Just for Jen

I LOVE YOU GIRL!!!

The Breast Crawl

I saw several videos of this while going through my lactation consultant training. When I found one on YouTube I just HAD to put it on here. It's amazing! God sure knew what he was doing. It's amazing how the baby's movements not only stimulate mother's milk but also her uterus to start clamping down to prevent hemorrhage. Once the baby is nursing, the oxytocin is released that further signals the uterus to clamp down. God is GREAT!

So Confused

I am finding myself in a state of confusion right now. I just don't know where God is taking me as a person, me as a mother, me as a wife, or us as a family.

I am currently planning on going back to USF (U of South Florida) to finish my music degree. I love music, I love flute, and I can teach out of my home to help supplement my husband's income. This will allow me to stay home and home school our children as planned. I feel very strongly about this, and so does DH (at least he feels strongly about private school or home, no public school, and he supports my desire to home school 200%).

However, God has place two passions in my heart: classical music performance and babies (yes, to those that knew me in high school...ironic...I know). I have a dream.

I know what happened to Dr. King when he had a dream, but mine is different.

Mine is to play flute. In Symphonies. To make beautiful music. While playing gorgeous classical music I feel, in my heart of hearts and soul of souls that I am closer to God...this is my way of worshiping Him. I love God with every fibre of my being.

However, my other passion is to help mothers. New mothers. To help women to educate themselves during pregnancy, but mostly to help them after their baby is born. I love to help mothers and babies learn how to breastfeed. I love supporting mothers and helping them through the hard spots, as well as supporting them in every breastfeeding decision they make. period. Even if it's to wean at 6 weeks. I love making mom feel supported (even if her decision isn't the one that I make, I love helping her feel supported regardless). I love helping mothers wear their babies, of seeing the relief and sheer unadulterated joy in their eyes as they swaddle their babies close to their hearts and their baby, who has been crying for weeks without ceasing, quiets down and sleeps safe and secure upon his mother's chest, cradled in the carrier of her choice and swaddled in her sheer, deep love. A love that comes closest to the Love that Christ has for us.

I have a chance to become a postpartum doula. I have clicked with the instructor (who also happens to be a high ranking member of DONA), she has set up payment arrangements that will make this happen financially, and I know that it would continue to push me down the path that I already love: my ministry to mothers, namely young mothers (young as mothers, not necisarily by age...but that may be the case too). I feel that this is the ministry that God has for me. But I would need someone to accompany me from Tampa to Miami over Valentine's Day to watch my own childen while I am in class. I would need to gather up the money for food and gas and a hotel room. And, I would need to kidnap my dear friend who lives down that way for an afternoon so that we may catch up either on my trip down or back (Yes, Guenavere, I mean YOU! *hugs*).

However, I also want more children. I want to keep them close, and if we were to have another girl I wouldn't want to space them out much further than they would be now so that Heather and her potential little sister could be close enough in age to be playmates and build the fond memories of sisterhood that I never was able to build with my own 3 sisters.

So, I am confused. I am praying for God to reveal himself and His will to me, but I am uncertain how to read the Bible in searching for His guidance. Can anyone suggest something to me in this area?

So, that is my life right now in a nut shell. I am confused.

Oh well, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow is the Florida Flute Fair (err...today) and I am going...with Little Dude in tow...to attempt to sit through some master classes and test some flutes. Thank you all for taking the time to read my frustrated ramblings.

NEW BABY!!!!

One of my true BFFs just told me today that after 6 months of trying to conceive, they are PREGNANT! Baby L #2 is on the way due in October!!! YAY!!

I'm under orders of the new mommy-to-be to NOT get pregnant in the next few months so that I won't be on bed rest when she's due and can come and help her through bed rest, labor, postpartum, and breastfeeding. YAY!!!! I am SO excited! DH and I just love this couple, and we are over the moon for them.

Oh, and when her husband, a current SAHD, goes back to work, then depending on what's going on in my life they'd like me to consider watching their kids for them. YAY! A wee babe to wrap (even if it's not my own)!!! Oh yea, and the $ would be a help. LOL

So, to Jack and Jill...CONGRATS ON THE BELLY BEAN!!!

Pray for Baby Samuel

Some friends and I have started a new campaign.

It's not a presidential election campaign.

It's not a senatorial electoral campaign.

It's a campaign seeking prayer.

Prayer for a boy.

A little boy.

A 4 month old boy.

Baby Samuel.

Baby Samuel was diagnosed with retinoblastoma. That is, he has cancer in his eyes. Yes, eyes. plural. It started in his left eye, and is very obvious now that we know he has it (and had we known about RB we would have known), but has started spreading to his right eye. He's looking at loosing his left eye. The optical nerves of his right eye are intact and he still has vision there. So far, it's not spread beyond his eyes. They think they caught it early enough. But it could still spread to his brain. His mama is a friend of mine, whom I drove from FL to VA to help with breastfeeding back in September. This little guy has had a hard life medically since birth...and it's just getting harder.

We (his mama and I) know that God does all things for a reason. He has a reason for this, and Samuel's mama prays that God uses this to bring Samuel to Him as a strong man and that he uses Samuel to his Glory. Please join us in the complete healing of Baby Samuel. Not just for healing, but preservation of both eyes and restoration of his sight. We know that God can do all things, and that all things work to His glory, but we ask that God spares this little boy's eyes and sight...in addition to his life. Thank you.

To read more about Baby Samuel go here: http://www.myspace.com/prayforsamuel

Final Blog of 2007

Well, the year is about to wrap up. It has been one of the best years, and one filled with much growing.

I think every year is filled with both growing and learning experiences. God takes each and every day to teach us what He wants us to know, and to bring us closer to him. As you look over the past year, you can sometimes see what He's been teaching you...and what He's been doing.

In the past year:
My son has turned 1
My daughter has learned to use the potty
My daughter has decided that she MUST use each and every public (and some not-so-public ones) that we pass while we are on outings.
My husband and I have managed to make our marriage even stronger.
We suffered the very first loss of a child: the loss of an unborn baby.
I finally received the diagnosis as to the cause of the horrid hives that have been plaguing me for years.

I want to thank you all for sharing this year with me. I pray that God blesses each and every one of us in the year to come, and that He blesses us with His love and a peace that we find only through Him.

God Bless and Happy New Year!

Perfect Mothers

There's one thing I have learned from spending time around my loving, if not frustrating, family is that there is this: there are no perfect mothers, and every one is a perfect mother.

It takes all kinds of mothers to mother all kinds of children. Be the kind of mother you are!

That is, there isn't one set of rules to be a perfect mother. Ever child is different, every family is different (even among grown children becoming parents, their family is different than the one they grew up in), and every mother is different.

I got badgered all weekend long, my blouse wasn't nice enough, my son's hair is too long (even though we're growing it out since he IS half Native American), my son is too whiny, if I do "A, B, or C" then "X, Y, and Z" will happen (and X, Y, and Z are not "good" things). Rant after complaint and it drove me NUTS!

I apprecaite well meaning advice. The Good Lord knows I give out enough. But I take all advice with an open mind, an open heart, a grain of salt in some places, and with the spirit it is given: trying to help. I have learned SO MUCH from other mothers through their well meaning advice, most of it regarding what kind of mother I want to be, and how to make decisions that I feel is best for my family (such as how chiropractors and medical professionals are now saying babies shouldn't be in hard soled shoes until they are closer to 2 or 3). You would not BELIEVE the flack and nasty comments I get from people IN MY FAMILY as well as IN MY CHURCH regarding my son's footwear! HOLY SMOKES people! They are SHOES! I feel that they are best for him, I have seen him stumble around more in hard soled shoes and thus HIS FATHER and I TOGETHER made the decision to keep him in soft soled shoes! If I disclosed his shoe size I'm sure he'd have been bombarded with SHOES for Christmas!

I am still breastfeeding. There. It's in the open. Why am I? IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! But, breastilk IS still better than cow's milk in a child...especially a child that is, um, ALLERGIC to cow's milk! "So give him soy milk, or rice milk," they say. WHY???? Why give him a product that isn't anywhere CLOSE to being as good for him as what I am giving him? Why put him through that emotional trauma of being forced to wean? He wants to, I want to...so we are. You don't like it? TOO FRACKEN BAD! MY CHILD, MY BOOBS, MY CHOICE!!!

So, if people could only see how every mother is different, every child is different, and every family is different and STOP GIVING MOTHERS FLACK! You want to give your advice? SURE! I'll continue to take it with an open heart and an open mind...and continue to learn about the kind of mother I want to be (and may NOT want to be). If I don't want your advice, I'll tell you...and I'd hope that others would do the same for me.

So, to all my friends who are mothers: YOU ARE AWESOME MAMAS!!! You all make the best decisions you can for your children. While I may feel that breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, and attachment parenting are the bottom line best, they are not right for every family. I understand this and it doesn't bother me in the least if you don't do these things.

So to those that don't do these things STOP GIVING ME A HARD TIME FOR DOING THEM! Go tend to your children (regardless of their ages) and let me tend to mine.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, a picture that captures the wonder of a child at Christmas.

Twas the Day AFTER Christmas...

and all through the house,
gifts are unwrapped,
and tossed gayly aside.

Boxes are opened,
the playroom a mess
and waiting for wee ones
to clean up said mess!

"MOMMY!" they whine,
"Can't we please,
just play with this one
just one time?"

I tell them no,
that the mess they must clean
and what do I get
but irritating whining!!!!

I threaten to toss
the old toys away
and to return
the new ones on day

They whine and they beg
but they clean up their best
and after all
that is all that I ask!

No one to be
a perfect child
I only ask
that the be not so WILD!!!

<>< <>< <><

So, can you tell that it's been crazy around here?

I had to bake 10 loaves of pumpkin bread, make 2 batches of homemade hot chocolate powder, package into jars (and decorate said jars), make 2 batches of cookies (and package them), and decorate 10 wicker baskets, sign cards, etc...all on Christmas Eve. We didn't get home until 11pm that night and I passed out while feeding the baby. Christmas morning wasn't any less wild. I insisted that we clean up the family room before we begin opening gifts so that we wouldn't loose anything. It worked, no lost toy parts. But we now have to go through the playroom and clean it up and make room for all the new toys and finish weeding out the ones to go to Goodwill.

All in all, though, it was a nice day. Sweet Pea was excited to be celebrating "Baby Jesus' Birthday" and kept asking when we were going to go to Baby Jesus Birthday Party, and asking what dresses she could wear to said party. I told her we would be going to Grandma and Abba's to have a special Christmas Day Dinner. That seemed to help ease her sadness over Baby Jesus not getting a party. At Grandma and Abba's they (that is, Sweet Pea and Little Dude) found they had a bike, trike, red wagon, and train table (to go w/ the train set opened a few hours before) waiting for them. We ended the day by taking the kids to the Drive In to see "Enchanted." It was a cute movie, but the kids were SOOOOOOO tired! They were both asleep before we got back onto the interstate.

So, how was YOUR Christmas?

The Bloodwork is In...

After the sever outbreak of hives I had in August, my allergist diagnosed me as having chronic hive (aka, Chronic Uritcaria or UC), told me to finish up the prednisone, and started
me on 5 antihistamines. He sent me in for blood work. Most of it was back at my last apt. but not all of it. He said my thyroid was fine, and my glucose levels were beautiful. We were waiting on the results of the testing to see if the cause was genetic or autoimmune.
My dad is adopted so we don't know anything about his history.

The results are in: my allergy levels were perfect, showing no real allergic reaction to anything. The autoimmune levels were high. Really high. I believe she put it as through the roof? I see my
allergist after the 1st of the year (no openings due to Christmas) and he will go over everything with me more.

I discovered the hives.com web page after getting the CU diagnosis. I
read the symptoms of auto immune and it lined up. So this isn't a big
surprise to me. Looking back, I've always thought I was allergic to
menstrual pads as I always break out in horrible hives during that
time. I guess it wasn't that.

So this is what I'm facing for the rest of my life. I get to start a regime of strong meds, I'll never be able to get private medical insurance to cover this part of my health (pre-existing condition), and we can't drop the $500 a month insurance we have right now w/ DH's work b/c I HAVE to have medical coverage for it all. The good news: during pregnancy the hives tend to go away. I am NOT going to be getting pregnant just to make the hives go bye-bye though. LOL

Christmas to Carseats

My local mom's group had our annual Christmas Party today (and shockingly enough, we called it a Christmas party...the muslim/jewish/athiest/agnostic members didn't care! LOL). As we usually do when we are together we got to talking about safety, and since we all do things out of the norm, we got to talking about extended rear facing in carseats. The conversation was started by someone saying, "Hey! Did any of you see the special CBS 10 did on car seat safety last month?" It went from there. LOL

Anyway, we got to talking about extended rear facing...since most of us practice this...and thus to the famous video on YouTube that shows pictures of toddlers rear facing, as well as footage from test crashes with carseats both rear and forward facing. I told them I have this video on my MySpace page, and decided to post it here as well for those that don't have a MS act to be able to view it (since my MS page is set to private: no seeing anything unless you are a friend).

So, here it is!



I probably won't keep it up long since YouTube videos start automatically...and that would get REALLY annoying after a while. LOL But, for those that asked to see it, here it is!

And, for your viewing pleasure, here are pics taken earlier this year w/ both kids rear facing. Heather at 3 and William at 1.



(to the friend that called and asked about turning her child forward or remaining rear, this is not geared towards you...it is in answer to a discussion I had earlier today w/ my mom's group. *hugs*)

Logan, Sky Angel

An online friend shared this with me, and I wanted to share it with y'all. It's SO touching. You might want to have a tissue in hand. This child is wise beyond his years.

Merry Tossmas

http://www.citizenlink.org/Stoplight/A000005834.cfm?eafref=1

I got this from another blogging friend of mine, Guinevere. She rocks and this link does too! Check it out!

I've Got a SECRET!!

But I'm not telling...yet that is.

Back to you're regularly scheduled nothingness. LOL

Text Messages...

...are evil. Sure, they allow people to have conversations without having to make phone calls...a plus in the corporate environment, but they also cost money. A lot of money. As my poor husband just discovered.

We use T-Mobile for our cellular service. We've been very happy with it. There's this really cool feature where you can dial #646#talk and a little screen will pop up telling you how many minutes you've used this billing cycle. It's VERY nice to make sure we don't go over. You can do the same thing for text messages, only dial #674#talk. My poor husband hasn't figured this out yet...or else he forgot.

I just got off the phone with customer service finidng out WHY we have an almost $300 cell phone bill. Some charges I'd forgotten about and was fine with. But they were small. I did find out my husband went over his monthly text "allowence" of 400 texts. By a lot.

A whole lot.

A REALLY whole lot.

He went 750 message OVER his 400.

At $0.10 a text.

He went over $75!!!!!! I about had heart failure.

...


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and it gets BETTER!!!!


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He went over THIS month too! That was just OCTOBER! He was already over THIS month to the tune of $50!!!!

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The customer service rep was AWESOME and she got his plan bumped up and backdated so we won't get hit hard as well on this next bill. DH has to curb his texting...by a LOT!

SORRY!

Wow, things have been crazy around here. Where to start...

Well, after the miscarriage, I've just been out of sorts. Then, in September a very dear friend of mine gave birth to a son at 23 weeks 6 days. He only lived 15 hours, so that was hard. My heart broke for her, and it brought back all the pain of my miscarriage.

Oh, and right after my last post? I broke out in hives! I have been covered in hives for almost 3 months now! I drove up to VA on Sept. 1 to help a friend out with some breastfeeding problems. I got the next day, Sept. 2, I ended up in the ER up there because my eyes were swollen shut and my lip had swelled up to 5 x's it's normal size! UGH! I was put on 40 mg. of prednisone that my dr. here at home continued for 6 weeks! I ended up putting on all that weight I got off on weight watchers. *sigh*

So, for the past 3 months I have been dealing with a condition called Chronic Hives (www.chronichives.com) and I will probably deal with flare ups off and on the rest of my life. *sigh* I've been on 5 meds to control them, and have been living in a drug induced haze, functioning enough to care for my kids and get my homework done.

So, life has been chaotic! LOL

Good news to report:
Little Dude is now sleeping in his own crib! We've been waiting for this day, but not pushing it. We'd try to move him into his crib, but it wouldn't go well so we'd stop trying and wait some more. Now he's ready. I put him in his crib on Tuesday, and he started to protest. He cried for a few min. and I kept trying to comfort him, but he wouldn't calm down. Finally I very firmly told him to stop it, to lay down, be quiet, and go to sleep. That he is a big boy and needs to go to sleep. He didn't make another peep! He went right to sleep. The next day I added a crib toy to the side of his crib that he's been playing w/ outside of the crib. He started to protest, I did the same thing as the previous night only adding that he could play with his toy. It worked! He is now laying right down w/o making a noise and going right to sleep!

YAY for perseverance and listening to my boy! He is now ready. He's so ready, that last night he fell asleep in my bed nursing so I left him there. He woke up when Sweet Pea started throwing a fit and woke him up. Little Dude wouldn't go back to sleep, he wouldn't nurse, he kept crying and kicking and pushing me away. So, I put him in his crib and he rolled over and went right to sleep! LOL Tonight, not a whimper. He went right down.

I am so proud of my little man, but I'm also sad. My baby is growing up too fast. *sob*

Little Dude and Sweet Pea were doctors for Halloween. They were SO cute, but I haven't gotten pictures from my friend yet (Jack and Jill took pictures for me). I'll post them when I get them.
That's about it! I'll try and post more often now.

Children's Church

Yesterday was our church's "promotion" day. That is, children promote up to the next grade/age level of class. Sweet Pea moved from the nursery to Children's Church! It was a big step for her, but an even bigger one for Mommy. With Little Dude in arms, I chocked back tears as I took her to her class. She was SO proud! I thought she'd be timid but her friend Florida was in there so she ran in after her giggling. A true girl. LOL I sent DH a text message to let him know where she was and he got all misty over it. When class was over, she cam out with a painting she'd done in one hand, and a fist full of candy in the other.

So, all in all, it was a good day. Once again, I missed the sermon because Little Dude was hysterical in the nursery, and wouldn't sit still in the service. I know this will pass. Heather was this way and around her 2nd birthday she started getting easier.

Okay, off to brush my "big girl's" hair. :o)

Buh-Bye

Little Dude loves to go "buh-bye." He does this little variation on the Miss America wave, and runs to the door as fast as his chubby little 16 month old legs will carry him when he is asked if he wants to go "buh-bye." He loves to go "buh-bye" and love to shop even more.

I asked him a couple of days back if he wanted to go "buh-bye" and he added something to the routine. I'd just emptied my purse to put everything into the diaper bag (no need to haul around 2 bags) so he grabbed my purse for me.

Hair

Yup. I have nasty hair. Sure, it's BEAUTIFUL when it's long, and flowing. My dad and husband both love it. But I have to brush it every 5 min. to keep it LOOKING that way. It's thin. VERY thin. It's fine. VERY fine. And as I've learned:

thin + fine = easily tangled hair.

THIS is what I am talking about.


The sad part is, I was on the phone when DH took this picture. It took a couple of attempts because he as laughing so hard. Less than an hour later it was chopped off. LOL

So, for your viewing pleasure, the photojournal of my hair cut.

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Here is my hair before it was cut. Please take note that it was still wet when these pictures were taken.

Hack hack...

The ponytail that was cut off. This was the longest piece, but about 15" total was taken off.

The final product.

At the end of the day, I am VERY happy with the hair cut. I've wanted to do this for 2 years, and I while it's still about 1/2" longer than I'd like, I love it!

Baby No More

Well, we found out on Wed. morning that we lost our little bean. I had a miscarriage. Thank you to everyone who has supported us.

The Results Are In

And I am, indeed, pregnant. OY!

Here's to hoping for an uneventful, healthy pregnancy and a healthy full-term baby. We're scared, but now that we've told our family feeling MUCH better. :o)

So, this is part of our mass announcement: WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!

:o)