The Woes of Fertility...

Yes, I said the woes of fertility, not fertility woes.

The difference you ask?

Fertility woes would be what those people unfortunate enough to experience fertility problems/issues would share.

I will share the woes of fertility. That is, the woes of a woman who is VERY fertile and married to a man who is equally fertile. I swear, my husband has Super Sperm! This man must share some genes with Clark Kent because his little swimmers can survive anything, and everything, and find an egg to fertilize against any odds placed before him. Heck, his Super Sperm managed to fertilize an egg with the IUD IN! Even dislodged (the IUD that is) that feat was incredible.

He got me pregnant while on the pill.

He got me pregnant 6 days before ovulation (enter Little Dude).

I get pregnant if he so much as LOOKS at me and I am anywhere within a whisper of a thought of ovulating.

And, he may have done it again. It's still too early to tell for sure, and I am PRAYING that I am not, but the early early sighs are all there. *sigh*

We are practicing the rules of Natural Family Planning. Since I've gotten pregnant on BCPs (birth control pills) once before any form of hormonal birth control is not an option. I am also allergic to (get ready, this is a long list):

Latex condoms - I break out in hives 2" across in my nether regions. YOUCH!
Spermicides - again, 2" hives in my nether regions. *shudders*
sponges - they hurt me so much we can't even have, well, you know.
polyurethane condoms - again, hives, nether regions, OUCH!
sheep skin condoms - they're only something like 70% effective...and DH has Super Sperm. Yea...THAT'S an "oops" waiting to happen!

So, knowing my body (yay for that), temping, charting, sticking my fingers up my nether regions to check cervical placement, texture, and opening (or lack there of) is the only thing that works for us. And we follow them religiously. (please note: NFP or FAM is not that bad at all...in fact I LOVE it because I know my body unlike ever before)

Some of the rules state:
no BDing (aka: Baby Dancing...do I REALLY need to explain that one???) after cycle day 8. Sperm can live up to 5 days before fertilizing an egg. And DH has Super Sperm...remember?

You are safe once you are 3 DPO (days post ovulation).

During that fertile period, either use spermicides (which can alter the cervical mucous), condoms, or abstain. DH has Super sperm; we abstain.


Enter my 2nd cycle postpartum. I've had one visit from the witch herself so far.

We enjoyed knowing what was going on, and had some 'fun' on cycle day 7. We are following the "rules" right? I started showing fertile signs that night. *sob*

5 days later, 4 days earlier than ever before, my body decides to release it's eggie. God, you really DO have a sense of humor, right? 5 days. REGULAR sperm can live up to 5 days. DH has Super Sperm. *ensue sobbing*

My temps look "normal". Enter 8 DPO. I have a temp dip, MAJOR cramping, and nausea and headaches. All signs of implantation.

Enter 9 DPO. My temp not only goes back up, it goes up to it's highest temp yet. Yea, a GREAT sign...if you're TRYING to get pregnant.

God....you DO have a sense of humor...right?

And this is where I am at: 9 DPO, face breaking out like a teenager, still nauseous, and scared out of my ever lovin' mind. I know that this dip "can" occur in cycles that do not result in conception. I dart off to Google: "Charting Temperature Dip 8 days ovulation". The results....not good. Implantation dip is the result. *ensue sobbing* I Google: "Implantation Dip" and find that it's not a common thing in cycles resulting in pregnancies, but when there IS a temp. dip like the one I had the chances of it NOT being implantation and resulting in a pregnancy are startling. 11%! There's only an 11% chance that I am NOT baking baby no. 3!!!!! God: sense of Humor...c'mon! Cut me some slack!!!!

Oy Vey! (to quote a dear internet friend of mine)

So yes...the woes of fertility.

*back to crying, panicking, and obsessively trying to figure out when to start taking HPTs...and desperately praying that "the witch" comes*

Maybe I'll watch "Schlinder's List" as a distraction...