (or wife) you choose to try to be patient with one another, to learn to understand his/her perspective, and to try and see the other's point of view as you work through your issues. It does NOT say that when you love someone you put your own desires first, or that you love them as long as it feels good or is convenient.

My husband and I have our own issues that we have to work through, and they change from week to week, month to month, and year to year. This is normal. But we CHOOSE to work through our problems. I will admit that I believe that lately I've become, in some areas, rather selfish. I am not feeling well and I crave his help and attention because to ME it tells me that he loves me. If I am thirsty and ask for a glass of ice water. It's mundane and irritating to him, but when he brings me the glass of ice water (when I'm lying in bed w/ our son trying to get him to sleep, or simply exhausted) then to ME that says, "Darling, I hate doing this, it's a pain, you have two good legs, but I love you and know you are tired right now so I will bring this for you anyway."

This brings me to my next point. Lovers don't' speak the same love language. Everyone expresses love in different ways. For me, it's acts of service. I will do ANYTHING for those I love and go to any length for those I care about to help them. When I see it reciprocated to me, this tells me that I am loved and cared about. My husband does happen to have the same love language, but we speak different dialects. To me, him picking up a room that is cluttered with the children's toys without being prompted, or simply without complaining when I DO ask for help, tells me that he loves me. For my husband, doing things for his family and reaching out to them tells him that I love him. This is NOT an action that comes naturally to me, and I struggle with it. But I try because this tells my husband that I love him and I will do what I need to so that HE understands this in his own language.

Anyway, that's about it for my current musings on this very important topic. I love my husband, I always have and I always will. I CHOOSE to love him every day.

26

2008-05-31T10:35:00.003-04:00

That's how old I turned this past Thursday. I'm 26 years old. I am almost done with my Associates Degree, I have been married almost 6 years, and I have a 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son with another child on the way. On one hand I feel so old. On the other I feel too young to have so much in my life...so much that enriches it and fulfills it.

Anyway, I spent my birthday running errands and tending to my son who came down sick that night: severe diarrhea for 2 days now and a temp of 101 for as long. I'm now sleep deprived and exhausted and FEELING older than 26. But, I am 26 none the less: an old 26 or a young 26 depending on the day.

Please Continue to Pray

2008-05-31T10:27:00.002-04:00

I posted earlier this month about the passing of an online friend's son. He had cancer (Leukemia) and the chemo and antibiotics killed his gut. Anyway, she continues to update his site/blog with updates as to how the family is doing, but mostly about how she is doing. She's having a difficult time, as I would imagine. She lost her SON! Her son who was so close to her they were very close friends. The pure pain and raw grief that spill forth from her words as she writes inevitably brings me to tears. I feel helpless to help her or bring her even the tiniest amount of comfort because she was "just an online friend." I feel so much hurt for her pain and wish SO MUCH that I could even help shoulder the burden. But, I know that I can not and not one can except Our Lord. So please continue to pray that God can give her more and more good days, days without the guttural, primal excruciating pain that leads to her moans and sobs, and more days where she can find peace and help her to learn how to be a mother to her other children who have been without her for SO long. Please pray that these days pass quickly for them all and she'll wake up and find 6 months has passed, or even years have passed, and the pain is now a dull ache, a hole in her heart that doesn't hurt like it does now. I just want her and this family to find peace and to desperately ease their hurting...and praying for them is the only way I know how.

The Cow

2008-05-26T14:55:00.002-04:00

So, after our trip to the ER, since it was past dinner time we decided to go to BK to get some burgers and fries for the kids b/c they were so good (and BK has a nice $1 menu). We rounded the corner of the building after paying and picking up our order, and this is what we saw across the parking lot in the grass at the edge of the parking lot.

Yup, a beef cow had gotten out from the neighboring pasture and made it's way into the BK parking lot.

I called the Sheriff's Department (b/c Animal Control only deals in dogs and cats) and the conversation with the Dispatcher went something like this.

Dispatcher: Hillsborough County Sheriff's Department, how may I help you?

Me: I'm calling to report a cow loose at McIntosh and I-4.

Dispatcher: You're saying there's a cow loose?

Me: Yes ma'am.

Dispatcher: Is the cow on McIntosh or on I-4?

Me: Well, actually, it's in the Burger King parking lot there at McIntosh and I-4.

(I heard silence and then some snickering in the back ground. It appeared as though the Dispatcher lady couldn't decide if this was some sort of prank call or not)

Dispatcher: There's a cow loose in the Burger Kin parking lot?

Me: Yes ma'am.

Dispatcher: Seriously?

Me: Yes ma'am. I took a picture with my cell phone.

Dispatcher: (laughing hysterically by this point)

Me: Well ma'am, I guess the burgers are going to be fresh tomorrow! (laughing hysterically too by this point)

Dispatcher: (cracking up and roaring with laughter by this point because of the sheer irony of the situation: a cow wandering around the parking lot of a Burger King) Oh My GOSH!

Me: Yes ma'am. This isn't a joke. I am calling you because Animal Control apparently only deals with dogs and cats and not live stock, so I figured calling you would be the best choice since you could send the appropriate people out to handle the situation before the cow makes her way into McIntosh or worse, I-4.

Dispatcher: Thank you for your call, we can handle the situation and I'll send someone out right away.

That was the end of our call. So, when my children ask me to explain irony to them when they're older, I'll simply tell them: a cow getting loose and making it's way into the Burger King parking lot to graze.

Sweet Pea and the ER

2008-05-26T14:35:00.003-04:00

With hands shaking from nerves, I had to take my precious Sweet Pea to the ER yesterday. I was nervous b/c a) she was hurt and b) the last time we took her to the ER (at 14 months of age with a broken leg from a freak fall off her changing table, and how we discovered her low bone density) she was taken away from us by DCF and I was accused to snapping my precious little girl's leg like a twig (and even some people close to me doubted my side of the story, siding with the ER Dr. to add insult to injury).

Sweet Pea was playing with my friend's youngest daughter (Blog link SAHM and Air Force Wife). We don't know if they got mad, or the play simply got out of hand, but some how Sweet Pea ended up being pushed into the desk and cutting open her eye lid just below her eye brow. It didn't bleed all that much, but when I got her eye cleaned up and the blood down to just an ooze I realized the cut was deeper than a scratch and needed medical attention. I called our ped's off and had him paged to find out where he wanted us to take her (he has hospital privileges at one of the hospitals in the area) and he said to just take her to the local ER (not his hospital). My friend dropped off me and the kids (DH was at Busch Gardens w/ the car and car seats) and DH met us at the ER. We were in and out in an hour, and thankfully the ANRP who treated Heather was so thrilled that I am a Lactation Consultant that she was more interested in asking my opinion on tongue tie in a baby (her grand son) and viewed me as a professional peer (just with a different specialty) so she never questioned Heather's injury. That was my biggest fear: that b/c the injury could easily have been received by a hard slap or punch out of aggression that I would, once again, fall under the suspicious eye of Dr's and DCF.

I was right in taking her though. She needed her cut glued shut. She never whimpered, just asked questions about what was going on, and watched TV the whole time. She was SUCH a big girl and I was (and am) SO proud of her!

Oh, and FWIW, I was able to back up the ANRP's concerns and agree that with tongue tie to the level she's describing it needs to be clipped. For those interested, tongue tie can cause much more damage to a baby than just cause problems breast feeding. It can cause the palate of the mouth to become misshapen, or not shape properly, which can restrict or compromise blood flow to the teeth and not only cause crooked teeth, but even cause teeth to die off and leading to false teeth and bridges. There's much more in play than just breastfeeding.

So, today my little girl has a nice shiner and glued eye to show off her fun times with her friends. And yes, she's already asking to go play with her friend again. My girl, the social butterfly like her mama!

The Pharmacy Post

2008-05-21T01:48:00.002-04:00

The Pharmacy. You get your prescriptions filled there, right? You go with a little piece of paper that has illegible handwriting from your beloved doctor, hand it to a mousey guy in a lab coat, sit around for an hour twiddling your fingers while telling your child no, they can NOT eat the midol/candy/vitamins and no, they can NOT play with all the toys in the toy isle, pull all the books off the book rack, or open all the bottles of soda. Fun, right? You leave with a little bottle in a bag (liquid if you have small children, pills for yourself) and now legible directions on how to dispense this medication, and go home to heal yourself or your child. Simple, right? (insert major eye roll)

Apparently my pharmacy (Walgreens on Thonotasassa/Baker St. for those that know me) can't get it right.

My migraine started Sunday night/Monday morning with the arrival of a nice new pressure system that brought with it some MUCH needed rain. I lay in bed in agony, poor hubby unable to help and by now (after 6 years of marriage) so accustomed to my pain that he just ignores me unless I ask for something (what else can the guy do when he can't ease my pain? He enjoys surfing the web, playing games, watching TV, and if hte kids are up he tends to them...for which I am eternally grateful). By 3:30am I knew I needed help...and my migraine meds weren't cutting it. So, I pulled out two prescriptions that I'd had stashed away from the ER (from one of my frequent trips to the ER for migraines this pregnancy...they now recognize me on sight, sad huh?), handed DH the insurance card for my new secondary insurance (yay! no more co-pays!), and off he goes to the pharmacy for me. I could kiss and hug this man for doing this for me at 4am, but I'd have probably thrown up all over him from the pain so not a good idea.

He comes home 45 min. later (it's a 10 min. drive each way normally, but we are now dealing with road work so it now takes longer at 4am. He tosses me two bags and I notice the receipts: we had to pay the co-pays! I asked about this, asked why we had to w/ the secondary insurance, and he said he didn't know but he'd given the pharmacist the insurance cards: both of them. Oh well, I'm in too much pain. I down a LorTabp with a side of soda and go to bed.

I wake up several hours later, take the other (larger) half of the pill, puke (new symptom this pregnancy: I can't take narcotics w/o puking...lovely), and lay back down only to discover that I'm now nauseous, high, and yes, still in pain. (Oh, side note: while I'm puking at 7am, my precious little son runs into the bathroom, pats my head, and hands me a clean wash cloth...he's such a sweet boy. However, he was then joined by his sister and I found myself puking with an audience cheering me on...Go away, kids! Let mommy puke in peace!)

I spend the rest of the day downing Fiorocet every 2 hours, and finding my migraine fluctuating between all out migraine and just throbbing headache that felt like my eye ball was being stabbed with a knife. Even my emergency chiropractic adjustment didn't get rid of it.

FFW to today. My OB calls this same pharmacy and leaves an Rx for more fiorocet b/c after weeks of migraines I'm almost out. We take Sweet Pea to the ped. and get 2 more Rx for her, plus one for my little man for more of his eczema oil (it's the ONLY thing that keeps him from having quarter sized open weeping, oozing wounds all over his body from his eczema). I take my bag of meds from yesterday with me to dispute the co-pays. They find themselves (they, that is the pharmacy people) with all my Rx's and problems, etc. and finally it's all sorted out (hey, I had a GREAT conversation with my dad while waiting about a house we're trying to buy...he's agreeing to co-sign so now we're just trying to find the best interest rate to finance it). Finally,they call me up to the counter, hand me a dozen bags, issue a refund, and I leave. The reason I'd been charged a co-pay? The pharmacist on call the night before HADN'T EVEN ENTERED MY NEW SECONDARY INSURANCE INTO THE COMPUTER!!!! This annoyed me, but hey...what ever.

I get home. Sweet Pea's once again burning up. I give her more Motrin, and go to give her the 1st dose of HER z-pack and find to my horror THEY DIDN'T MIX UP THE POWDER!!!! They sent me home with a bottle of powder! What if I'd NOT been an experienced or thinking mommy? What if I'd measured out 1 tsp. of the powder for her to take (in a spoon of yogurt, milk, etc.)???? She'd have been REALLY sick! The powder is concentrated, which is why it has to be mixed up (plus it makes it easier to take). So, back to the pharmacy we go. 2nd trip.

The Pharmacist, when I told/showed her what happened, started screaming at some poor girl right out of pharmacy tech school. I've never seen a pharmacist so mad before, and never seen one scream at their assistant in front of customers like that...but they knew if this had happened to someone who didn't have a clue what was going on, it could have been serious. They apologized profusely, corrected the problem, Heather and I leave (by now it's 2pm and we haven't had lunch...which is making me very nauseous). So, we have to go by McD's and order from the dollar menu b/c DH and I are broke college kids trying to get by until we're done with school.

I get home, give her the medicine, DH goes off to work and all is well in the world.

Until my last fiorocet wears off.

I dig through the million or so bags we'd bee sent home with to find my new bottle of happy pills (aka, migraine meds!!!). Imagine my sheer horror and outrage to discover that I'd been sent home without it!!!!

Yes, I had to drag two children back out into the heat, drive ANOTHER 10 min. each way, while in excruciating pain, to get my meds that they didn't give me. I was beyond livid. I was looking at a TOTAL of 1 hr of drive time just going to/from the pharmacy! Oh, and gas is around $3.80 right now.

I called the store and asked to speak to the store manager. 1 mistake at 4am, okay...I can understand and they fixed the situation. 2 mistakes, one that could have harmed my daughter, okay...annoying, but hey...everyone makes mistakes, right? We all had/have to be new on our job at some point, right? THREE mistakes, costing me a total of an hour of driving to/from the pharmacy in agony w/ 2 whining kids (plus the wait times) and I'm mad. It's inexcusable. The store manager was mad to hear how we'd been treated, and mortified about what happened with Sweet Pea's Z-pack. (me thinks that poor girl will be loosing her job based upon how mad the store manager, pharmacy manager, and pharmacist were) He told me the medicine was ready, and in compensation for my time/gas/frustration/pain there would be a gift card in my prescription bag when I got there.

So, while we had to spend much more gas than we'd budgeted, at least we were able to get the ink cartridge for our printer re-filled!

I'm still in shock and awe over what all happened. And to think: this is our only option for a "close" pharmacy! Yes, this is why we're trying to buy a double wide in a mobile home community right now: cut costs, save on gas, and GET THROUGH SCHOOL! *sigh* At least my little girl is resting w/ her meds and my migraine is finally gone.

Sick

2008-05-21T01:39:00.002-04:00

My precious girl is sick. Both of my children were cursed with their father's allergies, Little Dude being allergic to over 100 things that we know of for sure (thanks to the marvels of allergy testing done at the tender age or 8 and 9 months).

Well, it's that time of year again. Allergy Season. The trees are growing new leaves, the flowers are in bloom, the yards are being cut weekly...and my kids and hubby can't breath. Plus Sweet Pea got a cold. Oh, and being my child who is so tender hearted and kind and generous she shared it...with me. I ended up with a throat infection hacking up stuff that resembles slimy sludgy mucousy stuff from some B rated SciFi movie and on to a Z-Pack! (apparently while pregnant ANY infection in the body can go to the uterus and/or baby and, well, we don't want that...baby isn't viable yet). Anyway, over the last couple of days she's gone from coughing, sneezing, stuffy head/sinuses and runny nose to coughing, sneezing, stuffy head/sinuses and NO runny nose.

Yesterday, the fever set in. I had a migraine and couldn't get her to the ped. so I did what I usually do, upped her decongestants and started the motrin.

Today it was worse. Waking temp of 102. My OB calls in more migraine meds for me (THANK YOU HOPE! YOU ROCK!) and off we go to the ped. Sure enough, just as I suspected: sinus infection. (BTW: i LOVE our ped! He gets us in as soon as we can get there regardless of what's going on....and he's this way with ALL his patients! No calling and crossing all bodily appendages praying that your sick child whose eyes are glazed over and temp is 107....b/c yes, Sweet Pea's fevers get that high in the blink of an eye...can be seen SOMETIME that day...he sees you as soon as you can get there...and you rarely wait more than 30 min. with 5 being the norm).

Of course, by the time we got there her temp was normal thanks to the Motrin, but they still know her body's MO and checked her. Thank you clogged, infected sinuses. I never thought I'd hear the day that a 4 yr old ASKS for us to squirt prescription saline up her nose! LOL

As for our escapades with the pharmacy, well, that's another post. (off to start the next post...)

Breastmilk...it Does a Body Good

2008-05-21T01:26:00.001-04:00

Jiang Xiaojuan, Jiangyou County Public Security Bureau in Sichuan is an ordinary civilian police, she was in the picture shelters for the earthquake victims in an earthquake orphans breastfeeding.

CHENGDU, China - A Chinese policewoman is contributing to the country’s massive earthquake relief effort in a very personal way -- by breastfeeding eight babies.

A newspaper in Chengdu, the capital of quake-hit Sichuan province, devoted a special page to the 29-year-old woman, calling her a “hero.”

The woman from the quake-ravaged town of Jiangyou has just had a child herself, the Western Urban Daily said.

She is nursing the children of three women who were left homeless by the quake and are too traumatised to give milk, as well as five orphans, the report said.

The babies who lost their parents have been put in an orphanage which does not have powdered milk, it said.

An estimated 50,000 people were killed in the May 12 earthquake, China’s worst natural disaster in a generation.

Birth Order

2008-05-10T11:14:00.001-04:00

I usually just do these things for a laugh and leave it at that. This one, however, seemed to have hit the nail on the head so I thought I'd share.

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty.

At work and school, you do best when you're researching.

When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often.

In friendship, you are considerate and compromising.

Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking.

You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

The Birth Order Predictor

The Lord Giveth, and the Lord Taketh Away

2008-05-08T21:34:00.003-04:00

I have been SO emotional today because of this, and will attempt to type this out without crying again.

A friend's son passed away this morning. He was 6 years old.

There's a mother I know. She is a WAHM (work at home mom) and is on two online forums that I frequent so I've know her/about her for a while. About 2 weeks after Heather was born (yes, 4 years ago) the day before her 3rd son's 2nd birthday, this boy (named Samuel) was diagnosed with Leukemia. They started chemo and after a nice battle (during which he had a younger sister born) he went into remission. After a while, he came out of remission and they opted to treat him holistically. Once again, he went into remission. He eventually came out of that remission too. Last August/September he ended up getting massive amounts of antibiotics that destroyed his gut. (For those that don't know, antibiotic use kills all the flora in the gut, even the good stuff...which is why we try so hard not to use antibiotics unless they are truly needed...and we only use them along with double doses of probiotics to help keep the good flora in the gut present...to prevent yeast infections and from killing the gut). He was on steroids for several months and that masked his symptoms.

All week I've been following his mom's blog more intently than usual because she made note that Samuel was at the end. They were no longer trying to save his life because his gut was dead...and you can't live without your gut. He ended up on enough medications of two pain meds to kill a grown man, and that was what it took to ease his pain so he could color and play with his brother and sisters.

His parents are Christians. The depth of his mother's love for the Lord is evident in her posts. The last day of her son's life she wrote about how much Samuel must love his family because he should have died many times over and continued to fight to be with them. She stated that if her son loves his family that much, how much more must God and Jesus love us? She wrote about how this is NOT God causing her son to be sick, but Satan attacking the world and us as Christians. She said that soon her son would be with God, and the cancer demons that have hurt him for most of her son's life would die along with her son's earthly body while her son danced in the presence of our Lord.

How strong is this woman? The depth of her love for the Lord and her son is inspiring.

Samuel went home to be with our Lord today. Early this morning.

My heart aches for Jen (his mother). I am a mother. I have a little boy who is only 6 weeks older than her son was when he was diagnosed with cancer. I look at my little boy, and see the life and joy in his eyes my heart breaks. Her little boy was filled with just as much joy and life and love. He was born at home, into the loving arms of his family, surrounded by his family, and he left his world the same way...in his parents' arms surrounded by his family. His siblings have learned a painful lesson about love and life. So as a mother, my heart breaks and aches for this mother and her pain.

But my heart rejoices for Samuel. He is where my heart and soul long to be: with our Lord and Savior. OH how I long for the day that I am with Christ! I pray for the sake of my children that the day I arrive in Heaven is many many years from now, but until then I still ache for it. Samuel feels no pain...no suffering. He feels pure joy and peace.

The Lord gives us children...and sometimes He takes them away. He brings people we love into our life, be it friends, family, or spouse...and He takes them away. And when those people know the Lord as their savior, the pain for missing them here on earth (especially when a precious life is ended at such a young tender age) is countered by the joy, peace, and hope that we will see them again, and that they are with God...with Jesus! We find God giving us Joy and Peace and enabling us to rejoice for those that have passed! We celebrate their life, and we celebrate their eternal life! Praise the LORD! He is with Jesus!

So please pray for my online friend and her family as they grieve the loss of a precious child, and have to help their children understand the loss as well. Please pray that this peace is brought down upon them in such a multitude that it is almost overwhelming. Please pray that they are able to find joy and rejoice in their son's blessing: being with his Savior. Please pray that they continue to turn to God as their rock and to help guide them through the pain to come.

Okay, so I failed...and for the umpteenth time today I am once again crying. I cry from sorrow, and I cry from joy.

BEWARE of Motherhood Maternity!

2008-05-06T23:13:00.002-04:00

So I was checking my bank act. today and noticed a $20 charge from Parenting Magazine. I don't like Parenting Magazine, I've never subscribed to it, and my DH doesn't either. I called him at work and asked him about the charge. He freaked out b/c a) it destroyed our very tenuous budget for the summer (we're $600 a month short for the summer, but will be fine again come August...it's just a summer thing) b) we never subscribed to this magazine!

So, I called the 800 number associated with the charge (thank you BOA for listing these numbers w/ the charges). They said they got my information from MOTHERHOOD! They asked if I'd recently been there and been asked if I want the two free issues. I said yes, I had and that I refused. I asked that they please cancel the subscription and please refund me the money. They said no problem, and the money will be back in a week (in the mean time, that's half a week's worth of gas that we're going to be short).

I then call Motherhood. After this crazy 3 min. long schpeel about how great their products are from some British recording, I get to the menu. You know, press 1 for ___________, press 2 for _______, etc. There wasn't any option for, "I'm pi$$ed off b/c you gave out my credit information" so I had to press "0" for the "general catch all I want to talk to a living breathing person."

Then, I get a message that all their reps are busy. No biggie, I'll hold for 2 hours if I have to to find out how in the HEDES they are legally able to give out MY PERSONAL FINANCIAL CREDIT INFORMATION. Nope. "Call back later" they say.

I found a number for Motherhood's corporate office and spoke w/ a person whose entire job is dealing w/ issues regarding the parenting magazine "promo" they have going on. How sad is it when they have an entire job dedicated to this??? Anyway, she is going to investigate to make sure that all the stores know if a person says no, it means no. She couldn't, however, answer my question: how is it legal for them to give out my information WITHOUT a signature from me? She did say that when you agree to the promo, if you don't cancel the subscription within the time frame (2 months) then they (Parenting) will charge you how ever you paid for your Motherhood purchase (if paid for w/ a debit or credit card, with cash you get a bill). So my question still stands: how can they give Parenting magazine my financial (debit card) information w/o my signature? I couldn't even get a real apology from the lady I talked to. She said she was sorry that protocol wasn't followed, but not that my financial information was given out w/o my permission.

For those that don't know, Motherhood is a maternity apparel store. I've never liked their return policies, so I shop there as little as possible, but their sales are really good and affordable if you're not wanting to spend hundreds of dollars on clothing you'll wear for 6-12 months. Also, my husband says that we did get the 2 free issues, but he didn't know about the little hitch on getting charged for them and thought they'd stop after the 2 months, or we'd get a bill and he'd just call and tell them thanks but no thanks. He doesn't know how wicked Motherhood can be, and just took over the finances in our home so is we've been in a bit of a "transitional" phase. Still, I never agreed to the two free issues so some employee messed up. But still...HOW can they sell/give out my debit card information????

I am still seething, hours later, and feel horribly violated. Some of my online forum buddies are encouraging me and DH to pursue a legal suit against the company if only to stop them from doing this to any other people. We're getting our $20 back, so I feel iffy in doing this...but they're right: this company is HUGE! The mother company oversees THREE of the biggest maternity apparel stores in the country...how many other people are being ripped off or having their FINANCIAL information sold?

It's scary.

No, it's terrifying.

God Is Working

2008-04-22T10:21:00.002-04:00

I've always said that as a Christian God is always working in my life. It's particularly neat to look back and see where His hand has been and to "see" how God has been working in your life.

Right now, though, God is working on my heart. He has been preparing my heart and my mind to become receptive to information regarding some major character flaws from those around me. This has been painful, but wonderful too. My only sadness is that I have pushed several friends away in the process.

I am a very out going person. Yes, those that know me will likely laugh at this statement because they know how true it is. I am also a passionate person. There's noting wrong with passion, but the way that I project this passion onto others IS a problem. I am a loving person who loves to share my passions with those around me. When I learn something new that I feel strongly about, I can't help but want to share this revelation with everyone I love! I want others to discover what I have discovered and to see and experience the thrill of my revelation. In short, I'm wanting to help people. This isn't wrong. However, I tend to beat the topic to death in an attempt to "win people" to my side. Rather than sharing what I've learned with my friends, I harp on the subject over and over and over until they don't want to be around me any more because they are so sick of hearing what I have to say. In short, I have a "go forth and conquer consequences be damned" mentality. This is NOT Christ-like behavior.

God has been helping me learn when to share what I think/feel with a person and when not to. When the time is right, and I drop the information for what ever topic is at hand, He has been helping me learn when to back off. This has been a HUGE revelation and is a work in progress.

The other aspect of my personality that makes this lesson so hard to learn is that when I do learn something new I turn to those I love to share the information. I HAVE to get it out, to share my excitement. I do not believe there's anything wrong with this...the line is crossed when conversation after conversation I continue to harp on the topic. Thank you to those who are patient enough to let me "get it out of my system".

I want to thank my husband for helping me to learn this about myself, as well as for putting up with me for all these years. I love him SO much! I'd also like to thank several of my friends for being loving enough to put up with me for so long, and to help me gently learn and accept that everyone is different, every family is different, and what I love and works for me may or may not work for everyone else. Thank you Kristin, Jen, and Becca. I love you girls SO much! Please continue to be patient with me as God continues to work in my heart and my life. Feel free to tell me if I'm "doing it again" in our conversations, and going beyond the simple "getting it out of my system." I love you all SO much and thank God regularly for all of you in my life.

Horse Love

2008-04-09T20:53:00.002-04:00

As many people already know, my precious little girl LOVES horses. She's been begging me to let her start riding for a very long time now (over a year, and she's been asking for a horse of her own since Christmas 2006, yes 2.5 years old! LOL). I've been calling around for a while as well, looking for a trainer and stable that would fit my requirements. They are:

1) Not a show barn - my preschool age daughter doesn't need to be in a place training her for shows...not yet anyway.

2) Teaches english riding (versus Western) - English requires much more balance and skill than western, so I want her to learn this first and then she can learn western down the road if she wants. Not likely, though, because she wants to jump.

3) Will teach ALL aspects of equine care, knowledge, etc. not just showing up, hopping on, and riding. I want her to learn all the parts of the horse, the colors, how to groom, tack up, cool down, bathe, muck stalls, etc. as she reaches appropriate ages. (No, I'm not expecting my 4 year old to muck out a stall and tack up her own pony, LOL).

4) Affordable

5) Within a 30 min. drive

Well, I think DH stumbled upon the barn for us today. He found an add for a lady, who also offers big discounts for homeschooling families, and when I called the lady was excited that I wanted to start Heather ate the age of 4, believes in teaching all aspects of horsemanship, and met every other qualification that I had! We're going tomorrow to meet her and see the stables and if I still feel good about it, we'll sign her up for her first private lesson. :o) I'm thinking 2 lessons a month would be plenty for her, and still not impact our finances.

I Don't Get It.

2008-04-06T19:22:00.006-04:00

I know I will step on a lot of toes by posting this, which is why I keep my mouth shut on this topic unless a) asked b) the mother/parent I am talking to is in a frame of mind to be receptive to this information and not take it as a personal attack. I NEVER mean the sharing of this information as an attack on anyone: personal or not. This is my rant, my vent. If you don't like what I have to say, then you may read another post or find another blog. It won't bother me any. This is MY place to rant.

I was prompted to write all this because I am pregnant, and as such posting on some pregnancy boards. I've finally had enough of sitting on my fingers and biting my cyber tongue, so I came to MY blog to get this all off of my chest.

<>< <>< <><

I don't claim to be perfect. In fact, I am far from it. I am a sinner just like every other human being walking the face of the earth today. I have nothing against formula. It was created to be a substitute to sustain a child who is unable to have her mother's milk (note: I will use the gender "her" so keep thing simple, but I am referring to infants of both genders). It was never intended to take the place of mother's milk simply "because." In fact, The World Health Organization (WHO) even states that the use of formula should be limited to a last resort. They recommend:

1) The mother's breast.
2) The mother's milk expressed for baby if the breast is not available or separated
3) If mother's milk is not available, the use of donated milk through milk banks
4) If no human milk is available, then use breast milk substitute.

(http://boycottnestle.blogspot.com/2007/08/industry-attack-philippines.html - about half way down the page is the quote from the WHO representative).

So, why is it then, when the rest of the world is calling formula "breast milk substitute" are educated women, women holding bachelors, masters, and doctoral degrees, making the conscious choice to not even attempt to breast feed? Why are they saying, "well, I know they say breast is best, but I just don't believe there's enough of a difference," or "Well, my other child(ren) was formula fed and s/he is healthy so I just don't believe there's that much of a difference."

Comments like these, especially coming from educated women, makes me want to bang my head into a wall. When I DO present the information on the truths, nay the HAZARDS of formula, they brush it off as "bias" and say that as an LC (Lactation Consultant) I am biased so I'm not a reliable person to get information from. *continue banging head into wall* Let me clear the air, and this common myths, not LIES, about LCs and formula.

I am a Lactation Consultant. I am educated in things that the average person AND DOCTORS do not know. EVERY SCRAP of information that I give out is evidence based, and when asked I will provide the person queering with the exact studies done by IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, what I am aspiring to be through my work towards my BA in Human Lactation) AND DOCTORS not just in the US, but AROUND THE WORLD!!! So, if I am pulling out study after study (and yes, I have hundreds of pages of studies listed in a book of resources that I consult) done by such a diverse group of people in so many countries, how am I biased or is my information bias? I will not list my personal opinion on a matter when representing myself as an LC unless asked, and never without stating that it is my opinion only, and not yet proven yay or nay through research. Saying that I am biased against formula is like saying that engineer is biased against a piece of equipment that has been proven to be less effective than another piece of equipment through studies and research that said engineer has had no part in.

Using formula to sustain and grow a baby IS A HAZARD!!! Why? I will begin my explanation using simple, more broad, arguments and then become more specific. So site tight if you want to know WHY formula is something to be used not at your own risk, but at the risk of your child.

1) Human babies were designed to be nourished by human milk. When any other baby mammal (such as a kitten, puppy, foal, or dolphin) is separated from it's birth mother, every attempt is made to place that baby with another lactating female of it's own species. Why is this done? Every mammal species makes milk for the very very specific requirements of it's own babies growth and needs.

A baby cow needs to grow very quickly, and needs to be able to run to flee danger. Thus, it's mother's milk is made up of components to enable a baby cow to grow as needed for it's life. It's mother's milk is: 3.7% fat to accommodate rapid growth, 3.4% protein to accommodate it's quick muscular development to flee from danger, 4.8% Lactose, and 0.7% Ash. It requires 47 days to double it's birth weight. (Lawrence, 2005).

A reindeer has needs much the same, but due to it's colder climates it needs to gain much more body fast much quicker and needs to be able to run much faster, much sooner. It's mother's milk is: 16.9% fat, 11.5% protein, 2.8% lactose, and zero ash. It takes 30 days to double it's birth weight. (Lawrence, 2005)

A baby human needs to put on weight to survive any illness it may encounter but rather it needs to develop mentally much more than it needs to develop physically. The components of breast milk are designed to encourage the rapid growth that a human brain undergoes. Our milk is: 3.8% fat, .09% protein, 7.0% lactose, .2% ash. It takes your baby 180 days to double it's 6-8lb birth weight. (Lawrence, 2005)

If you are interested in learning more about this check out the book "Breastfeeding: A Guide for the Medical Professional" by Lawrence and Lawrence (2005 edition). It has an entire chapter (lengthly chapter, complete with tables and graphs) dedicated just to the biochemical make up of human milk.

2) Formula does not contain living cells that help promote the physical and mental health and development for a baby. For instance, a single drop of breast milk has over 100,000 white blood cells in it. Human milk also contains living stem cells. These are things that formula can not simulate.

3) The intestinal wall of an infant contains villi, little finger like projections. These villi act as filters for the baby's blood stream. The catch the nutritional components of the baby's diet and pass it into the blood stream while passing the waist and allergens and bad aspects on to the intestines to be excreted as waste.

Formula strips away the Villi. This causes the intestinal wall to become porous and allow for allergens to pass into the baby's blood stream. This makes the baby susceptible to developing food allergies. This is especially bad for babies who come from families with a history of food allergies. It takes 6 weeks for these villi to grow back from a single bottle of formula that may be pushed upon the mother in the hospital by well meaning nurses ("But mom, your colostrum isn't enough right now. Your baby will become dehydrated if you don't give her formula." being the most common bit of misinformation given to new mothers by nurses in the hospital). Babies that are fed a diet of nothing but formula are not allowed to regrow the villi and leave their gut in a constant state of attack.

Additionally, the villi is what is involved in the passing the lactose into the blood stream. A human baby needs lots of lactose (high in sugar) to grow; more than any other mammal baby. If the Villi are gone, then pure fat is what is causing baby to grow. This causes extra fat stores in a baby, and what a formula fed baby is more likely to develop Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes than a breast fed baby.

4) Babies that come from families prone to diabetes are more likely to develop diabetes in life if fed infant formula instead of breast milk.

*** *** ***

Now, while I have listed all of the reasons why formula is dangerous to feed your baby, I want to clear something first. I recognize that formula is needed for some babies. Some mothers are "unable" to breast feed. However, I am going to go into a mom being "unable" to breast feed.

Most mothers who do not succeed in breast feeding their babies (I am reluctant to call it "failing" at breast feeding since this is not a test) do so because of any or all of the reasons below.

* They lack a support system - the people that surround a new mother need to be supportive of her choosing to breast feed. It is something that takes much dedication and is rarely accomplished if her husband, mom, mother-in-law, friends, etc. around her are not breast feeding or not supportive of breast feeding. Comments such as "Just give her one bottle, it won't hurt," do not help the situation any. Even worse is when a well meaning mother or mother-in-law tries to undermine the mother or convince the mother to give bottles because she (the mother/MIL) wants to help feed the baby too. When the support of, "Come on! You can do this! You are doing such a wonderful thing for you baby!" and "Come on, just one more feeding/day/week/month/etc. You can do this!" to help encourage mom to reach her mini goals. These are all wonderful things that help a new mother keep going.

* "My milk dried up." or "I didn't make enough milk" is a common argument. Being bombarded with samples of formula from formula companies. The cans for the "occasional" bottle to "give mom a break" are often times the beginning of the end. If mom replaces one feeding at the breast with a bottle of formula, it is telling her body to make one feeding less of milk. That's one feeding she physically won't be able to give her baby, which leads to another feeding from a bottle, then another and another, etc. until her milk has diminished to almost nothing. When combined with someone saying, "Well, you can't make enough milk for you baby," this can be in and of itself the beginning of the end.

* When baby has a problem, and mom is not being supported or seeking advice from a breastfeeding professional (such as a Lactation Consultant or La Leche League leader), or doubts and does not follow the advice of the professional given (or even is given misinformation by a well meaning "professional" such as, "oh, you have to use a nipple shield" being a VERY common one) then the breastfeeding relationship is in peril. Combine it with the free samples on hand, mom doubting herself, and/or the lack of a good support system and their relationship is over before it started.

These are the most common reasons why new moms end up formula feeding. These are all things that are very easily remedied. With the Internet in almost every home, all a mom has to do is goggle a query to find sound, evidence supported, information from sites such as kellymom.com and llli.org. It is disheartening as an LC to see moms not utilizing these free tools and caving to any of the above road blocks. It is frustrating to see a mom not listen to the LCs and La Leche League leaders around her and rather listen to the dated, often mis-information, given by their mothers.

These are the situations that frustrate me. Not the ones where a woman had a breast reduction and is unable to breast feed. Or the baby was given bottles in the NICU against mother's wishes, and will no longer accept the breast. Formula DOES have it's place. It's place is NOT on the shelves of every store, mailed to new mothers, passed out in diaper bags, and given away at baby showers.

Very little thrills me more then when a mother whose breastfeeding relationship was damaged with her first child comes to me or any other breastfeeding professional and goes on to breastfeed her next/future child(ren). To these mothers, I applaud and hug and cheer.

In short, I wish mothers would stop listening to the lies of the formula companies that "formula is just as good" when scientifically it's proven that it is NOT "just as good." When all the evidence proves that formula is not a good thing for every baby to be raised upon just because it's "there" acting as a rubber crutch to new mothers in a society that normalizes infant feeding with cans of formula, bottles, and artificial nipples. Why can't mothers just listen to their instincts!? Why can't more mothers stand up to these societal lies!?

If you got this far, thank you for reading the rants and raves of a hormonal, pregnant, tired, mother.

(Lawrence and Lawrence (2005). Breastfeding: A Guide for the Medical Professional. p. 107. Elsevier Mosby, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. )

The Things Kids Say...

2008-03-23T23:21:00.001-04:00

I was rearranging some stuff in my DD and DS room. (they share a room b/c DS sleeps better that way and DD LOVES it; they're 2 and 4). I pulled the crib mattress out from under my DDs bed, and set it on hers. I needed to move it to the office (soon to be nursery) so that I could put some under the bed storage boxes full of toys under her bed instead.

Well, she saw the mattress up there and asked why it was up there. Here's a dialogue of our conversation.

Me: "It's up there because we need to move it to the office. That's going to become the new baby's room, and the baby will need to sleep on that mattress."

DD: "But what is the other one going to sleep on?"

Me: "What other one?"

DD: "The other baby?"

Me: "What other baby?"

DD: "The other baby in your belly."

Me: "What other baby in my belly?"

DD: "The baby brother and the baby sister, mommy. There's two babies."

AGH!!!!! Can I scream and pull my hair out now? She's got me scared. My nephew was saying the same thing last week in OK when he saw me. Then, my mom tells me today that twins run in our family, there just haven't been any in 2 generations. GEE THANKS MOM!

*sigh* So now I'm going to beg my Dr. for an u/s on Tuesday to check for twins. It doesn't help that all my pregnancy dreams have involved more than one baby (and always boy/girl).

Rant: Health Insurance

2008-03-21T00:08:00.001-04:00

I'm SO upset right now. DH just got the new information for insurance for his job. It's highway robbery. No kidding. We are currently paying $500 a month JUST for him and myself. Our children, being half Native American, are covered through the state. If we were to add them we'd be paying $900 a month. My husband makes $15 an hour and we survive off of his income alone (+ his VA disability of $400 a month and his G.I. Bill paying our $1100 a month rent for a modular home in a REALLY low income part of town). We just got the new rates for insurance for the next year. The current rates are crippling us, but the coverage is good. Very good. So, we found out that we're going to have to go from paying $250 a pay check ($500 a month) for insurance to $412 a pay check, or $894 a month!!!!! HOLY GEEZ!!! DOUBLING our rates! The crappy part? Our ER visit co-pay will go from $100 a visit to $200 a visit, Drs visits will go from $10/$20 a visit to $15/$25 a visit. We go from paying flat rates for things like hospitalizations to paying a percentage!!!!! WHAT THE HECK! So, they're doubling our monthly premium and then upping our co-pays and such???? He'll go from bringing home $900 a pay check to $700 a pay check and we just can't afford that!!!

We can't afford it. There's no other way around it, we can't afford it. Our only option is to drop the insurance all together and have me go back on medicaid. I DON'T want to do that. We fall in the income bracket for it in our area, but GEEZ...I don't want to have other people paying for our planned pregnancy. A pregnancy that we could afford last month but can't afford next month.

We can drop our rate down, choose a cheaper plan, but then our costs go up so much more that we can't afford the care that way either. ARG! Why does his company HAVE to go with a company that is SO STINKING EXPENSIVE!!!! There are other companies out there, why do they have to go with THIS one????

I don't know what to do. I'm in tears right now. This is SO not fair!!!

Letting the Cat out of the Bag

2008-03-09T23:24:00.001-04:00

Baby #3 is coming November 2008!

Just for Jen

2008-02-26T16:42:00.001-05:00

I LOVE YOU GIRL!!!

The Breast Crawl

2008-02-20T01:48:00.001-05:00

I saw several videos of this while going through my lactation consultant training. When I found one on YouTube I just HAD to put it on here. It's amazing! God sure knew what he was doing. It's amazing how the baby's movements not only stimulate mother's milk but also her uterus to start clamping down to prevent hemorrhage. Once the baby is nursing, the oxytocin is released that further signals the uterus to clamp down. God is GREAT!

So Confused

2008-02-02T01:56:00.000-05:00

I am finding myself in a state of confusion right now. I just don't know where God is taking me as a person, me as a mother, me as a wife, or us as a family.

I am currently planning on going back to USF (U of South Florida) to finish my music degree. I love music, I love flute, and I can teach out of my home to help supplement my husband's income. This will allow me to stay home and home school our children as planned. I feel very strongly about this, and so does DH (at least he feels strongly about private school or home, no public school, and he supports my desire to home school 200%).

However, God has place two passions in my heart: classical music performance and babies (yes, to those that knew me in high school...ironic...I know). I have a dream.

I know what happened to Dr. King when he had a dream, but mine is different.

Mine is to play flute. In Symphonies. To make beautiful music. While playing gorgeous classical music I feel, in my heart of hearts and soul of souls that I am closer to God...this is my way of worshiping Him. I love God with every fibre of my being.

However, my other passion is to help mothers. New mothers. To help women to educate themselves during pregnancy, but mostly to help them after their baby is born. I love to help mothers and babies learn how to breastfeed. I love supporting mothers and helping them through the hard spots, as well as supporting them in every breastfeeding decision they make. period. Even if it's to wean at 6 weeks. I love making mom feel supported (even if her decision isn't the one that I make, I love helping her feel supported regardless). I love helping mothers wear their babies, of seeing the relief and sheer unadulterated joy in their eyes as they swaddle their babies close to their hearts and their baby, who has been crying for weeks without ceasing, quiets down and sleeps safe and secure upon his mother's chest, cradled in the carrier of her choice and swaddled in her sheer, deep love. A love that comes closest to the Love that Christ has for us.

I have a chance to become a postpartum doula. I have clicked with the instructor (who also happens to be a high ranking member of DONA), she has set up payment arrangements that will make this happen financially, and I know that it would continue to push me down the path that I already love: my ministry to mothers, namely young mothers (young as mothers, not necisarily by age...but that may be the case too). I feel that this is the ministry that God has for me. But I would need someone to accompany me from Tampa to Miami over Valentine's Day to watch my own childen while I am in class. I would need to gather up the money for food and gas and a hotel room. And, I would need to kidnap my dear friend who lives down that way for an afternoon so that we may catch up either on my trip down or back (Yes, Guenavere, I mean YOU! *hugs*).

However, I also want more children. I want to keep them close, and if we were to have another girl I wouldn't want to space them out much further than they would be now so that Heather and her potential little sister could be close enough in age to be playmates and build the fond memories of sisterhood that I never was able to build with my own 3 sisters.

So, I am confused. I am praying for God to reveal himself and His will to me, but I am uncertain how to read the Bible in searching for His guidance. Can anyone suggest something to me in this area?

So, that is my life right now in a nut shell. I am confused.

Oh well, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow is the Florida Flute Fair (err...today) and I am going...with Little Dude in tow...to attempt to sit through some master classes and test some flutes. Thank you all for taking the time to read my frustrated ramblings.

NEW BABY!!!!

2008-02-02T01:53:00.000-05:00

One of my true BFFs just told me today that after 6 months of trying to conceive, they are PREGNANT! Baby L #2 is on the way due in October!!! YAY!!

I'm under orders of the new mommy-to-be to NOT get pregnant in the next few months so that I won't be on bed rest when she's due and can come and help her through bed rest, labor, postpartum, and breastfeeding. YAY!!!! I am SO excited! DH and I just love this couple, and we are over the moon for them.

Oh, and when her husband, a current SAHD, goes back to work, then depending on what's going on in my life they'd like me to consider watching their kids for them. YAY! A wee babe to wrap (even if it's not my own)!!! Oh yea, and the $ would be a help. LOL

So, to Jack and Jill...CONGRATS ON THE BELLY BEAN!!!

Pray for Baby Samuel

2008-01-15T15:31:00.000-05:00

Some friends and I have started a new campaign.

It's not a presidential election campaign.

It's not a senatorial electoral campaign.

It's a campaign seeking prayer.

Prayer for a boy.

A little boy.

A 4 month old boy.

Baby Samuel.

Baby Samuel was diagnosed with retinoblastoma. That is, he has cancer in his eyes. Yes, eyes. plural. It started in his left eye, and is very obvious now that we know he has it (and had we known about RB we would have known), but has started spreading to his right eye. He's looking at loosing his left eye. The optical nerves of his right eye are intact and he still has vision there. So far, it's not spread beyond his eyes. They think they caught it early enough. But it could still spread to his brain. His mama is a friend of mine, whom I drove from FL to VA to help with breastfeeding back in September. This little guy has had a hard life medically since birth...and it's just getting harder.

We (his mama and I) know that God does all things for a reason. He has a reason for this, and Samuel's mama prays that God uses this to bring Samuel to Him as a strong man and that he uses Samuel to his Glory. Please join us in the complete healing of Baby Samuel. Not just for healing, but preservation of both eyes and restoration of his sight. We know that God can do all things, and that all things work to His glory, but we ask that God spares this little boy's eyes and sight...in addition to his life. Thank you.

To read more about Baby Samuel go here: http://www.myspace.com/prayforsamuel

Final Blog of 2007

2007-12-31T23:06:00.000-05:00

Well, the year is about to wrap up. It has been one of the best years, and one filled with much growing.

I think every year is filled with both growing and learning experiences. God takes each and every day to teach us what He wants us to know, and to bring us closer to him. As you look over the past year, you can sometimes see what He's been teaching you...and what He's been doing.

In the past year:
My son has turned 1
My daughter has learned to use the potty
My daughter has decided that she MUST use each and every public (and some not-so-public ones) that we pass while we are on outings.
My husband and I have managed to make our marriage even stronger.
We suffered the very first loss of a child: the loss of an unborn baby.
I finally received the diagnosis as to the cause of the horrid hives that have been plaguing me for years.

I want to thank you all for sharing this year with me. I pray that God blesses each and every one of us in the year to come, and that He blesses us with His love and a peace that we find only through Him.

God Bless and Happy New Year!

Perfect Mothers

2007-12-26T13:56:00.000-05:00

There's one thing I have learned from spending time around my loving, if not frustrating, family is that there is this: there are no perfect mothers, and every one is a perfect mother.

It takes all kinds of mothers to mother all kinds of children. Be the kind of mother you are!

That is, there isn't one set of rules to be a perfect mother. Ever child is different, every family is different (even among grown children becoming parents, their family is different than the one they grew up in), and every mother is different.

I got badgered all weekend long, my blouse wasn't nice enough, my son's hair is too long (even though we're growing it out since he IS half Native American), my son is too whiny, if I do "A, B, or C" then "X, Y, and Z" will happen (and X, Y, and Z are not "good" things). Rant after complaint and it drove me NUTS!

I apprecaite well meaning advice. The Good Lord knows I give out enough. But I take all advice with an open mind, an open heart, a grain of salt in some places, and with the spirit it is given: trying to help. I have learned SO MUCH from other mothers through their well meaning advice, most of it regarding what kind of mother I want to be, and how to make decisions that I feel is best for my family (such as how chiropractors and medical professionals are now saying babies shouldn't be in hard soled shoes until they are closer to 2 or 3). You would not BELIEVE the flack and nasty comments I get from people IN MY FAMILY as well as IN MY CHURCH regarding my son's footwear! HOLY SMOKES people! They are SHOES! I feel that they are best for him, I have seen him stumble around more in hard soled shoes and thus HIS FATHER and I TOGETHER made the decision to keep him in soft soled shoes! If I disclosed his shoe size I'm sure he'd have been bombarded with SHOES for Christmas!

I am still breastfeeding. There. It's in the open. Why am I? IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! But, breastilk IS still better than cow's milk in a child...especially a child that is, um, ALLERGIC to cow's milk! "So give him soy milk, or rice milk," they say. WHY???? Why give him a product that isn't anywhere CLOSE to being as good for him as what I am giving him? Why put him through that emotional trauma of being forced to wean? He wants to, I want to...so we are. You don't like it? TOO FRACKEN BAD! MY CHILD, MY BOOBS, MY CHOICE!!!

So, if people could only see how every mother is different, every child is different, and every family is different and STOP GIVING MOTHERS FLACK! You want to give your advice? SURE! I'll continue to take it with an open heart and an open mind...and continue to learn about the kind of mother I want to be (and may NOT want to be). If I don't want your advice, I'll tell you...and I'd hope that others would do the same for me.

So, to all my friends who are mothers: YOU ARE AWESOME MAMAS!!! You all make the best decisions you can for your children. While I may feel that breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, and attachment parenting are the bottom line best, they are not right for every family. I understand this and it doesn't bother me in the least if you don't do these things.

So to those that don't do these things STOP GIVING ME A HARD TIME FOR DOING THEM! Go tend to your children (regardless of their ages) and let me tend to mine.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, a picture that captures the wonder of a child at Christmas.

Twas the Day AFTER Christmas...

2007-12-26T13:44:00.000-05:00

and all through the house,
gifts are unwrapped,
and tossed gayly aside.

Boxes are opened,
the playroom a mess
and waiting for wee ones
to clean up said mess!

"MOMMY!" they whine,
"Can't we please,
just play with this one
just one time?"

I tell them no,
that the mess they must clean
and what do I get
but irritating whining!!!!

I threaten to toss
the old toys away
and to return
the new ones on day

They whine and they beg
but they clean up their best
and after all
that is all that I ask!

No one to be
a perfect child
I only ask
that the be not so WILD!!!

<>< <>< <><

So, can you tell that it's been crazy around here?

I had to bake 10 loaves of pumpkin bread, make 2 batches of homemade hot chocolate powder, package into jars (and decorate said jars), make 2 batches of cookies (and package them), and decorate 10 wicker baskets, sign cards, etc...all on Christmas Eve. We didn't get home until 11pm that night and I passed out while feeding the baby. Christmas morning wasn't any less wild. I insisted that we clean up the family room before we begin opening gifts so that we wouldn't loose anything. It worked, no lost toy parts. But we now have to go through the playroom and clean it up and make room for all the new toys and finish weeding out the ones to go to Goodwill.

All in all, though, it was a nice day. Sweet Pea was excited to be celebrating "Baby Jesus' Birthday" and kept asking when we were going to go to Baby Jesus Birthday Party, and asking what dresses she could wear to said party. I told her we would be going to Grandma and Abba's to have a special Christmas Day Dinner. That seemed to help ease her sadness over Baby Jesus not getting a party. At Grandma and Abba's they (that is, Sweet Pea and Little Dude) found they had a bike, trike, red wagon, and train table (to go w/ the train set opened a few hours before) waiting for them. We ended the day by taking the kids to the Drive In to see "Enchanted." It was a cute movie, but the kids were SOOOOOOO tired! They were both asleep before we got back onto the interstate.

So, how was YOUR Christmas?

The Bloodwork is In...

2007-12-20T17:40:00.000-05:00

After the sever outbreak of hives I had in August, my allergist diagnosed me as having chronic hive (aka, Chronic Uritcaria or UC), told me to finish up the prednisone, and started
me on 5 antihistamines. He sent me in for blood work. Most of it was back at my last apt. but not all of it. He said my thyroid was fine, and my glucose levels were beautiful. We were waiting on the results of the testing to see if the cause was genetic or autoimmune.
My dad is adopted so we don't know anything about his history.

The results are in: my allergy levels were perfect, showing no real allergic reaction to anything. The autoimmune levels were high. Really high. I believe she put it as through the roof? I see my
allergist after the 1st of the year (no openings due to Christmas) and he will go over everything with me more.

I discovered the hives.com web page after getting the CU diagnosis. I
read the symptoms of auto immune and it lined up. So this isn't a big
surprise to me. Looking back, I've always thought I was allergic to
menstrual pads as I always break out in horrible hives during that
time. I guess it wasn't that.

So this is what I'm facing for the rest of my life. I get to start a regime of strong meds, I'll never be able to get private medical insurance to cover this part of my health (pre-existing condition), and we can't drop the $500 a month insurance we have right now w/ DH's work b/c I HAVE to have medical coverage for it all. The good news: during pregnancy the hives tend to go away. I am NOT going to be getting pregnant just to make the hives go bye-bye though. LOL

Christmas to Carseats

2007-12-20T15:56:00.000-05:00

My local mom's group had our annual Christmas Party today (and shockingly enough, we called it a Christmas party...the muslim/jewish/athiest/agnostic members didn't care! LOL). As we usually do when we are together we got to talking about safety, and since we all do things out of the norm, we got to talking about extended rear facing in carseats. The conversation was started by someone saying, "Hey! Did any of you see the special CBS 10 did on car seat safety last month?" It went from there. LOL

Anyway, we got to talking about extended rear facing...since most of us practice this...and thus to the famous video on YouTube that shows pictures of toddlers rear facing, as well as footage from test crashes with carseats both rear and forward facing. I told them I have this video on my MySpace page, and decided to post it here as well for those that don't have a MS act to be able to view it (since my MS page is set to private: no seeing anything unless you are a friend).

So, here it is!

I probably won't keep it up long since YouTube videos start automatically...and that would get REALLY annoying after a while. LOL But, for those that asked to see it, here it is!

And, for your viewing pleasure, here are pics taken earlier this year w/ both kids rear facing. Heather at 3 and William at 1.

(to the friend that called and asked about turning her child forward or remaining rear, this is not geared towards you...it is in answer to a discussion I had earlier today w/ my mom's group. *hugs*)

Logan, Sky Angel

2007-12-11T17:22:00.000-05:00

An online friend shared this with me, and I wanted to share it with y'all. It's SO touching. You might want to have a tissue in hand. This child is wise beyond his years.

Merry Tossmas

2007-12-06T20:40:00.000-05:00

http://www.citizenlink.org/Stoplight/A000005834.cfm?eafref=1

I got this from another blogging friend of mine, Guinevere. She rocks and this link does too! Check it out!

I've Got a SECRET!!

2007-12-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

But I'm not telling...yet that is.

Back to you're regularly scheduled nothingness. LOL

Text Messages...

2007-12-05T00:44:00.000-05:00

...are evil. Sure, they allow people to have conversations without having to make phone calls...a plus in the corporate environment, but they also cost money. A lot of money. As my poor husband just discovered.

We use T-Mobile for our cellular service. We've been very happy with it. There's this really cool feature where you can dial #646#talk and a little screen will pop up telling you how many minutes you've used this billing cycle. It's VERY nice to make sure we don't go over. You can do the same thing for text messages, only dial #674#talk. My poor husband hasn't figured this out yet...or else he forgot.

I just got off the phone with customer service finidng out WHY we have an almost $300 cell phone bill. Some charges I'd forgotten about and was fine with. But they were small. I did find out my husband went over his monthly text "allowence" of 400 texts. By a lot.

A whole lot.

A REALLY whole lot.

He went 750 message OVER his 400.

At $0.10 a text.

He went over $75!!!!!! I about had heart failure.

...

...

...

and it gets BETTER!!!!

...

...

...

He went over THIS month too! That was just OCTOBER! He was already over THIS month to the tune of $50!!!!

...

...

...

...

The customer service rep was AWESOME and she got his plan bumped up and backdated so we won't get hit hard as well on this next bill. DH has to curb his texting...by a LOT!

SORRY!

2007-11-10T22:56:00.000-05:00

Wow, things have been crazy around here. Where to start...

Well, after the miscarriage, I've just been out of sorts. Then, in September a very dear friend of mine gave birth to a son at 23 weeks 6 days. He only lived 15 hours, so that was hard. My heart broke for her, and it brought back all the pain of my miscarriage.

Oh, and right after my last post? I broke out in hives! I have been covered in hives for almost 3 months now! I drove up to VA on Sept. 1 to help a friend out with some breastfeeding problems. I got the next day, Sept. 2, I ended up in the ER up there because my eyes were swollen shut and my lip had swelled up to 5 x's it's normal size! UGH! I was put on 40 mg. of prednisone that my dr. here at home continued for 6 weeks! I ended up putting on all that weight I got off on weight watchers. *sigh*

So, for the past 3 months I have been dealing with a condition called Chronic Hives (www.chronichives.com) and I will probably deal with flare ups off and on the rest of my life. *sigh* I've been on 5 meds to control them, and have been living in a drug induced haze, functioning enough to care for my kids and get my homework done.

So, life has been chaotic! LOL

Good news to report:
Little Dude is now sleeping in his own crib! We've been waiting for this day, but not pushing it. We'd try to move him into his crib, but it wouldn't go well so we'd stop trying and wait some more. Now he's ready. I put him in his crib on Tuesday, and he started to protest. He cried for a few min. and I kept trying to comfort him, but he wouldn't calm down. Finally I very firmly told him to stop it, to lay down, be quiet, and go to sleep. That he is a big boy and needs to go to sleep. He didn't make another peep! He went right to sleep. The next day I added a crib toy to the side of his crib that he's been playing w/ outside of the crib. He started to protest, I did the same thing as the previous night only adding that he could play with his toy. It worked! He is now laying right down w/o making a noise and going right to sleep!

YAY for perseverance and listening to my boy! He is now ready. He's so ready, that last night he fell asleep in my bed nursing so I left him there. He woke up when Sweet Pea started throwing a fit and woke him up. Little Dude wouldn't go back to sleep, he wouldn't nurse, he kept crying and kicking and pushing me away. So, I put him in his crib and he rolled over and went right to sleep! LOL Tonight, not a whimper. He went right down.

I am so proud of my little man, but I'm also sad. My baby is growing up too fast. *sob*

Little Dude and Sweet Pea were doctors for Halloween. They were SO cute, but I haven't gotten pictures from my friend yet (Jack and Jill took pictures for me). I'll post them when I get them.
That's about it! I'll try and post more often now.

Children's Church

2007-08-20T15:15:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was our church's "promotion" day. That is, children promote up to the next grade/age level of class. Sweet Pea moved from the nursery to Children's Church! It was a big step for her, but an even bigger one for Mommy. With Little Dude in arms, I chocked back tears as I took her to her class. She was SO proud! I thought she'd be timid but her friend Florida was in there so she ran in after her giggling. A true girl. LOL I sent DH a text message to let him know where she was and he got all misty over it. When class was over, she cam out with a painting she'd done in one hand, and a fist full of candy in the other.

So, all in all, it was a good day. Once again, I missed the sermon because Little Dude was hysterical in the nursery, and wouldn't sit still in the service. I know this will pass. Heather was this way and around her 2nd birthday she started getting easier.

Okay, off to brush my "big girl's" hair. :o)

Buh-Bye

2007-08-02T21:31:00.000-04:00

Little Dude loves to go "buh-bye." He does this little variation on the Miss America wave, and runs to the door as fast as his chubby little 16 month old legs will carry him when he is asked if he wants to go "buh-bye." He loves to go "buh-bye" and love to shop even more.

I asked him a couple of days back if he wanted to go "buh-bye" and he added something to the routine. I'd just emptied my purse to put everything into the diaper bag (no need to haul around 2 bags) so he grabbed my purse for me.

Hair

2007-08-02T18:52:00.000-04:00

Yup. I have nasty hair. Sure, it's BEAUTIFUL when it's long, and flowing. My dad and husband both love it. But I have to brush it every 5 min. to keep it LOOKING that way. It's thin. VERY thin. It's fine. VERY fine. And as I've learned:

thin + fine = easily tangled hair.

THIS is what I am talking about.

The sad part is, I was on the phone when DH took this picture. It took a couple of attempts because he as laughing so hard. Less than an hour later it was chopped off. LOL

So, for your viewing pleasure, the photojournal of my hair cut.

* * *

Here is my hair before it was cut. Please take note that it was still wet when these pictures were taken.

Hack hack...

The ponytail that was cut off. This was the longest piece, but about 15" total was taken off.

The final product.

At the end of the day, I am VERY happy with the hair cut. I've wanted to do this for 2 years, and I while it's still about 1/2" longer than I'd like, I love it!

Baby No More

2007-07-27T09:46:00.001-04:00

Well, we found out on Wed. morning that we lost our little bean. I had a miscarriage. Thank you to everyone who has supported us.