Saturday, July 15, 2006

How is it that I can love another person as deeply as I do? In this case, it's two people: Sweet Pea and Little Dude. I adore my husband, and love him just as much and as deeply as I do SP and LD, but the depth of and power of my love for these two children is overwhelming. I never immagined I could love them so much.

Let me talk about Sweet Pea for a moment. She is SO bright, so intelligent, and so sweet, caring, kind, loving, and has such a gentle spirit. She is so amazing, so wonderful. She loves SO deeply, and is filled with an exuberence that spills into everything she does. Would you believe that after DH and I told her that she could not have a (new) toy that we had bought she didn't throw a fit about it? That's b/c she simply turned around, walked out of the room, and took my sharpest knife out of my utensils drawer (I suppose those need child-proof locks on them too, now) and I found her standing in my livingroom, box on the floor, knife in hand, cutting into the box!! I couldn't believe it! She is SO smart! (yes, I took everything away from her and told her that she couldn't have them and why) Then, the other day I was sitting on the floor, and she came up to me and started rubbing my back! See...SO smart and SO kind.

Oh, and my family has welcomed a new cousin into the world. Baby girl C was born on Wednesday, July 12th at 10:40pm weighing in at 6 lbs 2 oz an 19" long. She is the 3rd and final child in her family, and the 2nd daughter. I saw her today for the first time, and..."L and R" she is BEAUTIFUL! Congradulations!

Well...that's all for now.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

One year ago today, I Little Man was concieved. WOW! SO much has changed in a year. Where did the time go? Why is it that only a few short months ago he wasn't with us, and yet here he is and I can't immagine life with out him?

For those of you that have not yet been blessed with children, when that day comes, you'll understand what I mean. For now, ENJOY your freedom! lol Ah, to be able to run out the door on a whim (and not change diapers, pack a diaper bag, pack sippy cups, dress someone other than yourself, put kids into carseats, pull them OUT of carseats, lock and unlock the front door while yelling at a toddler and juggling an infant, the list goes and to be able to actually buy myself an outfit for once...

Yes...I miss it, but more than that I LOVE my children and don't want to go back to that life. One day, my little angels will be gone and I'll have those things back.

Until a can so much change in a single year?
Why is it, that a single 2 yr old can bring a home to shambles? I'm serious!

And, why is it that when I am home I am able to keep said 2 yr old from destroying the house, but when DH is the one "in charge" of her she manages to make the house look as though WWIII broke out? SERIOUSLY!

I clean, and clean, and clean...and turn around only to find she has manged to "undo" all my work. What's the point? Why do I try? Maybe because society deems that a woman/wife/mother should be judged upon the state of her house. Maybe because this young mother's family seems to have showered her with chritisism if the home is not "immaculate." Maybe because she tries to rise above the life that my husband had. While I love my mother-in-law dearly, and have an overwhelming respect for the fact that she raised three children totally alone, but she isn't much of a house keeper. My DH (darling husband) confided in me one day, informed me that this was the case as a child. While it has given me a husband who does not judge me based upon my housekeeping skills, I just want better for my children.

My childhood, however, was different. My mother was perfect. The perfect Proverbs 31 woman (Proverbs 31:13-31 for those who are not familiar with the Bible verse). Our home while not immaculate, was definantly kept in order. She homeschooled us (which DH and I plan on doing with our children), taught Piano, prepared all our meals from scratch, even grinding her own wheat for her own bread!

I feel that if I am not on the same level as my mom, then I am a complete and utter failure. Can I be my mom? Never. I should accept that. But, is it an attainable goal one day? Yes...I think so. At least, I pray it is.

I had a very close friend over tonight with her two children. We had a nice time, chatted, let our children play, watched a movie, and generally enjoyed ourselves. So, I cleaned my livingroom and tried to restore order to my bathroom. My horrid. I have days worth of dishes piled up (Boy do I miss having a dishwasher). My bedroom...don't EVEN start me on that one. I can't even see the floor in there!

So...once my mother returns from her missions trip (that's right, she does missions work too! She's currently in Jamaica...not the nice parts though) she offered to come over and help me figure out a way to help me tiny home function more efficiently.

Now, on to my children. I have a PRECIOUS 2 year old daughter, whom I shall refer to as Sweet Pea (or SP). My husband and I were recently blessed with a son, born on March 28th, whom I shall reffer to as Little Dude (LD). Sweet Pea was born premature, and is my little princess. I adore her. Little Dude is my little man...and my joy. He's the total oposite of his sister, and it's amazing to watch him grow and develop as he is so different from his big sister.

I love being a stay at home mom (SAHM). We (DH and I) feel very strongly about a mother's place being at home. Plus, I have managed to find ways that allow us to have children relatively inexpensively. I breastfeed both of our children (well, did, Sweet Pea weaned herself during my pregnancy with Little Dude). Not only is this healthier for them, but also MUCH cheaper. We use cloth diapers. They're MUCH cheaper, but also healthier for the children and better for the environment. I make our child's babyfood, I cook all from scratch (very few if any processed foods), I shop for bargans, and even sell some of the diapers and slings and wraps that I make.

So, while my home isn't immaculate, while it may not be up to society's standards, and while my grandmother may complain to high heaven about it, I am doing a pretty darn good job of keeping this family afloat financially while my husband works his disabled booty off trying to support it. So, we are a team...and, in my opinion, a pretty darned good one.