Wednesday, September 17, 2008

How Do I Deal with the Pain?

Some recent events in my life have left me hurt, confused, and irritated about friends, friendship, life, and people in general.

I don't understand how a person can be close to another person for years, and then after receiving help bite the proverbial hand that destroyed it's finances to try and help them. Make accusations on events and then, when meeting the person's other friends, use them and hurt them and not see it. The very things this friend accused the person of doing, she is now doing TO that person, and is placing the now mutual friends in a hard spot with her pain, selfishness, and immaturity. The degree of her immatuirty has reached a new level in that she doesn't even call me any more unless she needs something from me. No calls to say hi, no calls to see how me or my pregnancy is progressing, no calls unless SHE needs something from me.

This person is very needy, and is behaving as a child in an attempt to get attention. As a result, her children (who are very very badly behaved themselves) are picking up and learning from and mimicking the behavior that they see in their mother (and father).

As a result of this selfish behavior she is hurting a friend very close to the me. How does one cope with the pain?

If the pain were limited to me, I'd just stop contact, cut ties, cut my losses, grieve, and move on. I can't do this, though, when I see my other friend being hurt. This other friend is placed in the middle caught between me and my (former) friend, her marriage, family, and health are all being hurt. Seeing this pain, and being unable to help in any way, is very hard for me and it makes the huge knife in my back twist further and further into my back. If my (former) friend wanted to hurt me, this is a very good way of doing it. The only way for me to protect myself from the pain (or the unnecissary rise in blood pressure) is to cut ties with my other friend, and I don't want to do that. I love this person SO much and hate seeing her being harmed by the selfishness exhibited by the other former friend.

How do I cope with the pain? How do I release the deep pain that I am experiencing without hurting anyone else in the process? How do I vent and cope and heal without having a rise in my blood pressure and having another child born prematurely?

I can use the prayers of those who love me right now, as well as advice on how to deal with my deep, deep pain. I know this will take years to totally heal, if it ever does, but right now I just need to know how to move forward and release all the pain I'm feeling.

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