To My Husband

I wanted to take this time, as I've been working through my emotions regarding Samantha's birth, to thank my husband.

Hun, you have been awesome. I appreciate everything you have done for me, and for our family. Not just in the recent weeks, but over the past 6.5 years. I am very grateful for all that you have done. I see you working day after day to provide for this family, only to come home and stay up until the wee hours of the morning studying...to continue to provide for the family and to provide us with a better life and I am amazed. I can honestly say that I do not think I would have the stamina to do what you do day after day. Thank you.

Thank you for being here for me, supporting me physically, financially, and emotionally. Thank you for being here for me to cry to as I work through the pain and grief of our daughter's birth. Thank you for getting mad with me at the way I was treated by the doctor and hospital staff. Thank you for being so good with our newest daughter, and with our older children. They love you and adore you. I can see the love and adoration in their eyes when I talk about you while you're at work. These children love their father, just as much as their father loves them. I am in a unique position to see both sides.

Thank you for everything you have done, are doing, and will do for this family.

I love you more every day. I know we have our arguments and miscommunication, but I know that at the end of the day you love me and I love you. Thank you.

Assaulted...Traumatized...Birth Rape

I feel as though I've been assaulted, abused, and raped...that something VERY important to me was stolen by an impatient dr. who may know the mechanics of birth but after more than 20 years of delivering babies is still totally clueless to the process. Birth is more than just about a happy and healthy baby. Yes...if interventions are truly needed then they are wonderful. But, with me...I'm not convinced they were. In fact, I honestly feel as though they were needlessly forced on me by a man who wanted to get home because it was Halloween. I have no doubt this man had every intention of slicing me open from the moment I stepped foot through the hospital doors. I detest this man....this man who sliced me open from hip bone to hip bone, scaring my body, and ripping my baby from my body...all to make an extra buck.

Using breathing techniques and a few minor pushes I got my baby from a -2 station to 0 station. If he had backed off, shut up, and called off his dogs (the nurses) I could have relaxed, spared my BP spike, and given birth to my baby the way that God intended.

Instead, I will never again get to experience the power of labor, of bringing forth a new life from my body. I'll never get to birth my baby in my home. I'll never have the chance to birth as God intended...and as I so STRONGLY believe in.

All because one man was impatient and had no faith in me or my body. He violated me...left me traumatized and forever changed and my body forever marred. (Seriously, my c-section scar is 8" long...by far the longest c-section scar I have EVER seen). He has left me with irreperable damage to both my body and my soul. I detest him. What was supposed to be a beautiful birth of our final child has instead left me feeling less of a woman, violated...raped of sorts.

And then the feelings that come with having a body that has failed me...2 times (well, really 3...but only 2 times that really count). I will never get to VBAC because my body can not tolerate the end stages of pregnancy. I thank God that I live in a time where my pregnancy complications can be caught and me and my babies spared, but I feel shame and heart break and heart ache from loving pregnancy and wanting to do things as close to natural as possible but knowing that because of my body I am unable to birth in the comfort of my home...in the water...in the presence of a wise, experienced midwife and the women in my life whom I love and trust.

This week has been hard for me. My emotions have overwhelmed me...overcome me...and left me battered and torn. My husband doesn't know how to help me, and the strain is great. I'm SICK of hearing, "Well, at least you have a healthy baby and that's what's important" from people. Yes, it IS important...but it is not ALL that is important. If I hear it one more time I fear I may SCREAM!!!

So, please pray that God will bring me healing in the months to come. I have already gotten involved with a group of mothers who have been through similar experiences, and the support is amazing. God has placed women in my life who are able to emotionally help me right now...but I still have a VERY long way to go towards being healed. Your prayers as I journey down this road would be appreciated. Thank you.

More Pics

Pictures of Samantha Rose

Here she is! My family thinks she looks more like me than DH. But, she still looks like one of our children. :o)

Samantha Rose - Homebirth to C-Section

Samantha Rose - Homebirth to C-Section

Written Sunday, November 2, 2008

The short story:
Samantha Rose was born Oct. 31, 2008 at 11:44am.
8 lbs 8 oz. and 20.5" long.

I will start by saying Samantha's birth ended up being the exact opposite of what I had planned (and dreamed). Wednesday at my apt. I noticed I had a REALLY high protein count in my urine. The dip stick registered more than 2000 grams of protein in my urine. My BP, however, was good. I discussed with my midwife what the cause could be, and she thought that maybe it was some blood from my having some blood show on Saturday that was registering it, but to rest and monitor my BP through the drug store, contacting her if it went up. Honestly, this didn't sit well with me and I felt she wasn't REALLY listening to me. Given my history (having had pre-eclempsia twice before) I felt pre-e was where I was going to end up again.

Thursday, we took Heather to school, went and got Tim's paycheck, and went to a friends' house (they had picked Heather up from school for us). We all went out to lunch. On the way home, I had Tim stop by the local CVS to check my BP. This CVS had been pretty accurate through my pregnancy, but of course drug store BP checks can't be "really" counted on...just getting a vague idea. My BP registered 160/101. My heart sank and I knew where this was going. I called the birth center and my midwife told me to come in. We went home, quickly packed some hospital bags, found ppl to watch Heather and William, and headed in to the clinic. In the clinic, my BP was once again okay (while I was lying on my left side). But, I was still registering more than 2000 grams of protein in my urine. My midwife explained to me that we had two options at this point: I could either go home on STRICT bed rest and wait and see if I went into labor over the weekend, coming back in for a BP check on Monday, or go to the hospital to get checked out. (Honestly, she was rather abrupt in this discussion with us as I sat there on the couch crying, seeing my dreams for a home birth disappear...but that could be another whole post).

Tim begged me to go to the hospital and get checked out. I knew in my gut that the pre-e was back again. I'd had a few minor frontal headaches and minor visual disturbances over the early part of the week. Nothing major, but having been down this road before, I knew where we were going. I knew in my heart that I needed an OB at that point. So, we chose to go to the hospital and get checked out.

I got there and sure enough, lots of protein in my urine. BP started to climb, but wasn't really high. Given that I was 5 days from my due date, we expected an induction. The on-call Dr. ordered blood work done. He wanted me started on mag. We initially refused, knowing how mag. would effect me and the potential outcome of our labor, but decided to follow his recommendation for starting it when the labs revealed my liver and kidneys were already shutting down and my BP hadn't even started to climb yet. My doula was a nurse for almost 20 years, and she looked at the labs and agreed. It turned out, the mag. was the beginning of the end.

At midnight mag. and pit. were started. I was 80% and 1cm. A catheter was put in (b/c I can't walk while on mag). By 6am I was 3 cm. I was in a lot of pain from the catheter (not the contractions, if you can imagine). The leg message thingies they were using since I was on pit. (to prevent an embolism in my legs) actually provided me with a LOT of relief and welcome focal point for my hypnotbirthing. However, knowing where things were going and that I wasn't going to be able to use any of the positions/techniques I like to cope with hard labor, I decided to get an epidural (I totally could have gone w/o had I not had the mag..this stuff really is evil). It took and I progressed quickly from there.

I quickly reached 7cm, 100% effaced, and feeling pushy. This is where things went bad. I was weak from the mag. The nurses (I had a WICKED nurse BTW) checked me and I went from 7cm to 10 cm in one contraction so they ordered me to start pushing. I refused, insisting on breathing the baby down. She was still a -2 station, and as weak as I was on the mag. I knew I couldn't push as long as I would need to in order to birth her from a -2 station. I ignored the nurses and the chaos in the room, and focused on my doula who helped me keep my visualisations and breath her down. I got her to a 0 station in about 20 min. and was getting really tired, but could keep going. Then the Dr. came in the room. He kept ordering me to push, I kept refusing, he kept yelling at me, the nurses started yelling at me, it got really crazy and I don't remember much but mentally reaching a point where I knew I couldn't keep going. I was getting stressed and the Dr. wouldn't shut up and back off and let me do what I needed to do. My BP started to climb, Samantha's heartrate started to fall and the "C" word came out. In the end, after much refusing and pushing as hard as I could, I caved and agreed to the c-section. I knew in my heart that I could only keep going and birth my baby the way I needed to if the nurses and that darn dr. (can I use profanity here?) would back off and let me do what I needed to do.

Ladies, it gets worse from there.

I get into the OR and they top of my epidural (that had stopped working hours before...the nurse kept telling me I wasn't feeling pain but pressure and to be quiet...yes, I kid you not. I finally told her to shut up, that I'd given birth naturally before and I knew pain from pressure...that what I was feeling was pain...but that's another whole rant). Of course the Dr. was happy b/c he was getting what he wanted: an easy out since he'd been on call all day and night. The epidural didn't work. They could only numb me to my waist. They tried and tried for 30 min. but it didn't work. They needed it to go up another 4" or so. They tried a spinal, but couldn't discern spinal fluid from epidural fluid and were too afraid of doing the spinal and resulting in respiratory arrest/distress. So, general anesthesia it was.

I did get to see Tim before they put me under. They brought him in, he squeeze my hand, and we told each other that we loved each other. Then they gave me the medicine and I was out. I remember sobbing as I told him that I loved him.

The next thing I remember I was being wheeled back to my LDR room and was in a LOT of pain. I started hollering for pain meds and I was hurting. Tim says I'm a mean drunk. LOL (the only humor I could find in the situation). Samantha had been born an hour and a half before (delivered really...delivered from my unconscious body) and was screaming to nurse. I was in too much pain and begging for drugs. My mom showed her to me, and asked if i wanted to nurse her. I told her no, that I was in too much pain and afraid that I'd drop her. 30 min. later they finally got the pain under control and I was still SUPER weak from the mag. and pain meds. My doula held her to my breast for me so that I could nurse her for the first time.

Samantha latches GREAT! She nurses as though she is a 2 mo. old and is easily extracting all the colostrum from my breasts. She's making plenty of wet/dirty diapers and this has been the one blessing from it all.

I spent 24 hours on mag. following her birth. My mom stayed the night with me to help me with her (since I couldn't be alone w/ her due to the mag.) and Tim took the kids home to sleep in their own beds. This afternoon, after more than a day and a half w/o seeing my kids he was able to bring them to me and Heather and William got to meet Samantha. Heather, of course, is smitten with her little sister. William was a little frustrated that this little creature got to lie in mommy's bed but he couldn't (so my SUPER kind nurse passed Samantha off to Tim and Heather, and put William in the bed with me to snuggle).

I finally got off the mag. Saturday evening and into a room. I lost a LOT of blood during the surgery and had to receive 3 units of blood. Now that I had blood and am off the mag. and the general anesthesia is out of my system I'm feeling good. I never thought a c-section recover could be so painless. I'm sore (I feel like I got kicked by a Clydesdale, LOL) but I feel good. Samantha is nursing GREAT and looooooves the boob. She won't sleep unless she's in her mommy's arms (just like William). She is MUCH lighter in complexion than Heather and William and really resembles me (my sister said that I finally had a child that looks like me, LOL).

Anyway, this is the story of how my dreams of a homebirth ended up in my worst nightmare: a c-section under general anesthesia.

Thoughts as of November 7, 2008 - 1 week postpartum

The emotions that have come up in dealing with this have been intense. Physically I'm recovering fine, but emotionally I'm finding the recovery a LOT harder. To me, this is more than the loss of the birth I wanted, but rather the realization that I'll never experience the joy and peace of birthing my baby at home. I love pregnancy, I love labor, and I love birth. It is a very empowering thing to go through labor and to bring your baby into the world. A woman's body is so strong, and so powerful and I feel as though I was forced to be butchered and hacked open because a doctor and some nurses doubted my body and stressed me out. I know I could have refused the c-section, but with my BP climbing, and as exhausted as I was, I didn't know how much more I could handle physically. I feel like even though I never doubted my body and it's ability to birth my baby, others doubted me...others who really had control over me and the situation. I am angry at them. Very very very VERY angry at them. I am grieving the loss of birthing future children. I know that if I were to have any more children, since my body will go pre-eclemptic again I will have to have my babies by 38 weeks. No one is going to do an induction for a VBAC, even if I have a proven pelvis. The liability in this litigation happy society is too high. So I'm mourning the loss of EVER bringing forth another baby from my body. I can't even bring myself to write a letter to the hospital yet because I don't know that I can calmly and rationally write it.


Thanks for reading

A Vote for Obama is a Vote for Socialism

Okay, I've refrained from posting things political this entire election/campaign season, but I can't hold back any longer.


A vote for Obama is a vote for socialism.


What is socialism?

Socialism is:
1.
a political theory advocating state ownership of industry
2.
an economic system based on state ownership of capital [ant: capitalism]

or

An economic system in which the production and distribution of goods are controlled substantially by the government rather than by private enterprise, and in which cooperation rather than competition guides economic activity. There are many varieties of socialism.
Some socialists tolerate capitalism, as long as the government maintains the dominant influence over the economy; others insist on an abolition of private enterprise

This is EXACTLY what Senator Obama has been preaching this campaign in his "redistributing" the wealth.


Sen. Obama...THIS HAS BEEN TRIED AND IT HAS FAILED!!! EVERY time this theory has been tried it has failed...MISERABLY! Those countries ultimately end up a people who are socially and economically depressed. They have no freedoms unless their government gives them freedoms. Who has tried Socialism? Germany. Cuba. China. Russia (USSR). North Korea...just to name a few.


We are a country whose core values were FOUNDED upon FREEDOM! The freedom come up with an idea, run with it, and then profit from it! The government has NO RIGHT to dictate how much money you can make. Under a Socialist economy you are told how much you can make. Bill Gates will be told that he's making too much, and the woman living off of welfare having 10 kids whom she doesn't care for and refusing to work gets his money. You make too much money if you make $45K a year, so if you make more than that we're going to give your money to those who are not working.


Power corrupts.
Why the hell would we give all the power over how much money we can make into the hands of a few people??????

Our economy is struggling. Obama is offering everyone a shit sandwich, but selling it in such a light that everyone is lining up to take a bite. DON'T be one of those who fall for this tactic.


I'm sorry if this pisses people off BUT IT IS THE TRUTH! And if you can't handle the truth then remember: the Nazis were Socialists.

Simeon Nix

As many of y'all know I attended Bell Shoals Baptist Church when I was in high school. This church impacted me in many ways spiritually and emotionally. The people that God brought into my life during my time at this church He used to shape who I am today. One of these men was the Music Minister, Simeon Nix.

This summer the church has suffered two great losses. The first, on Mother's Day, was the loss of it's Sr. Pastor. This was not the Pastor whom I learned from during my time at this church, so I did not know this man (only of his reputation). The second was the loss of Simeon Nix.

Simeon was an amazing man. He was a big man with an even bigger heart and a love of God that was almost tangible. One of my passions (along with horses) has always been music. God gave me a great gift in music and a great passion for it. In my floundering teen years Simeon, who may not have even been aware of what he was doing, encouraged me with my music and helped me to find a way in which I could express my love of God through my music. Simeon is one of the people key in my spiritual and emotional growth through my teen years, and I was saddened to hear of his passing.

I look forward to one day seeing Simeon again, and watching him worship the Lord as he always does, but in the presence of our Lord. I pray that his wife and children are able to find peace in the months and years ahead.

HUGE Milestone

I had my home visit from my midwife today. This was a visit from one of the midwives from the birth center to come, see how to get to my home, see the layout, check and make sure I have all my supplies, see where I think I'll be wanting to do most of my laboring and where I think I might want to birth the baby, and answer any questions pertaining to either one. This visit went very well and was very productive.

The visit concluded with the midwife informing me that because I am so close to 37 weeks (I'm 36 weeks 5 days) if I were to go into labor tonight they would still be able to attend my birth. YAY! THIS is the huge milestone. So, Baby Girl can come when ever she wants now.

My Doula also thinks that I won't make it to my due date since I am already having contractions, and have been having contractions for a week and a half now. LOL We'll see! God knows when this little girl will make her arrival, and since this is probably our last baby I am content to sit back and enjoy her rolls, kicks, and punches knowing I probably won't ever get to feel another baby again.

Notes on Solar Power from an Engineer

My dad is an engineer for the electric company, and these are his thoughts on the use of solar power.

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I've had a few discussions lately about alternative energy. It seems that you can't go a day without hearing some environmentalist shooting off his mouth about needing to go "green" and getting off fossil fuels. Renewable energy is a noble idea but it is a long way off yet.

If you have not heard what the real cost of converting your house over to solar cell energy you might want to take a look at these facts.

The typical solar cell today has at best a 15% efficiency rating. The most efficient solar cells achieve a 40.7% rating. The cost of these experimental units are only affordable by the military and government. Go figure?! So if you really want to live in the 1800s and assume a life of crushing inconvenience read on and take a look at the real truth.

The typical solar panel contains 4 cells, and each of them can produce 0.45 volts and 100 milliamps, or 45 milliwatts. Each cell measures 2 inches by 0.5 inches. In other words, with these solar cells you can generate 45 milliwatts in one square inch (6.45 square cm). For the sake of discussion, let's assume that a panel can generate 70 milliwatts per square inch.

To calculate how many square inches of solar panel you need for a house, you need to know:

- How much power the house consumes on average.

- Where the house is located (so you can calculate mean solar
days, average rainfall, etc.). This question is impossible to
answer unless you have a specific location in mind. We'll
assume that on an average day the solar panels generate their
maximum power for 5 hours living in suntan acres.

The first question is actually pretty interesting, so let's work on it. A "typical home" in America can use either electricity or gas to provide heat for the house, hot water, the clothes dryer and the stove/oven. If you were to power a house with solar electricity, you will have to give up the use of these items and convert to gas appliances because solar electricity is so expensive, see below (note: you’re already behind the goal because the last time I checked, gas is a fossil fuel and is not a renewable resource).

This means that what you would be powering with solar electricity are things like the refrigerator, the lights, the computer, the TV, stereo equipment, motors in things like furnace fans and the washer, etc. Let's say that all of those things average out to 600 watts on average. This is probably a very conservative estimate because the power company usually estimates the average load for a typical home to be around 5 to 8 kw, but I digress. Over the course of 24 hours, you need 600 watts * 24 hours = 14,400 watt-hours per day.

From these calculations and assumptions above, we know that a solar panel can generate 70 milliwatts per square inch * 5 hours = 350 milliwatt hours per day. Therefore you need about 41,000 square inches of solar panel for the house. That's a solar panel that measures about 285 square feet (about 16' by 16'). That would cost around $16,000 right now. Then, because the sun only shines part of the time, you would need to purchase a battery bank, an inverter and regulator, a storage facility (away from the house because batteries produce hydrogen sulfide gas with is highly flammable) etc., and that can double or triple the cost of the installation.

If you want to have a small room air conditioner in your bedroom, double everything.

Because solar electricity is so expensive, you would normally go to great lengths to reduce your electricity consumption. Instead of a desktop computer and a monitor you would use a laptop computer. You would use fluorescent lights instead of incandescent. You would use a small B&W TV instead of a large color set. You would get a small, extremely efficient refrigerator. By doing these things you might be able to reduce your average power consumption to 100 watts. This would cut the size of your solar panel and its cost by a factor of 6, and this might bring it into the realm of possibility.

The thing to remember, however, is that 100 watts per hour purchased from the power grid would only cost about 24 cents a day right now, or $91 a year. That's why you don't see many solar houses unless they are in very remote locations. When it only costs about $100 a year to purchase power from the grid, it is hard to justify spending thousands of dollars on a solar system.

So before you let the next tree hugging wacko ruin your day with his guilt trip remember some of what we talked about here and go home and get you a tall glass of iced tea, kick back in your Lazyboy and watch a good football game on your 50" plasma and thank God what He has blessed you with and be prudent with all that He has given you.

Belly Pic - 34 weeks 5 days

I have been bad about getting belly pictures taken this pregnancy. This is due to either not knowing where my camera is, or not having batteries. So, Sunday I passed the mirror in the ladies' room and decided to snap a pic w/ my cell phone. So, please excuse the poor quality...it was taken with a phone...but here I am at 34 weeks 5 days (34w5d).

40 Days!

No, not 40 days and 40 nights of rain, but rather...40 days to my due date!

WOW! I can't believe it's so CLOSE! Little Miss is going to be here before we know it.

Of course, she decided to wake Mommy up at 4 o'clock yesterday morning with some vigorous kicking. For 3 hours she kept me awake. And when she was done...

...

...

...

...

SHE WAS TRANSVERSE!

The little stinker moved from vertex (head down) and as my darling husband puts it, "launch position" to transverse (or sideways). Her head was between 1 and 2 o'clock (on my uterus) and her little bum at around 6 or 7 o'clock.

At the ultrasound that day, she measured 36 weeks 1 day, and I was 34 weeks 1 day...and she weighs about 6 lbs (so about 65th or 70th percentile...so a good size, but not a huge size). She's long for her size. That means less room.

She has 2 weeks. 2 weeks to get back into "launch position" or my plans for a home birth, what I've fought for the entire pregnancy, go out the window as I go to a perinatologst (doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies) and he tries an external version (manually turning the baby). If not, then I get the knife b/c there is no way that a baby can physically come out a va-jay-jay spine first.

I've been back to the chiropractor today to have her perform Webster's Technique on me. My pelvis that is usually badly misaligned but very mobile is totally frozen. my Sacrum is frozen. My Round Ligaments are pulled tight. This is probably what torqued my uterus and prompted Little Miss to flip around. So, after nice adjustment, a complimentary 15 min. prenatal massage from the massage therapist who shares the office, and a LOT of walking around, she's trying to move some more. She's been moving around all evening.

So, prayers that in the next 12 days Little Miss flips back head down are GREATLY appreciated. I REALLY don't want a c-section (the thought of the recovery terrifies me: I will have NO help from family).

But anyway, 40 days!!!!! WOW!

Top 10 Ways that a Hurricane is like Christmss

Top 10 Ways a Hurricane is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).

9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season
(Camping gear, flashlights).

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.

7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for 'specials'.

6. Family coming to stay with you.

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.

4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.

3. Days off from work.

2. Candles.

1. At some point you know you will have a tree in your house!

How Do I Deal with the Pain?

Some recent events in my life have left me hurt, confused, and irritated about friends, friendship, life, and people in general.

I don't understand how a person can be close to another person for years, and then after receiving help bite the proverbial hand that destroyed it's finances to try and help them. Make accusations on events and then, when meeting the person's other friends, use them and hurt them and not see it. The very things this friend accused the person of doing, she is now doing TO that person, and is placing the now mutual friends in a hard spot with her pain, selfishness, and immaturity. The degree of her immatuirty has reached a new level in that she doesn't even call me any more unless she needs something from me. No calls to say hi, no calls to see how me or my pregnancy is progressing, no calls unless SHE needs something from me.

This person is very needy, and is behaving as a child in an attempt to get attention. As a result, her children (who are very very badly behaved themselves) are picking up and learning from and mimicking the behavior that they see in their mother (and father).

As a result of this selfish behavior she is hurting a friend very close to the me. How does one cope with the pain?

If the pain were limited to me, I'd just stop contact, cut ties, cut my losses, grieve, and move on. I can't do this, though, when I see my other friend being hurt. This other friend is placed in the middle caught between me and my (former) friend, her marriage, family, and health are all being hurt. Seeing this pain, and being unable to help in any way, is very hard for me and it makes the huge knife in my back twist further and further into my back. If my (former) friend wanted to hurt me, this is a very good way of doing it. The only way for me to protect myself from the pain (or the unnecissary rise in blood pressure) is to cut ties with my other friend, and I don't want to do that. I love this person SO much and hate seeing her being harmed by the selfishness exhibited by the other former friend.

How do I cope with the pain? How do I release the deep pain that I am experiencing without hurting anyone else in the process? How do I vent and cope and heal without having a rise in my blood pressure and having another child born prematurely?

I can use the prayers of those who love me right now, as well as advice on how to deal with my deep, deep pain. I know this will take years to totally heal, if it ever does, but right now I just need to know how to move forward and release all the pain I'm feeling.

Singing Obama

This is funny. I could be done with any politician and it'd be equally funny.

So, enjoy the creative genius of whomever did this. LOL

Powerful Video - on Obama's Politics

The more I learn about this man, the more I fear him. Not dislike him (I dislike Mrs. Clinton, I fear Mr. Obama) but fear him. I was sent this video on YouTube and watched it. I'm posting it here as well, but you have to click play to view it so if you choose not to, that's fine. It prompted me to do more digging on the topic. I have learned over the years that there is so much swing one way or another in politics that it's hard to get an "unbiased" truth. In the course of my digging I learned that this video is correct in that He did not vote to ban partial birth abortion. However, he also did not vote a direct "no." He voted "present" which is essentially a "no" vote, but allows him the freedom to say politically that he did not ever vote against abortion. Even Mrs. Clinton voted against partial birth abortion...and yet the man campaigning for our vote for President of the Free World refused to back this law.

Some argue that sending troops off to war is murder, and how can someone support that and not a woman's right to choose? I'm not going to get into the "she gave up her rights when she had sex" arguments, but I am going to say this. As a Christian.

Biblically, war is Godly. God says, "there is a time for peace and a time for war". (Ecclesiastes 3:8) God also says multiple times that life begins at conception.

Jeremiah 1:5 5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Psalms 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Isiah 44:2 This is what the LORD says he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.

Isiah 44:24 "This is what the LORD says your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself

Finally, those who are dying in war are doing so out of their CHOICE and are choosing to protect us and our freedoms. These babies that are dying didn't have the choice to be conceived..to be born...or to die. I don't think Roe V. Wade will ever be overturned...but I can not see how leaving a living, breathing, baby to die (especially alone in a cold room) is moral and does not bring God to tears. As long as people continue to oppose what we know to be Biblically immoral, and we continue to praise God, and pray for this country, and seek God's will, I believe he will continue to grant us his hand of protection. But looking at how many people want to obliterate us (mostly Islamic extremists) I see how easily we would be living under oppression and fearing for our lives if God chose to remove that hand. While I may not be thrilled with Mr. McCain and may of his choices or stances, I see a vote for him being a vote to keep God in our country. I will continue to pray for all the candidates, all of our government leaders, for this country, and for the physical and spiritual safety of my children.

The Cost of Cloth v. Disposables

Someone asked me what the cost of cloth diapering is compared to the cloth of disposables. So, I finally sat down and figured it out. I was floored. Here's what I told her:

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The price can vary depending upon what system you want to use. There are various ways of cloth diapering, from cheap (but not as easy) to easy (but not as cheap). It all depends upon how much you want to spend. :o)

Prefolds - these are the cheapest cloth diapers to use. You'd need 3 dozen preemie, 2 dozen infant, and 2 dozen premium diapers. However, for the first 4-6 months you only need the preemie and infant. The preemies run about $11-$12 a dozen, and the infants about $18-$25 a dozen. You'll need about 6-8 covers per size, newborn (NB), Small (SM), Medium (MD), and Large (LG). But, again, the NB and SM will get you to about 4-6 months, giving you time to buy the next size (Premium prefolds and medium covers). You can get ProRaps for about $4.50 each if you call the 800 number in the FAQ section of the link in my siggy. You're also going to want about 3-4 snappi's (these are used instead of diaper pins, and are a one-time investment). They run about $2.50 each. So, to start, you're looking at:
Preemie Prefolds - $33
NB Covers - $18
Snappis - $10
This will get you through the first 4-6 weeks, so you'll want to order these first and order the infant and SM asap.
2 Dozen Infant - $40-$50
SM Covers - $10

The easiest method is to use all AIOs or the very popular Fuzzi Bunz (a pocket diaper). These are pricey, running $20 each. Again, you'll want 3 dozen smalls, and 2-3 dozen medium and larges. The thing about the mediums is they stay in the forever. My 2.5 yr old only started to fit into the Larges about a month ago, and he still wears the mediums. You can also find packages online where they have sets of 1-2-3 dozen and the price per diaper is discounted a little. You can also buy packages of seconds (they have some small flaw but are perfectly functional) discounted even further. For instance, www.abbyslane.com has 24 fuzzi bunz for $430. However, if you join her Yahoo! email group you can get a discount code for 5% off of your purchase, bringing the 24 diapers down to $409.26 However, you'd need to spend this for each size, bringing it up to about $1300 total. You can recover a lot of this (half or more) by selling off each size as your baby outgrows them, as they hold their value and are highly sought after. www.diaperswappers.com is a good place to buy and sell used diapers.

There is a method that is between the two above methods: BumGenius One-Size diapers. They fit from birth to 35 lbs (yes, my 2.5 yr old can still wear them, as can my 4 yr old...yes she's potty trained, she just wanted one on one day, LOL) Again, you can buy them at www.abbyslane.com You'd want 3 dozen of these (to prevent too much wear and tear over the years and because a newborn will need closer to 3 dozen diaper to get through 2 days between washings). They run $613.20 before her discount for 36 diapers (ordering a set of 30 and a set of 6) and $582.54 after the discount.

Compared to disposables, that run about $0.25 - $0.35 per diaper. A newborn will use about 15-18 diapers a day the first 2 months, averaging 960 diapers in the first 2 months for a cost of: $288 (at $0.30 per diaper in the current economy). From 8 weeks to about 9 months baby will use about 9-12 diapers per day, and the diaper packages go down to about 32 diapers per package. So, about $823 for those 7 months. From 9 months to 24 months they'll use about 6-9 diapers a day (depending upon how often baby pees)so about $882 for those 15 months. IF your child potty learns at 2, you're looking at a total of: $1993 for two years.

If your child doesn't potty learn until 3 then you're looking at an additional $705 bringing the total up to: $2698 for 3 years of diapers that end up in a land fill for 500 years.

100th Blog!!!

This is my 100th blog!!! WOW! Hard to believe I posted 100 blogs on my random musings, thoughts, and sometimes complete nothingness. LOL

So, to celebrate, I'd like to hear from everyone as to what blogs stood out or impacted you the most. Maybe my political rants rub you the wrong way, or you disagree with them? I wanna hear it! If you love the advice I've given on wearing your baby, then tell me! :o)

So, to YOU...my blog readers...I want to say thank you for reading my thoughts. :o) You all are great!

Obama Has a Half-Brother

It has come to light, by the Italian version of Vanity Fair, that Sen. Obama has a half brother. The shocking part? This poor man is living in poverty in a squatters/shanty town in Nairobi...and Sen. Obama knows this.

I think the thing that gets me the most is how Sen. Obama claims to be a Christian. As Christians we are called to help those in need, to help our spiritual brothers...and he will not even help his biological brother. To me, this is disturbing.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/barackobama/2590614/Barack-Obamas-lost-brother-found-in-Kenya.html


Barack Obama's 'lost' brother found in Kenya
Senator Barack Obama's long lost brother has been tracked down for the first time living in a shanty town in Kenya, reports claimed.


By Nick Pisa in Rome
Last Updated: 11:52AM BST 21 Aug 2008
George Hussein Onyango Obama
George Hussein Onyango Obama, Senator Barack Obama's long lost brother was tracked down living in a hut on the outskirts of Nairobi Photo: Guy Calaf, Vanity Fair, Italy

The Italian edition of Vanity Fair said that it had found George Hussein Onyango Obama living in a hut in a ramshackle town of Huruma on the outskirts of Nairobi.

Mr Obama, 26, the youngest of the presidential candidate's half-brothers, spoke for the first time about his life, which could not be more different than that of the Democratic contender.

"No-one knows who I am," he told the magazine, before claiming: "I live here on less than a dollar a month."

According to Italy's Vanity Fair his two metre by three metre shack is decorated with football posters of the Italian football giants AC Milan and Inter, as well as a calendar showing exotic beaches of the world.

Vanity Fair also noted that he had a front page newspaper picture of his famous brother - born of the same father as him, Barack Hussein Obama, but to a different mother, named only as Jael.

He told the magazine: "I live like a recluse, no-one knows I exist."

Embarrassed by his penury, he said that he does not does not mention his famous half-brother in conversation.

"If anyone says something about my surname, I say we are not related. I am ashamed," he said.

For ten years George Obama lived rough. However he now hopes to try to sort his life out by starting a course at a local technical college.

He has only met his famous older brother twice - once when he was just five and the last time in 2006 when Senator Obama was on a tour of East Africa and visited Nairobi.

The Illinois senator mentions his brother in his autobiography, describing him in just one passing paragraph as a "beautiful boy with a rounded head".

Of their second meeting, George Obama said: "It was very brief, we spoke for just a few minutes. It was like meeting a complete stranger."

George added he was no longer in contact with his mother and said:"I have had to learn to live and take what I need.

"Huruma is a tough place, last January during the elections there was rioting and six people were hacked to death. The police don't even arrest you they just shoot you.

"I have seen two of my friends killed. I have scars from defending myself with my fists. I am good with my fists."

Politics and Personal Responsibility

This time, every 4 years, is filled with politics. There's name calling, bashing, mud slinging, and even bandwagon riding. This year has been even more so because with our first African American candidate who is a real contender for the office of President of the United States has caused many heated arguments. If a person does not support him, they get the "You're just racist" comments thrown at them (Yes, I've even had them thrown at me...as I stand there with my BI-RACIAL children!!!). It's been nasty.

Here's where I stand. We live in a society that pushes "self." All that matters is that "I" feel good, nothing matters unless the individual is happy. That brings back to mind President J. F. Kennedy said: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." We live in an era where neighbors no longer help each other out (unless it is convenient), and people will do anything to climb higher than the other person. In short, the Christian principals that this country was founded upon (brotherly love, kindness, the fruits of the spirit) are gone, or fading fast. So much of our society would leave our founding fathers rolling in their graves. Our society lacks moral absolutes, and our founding fathers founded this country upon absolutes. Just reading the Declaration of Independence shows this.

"When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. "

They didn't say, "We think that..." or "We feel that...", they said "We hold these TRUTHS". A truth is an absolute, it's not open for interpretation. Our society is lacking these truths, the absolutes. It's all become "What ever you think is right is right." Fewer and fewer people are willing to stand up and say, "Enough is enough...this is WRONG and there is no negotiating this fact."

I watched a Presidential Candidate discussion led by the pastor of Saddleback Church in CA (he is also the author of "The Purpose Driven Life"). He had a list of questions for both candidates (Sen. Obama and Sen. McCain) on morals, religious faith, and their personal character.

I will admit, that I was impressed by some of what Sen. Obama had to say, but there was still far too much that had me leery. For instance, one question was "Do you believe evil exists and what should we do about it." His response was that yes, he does believe evil exists (yay there) but (uh-oh...buts are never good) he doesn't believe that we should eradicate it, that it is something best left for God, and also that evil is subjective. I have issues with this. Why are we called to be spiritual warriors if we are to just sit back, negotiate with evil, and wait for God to do something? No, I'm not saying that God doesn't do anything...I am saying that God himself says that we are to be warriors, we are to fight evil. Even regarding war, God says there is a time for war and a time for peace. So, while people who believe in more of a pacifist way would like this answer, it did not sit well with me.

Sen. McCain, without hesitation, said that Evil DOES exist and we are not to tolerate it. We are not to tolerate the evil that was done on September 11, 2001 and that we are to stop this evil before any more people are harmed. This answer, I liked.

The questioning continued, and everything Sen. McCain said kept coming back to emphasizing how people need to stop thinking of themselves and start thinking of others. He criticized the government for telling people to go shopping, or go on vacation, after September 11 happened, and said that it should have encouraged people to join the Peace Corps or the military to help stop these people who killed thousands of our innocent people. I literally applauded this (as did my sweet little son who was sitting on my bed next to me).

So, the foundation of Sen. McCains views (and not all of them I agree with) seems to be simple: stop serving self, and start serving others. So, in the end of it all, after much research on my part, this man will get my vote come election day (which, ironically, is also my due date).

Sugar, Sugar, and a Big Ol' Crash

I was FINALLY able to take my glucose test today. After the fiasco with the lab last week, my MW's office called and we decided to do the test there in their office. They were appalled at all the hoops both them and I would have to jump through to get the lab to let me do the test with anything other than glucola. *gag*

So, I ate a big protein and veggie dinner last night, and went in today. I drank my 10 oz. of pure grape juice, and then saw the midwife (MW). After that I still had 15 min. so i was able to go outside and power walk for 10 min. pushing DS in the stroller to help burn off some sugar. I came back in when the 1 hr. was up and went back to have my blood drawn.

Well, I was dehydrated. Badly. I'd not eaten in 17 hours, and had only had grape juice to drink in several hours. So, it REALLY REALLY REALLY hurt when she stuck the needle in my vein (in my best vein too, which was odd). I was so dehydrated that the blood was thick and dark and flowed slowly into each of the 3 vials, hurting more and more by the second. The more it hurt, the more dizzy I got. When she was done, I sat there for a second until the room stopped spinning. I then went into the bathroom to pee one more time, and when I got out I was so dizzy that I was able to call out for help before just collapsing on the floor. The poor nurses started freaking out. I was sweating bullets in a cold sweat, and all the color was gone from my face. They frantically got the midwife who laid me down, had them bring a blanket to put under my head, and stroked my head and face while I laid there. They said that I passed out for a moment there. Once I was lying down I started feeling better, and they brought me a wheel chair to wheel me outside. My MW clinic is inside the hospital, which has parking we have to pay for at each visit, or complimentary valet parking (which we utilize as tipping the attendants is cheaper than the cost of the parking garage that runs us almost $5 a visit otherwise).

A nurse wheeled me right out to the car, and gave my DH and I instructions to stop on the way home and get big protein meal...no sugars or I'd have another sugar crash like that.

The kicker: by the time they drew my blood, b/c i'd been fasting (like they directed) it was 17 hours without eating. Man, if this is how I was with just a 1 hr. test, I know there's no way I'll get through the 3 hour if I fail this one. I'm praying the fasting, grape juice, and walking will do the trick and I'll pass.